Tell me about typical gay sexual relations

I don't think I can get offended after enjoying the freedom I am beginning to feel.

 

Thanks, we'll see where I go. I think if I can have a sexual encounter I won't feel so unaware of everything. I'll know that I can then proceed as I want with caution. You are all right that this takes time. Before, it was a call of "starting" my new life after or before my trip. Well, I decided I'm sick of waiting and want to start now. It doesn't matter how it goes or what happens. I'm starting now and what happens happens. I'll happily report back any good news...

 

I appreciate the advice. Honestly, I rushed into coming out. In a span of about 36 hours I went from I would never do this, ever, to I'm doing this right now and it's going to work. I've already waited a week (lol) since telling some people so now I'm going to be a normal person and look for a relationship. I rushed the whole process but it worked well for me, especially because I only conquered the tip of the iceberg. The rest involves my extended family and I can't tell them until I'm there, in person. I have a built in break and now that I'm partially out, I want to explore who I am.

 

I think I may have figured out the right way to proceed--and I think others would approve, at least a lot more than they do right now. I'll report back if/when something happens.

Thanks for the advice--I'm usually the cautious and careful one on issues...lol.

 

Would you say a majority or minority of closeted gays have sexual relations? I was under the impression that a majority did.

My coming out (which has only begun, waiting for specific events to continue) was rushed because I am usually the rational, this is the right way to proceed, one. Once I got past my mental block, it was no longer a question. I'll add that the process started with a VERY small portion of the people I'm telling. Specific events have to happen--but the plan is loosely put in place already. Prayers for Bobby pushed me miles over the top. I was already decided and then by pure chance I got the movie and watched it a mere night before telling the first person. #1 favorite movie of mine. I can't believe it is not more well received to the public. Yes, people like it, but I'm talking omg seriously this is so good and perfect. I'm contemplating picking up ten copies to sit out at some gatherings--although I hope to get a few groups together to watch it. Having seen it probably 15 times now, I'm still unable (unfortunately) to get through it without balling.

 

Thank you. You are all right and I realize that now. I guess my excitement took over and led me to act abnormally. As I said, I'm normally the safest, slowest, most rational person that exists but my overwhelming rush of emotions altered my thoughts. I do have some progress to report but I don't want to feel bad about it because I am taking it very slow and am looking at the activities from a ways back. It's a new outlook but I don't think I should "avoid" starting a relationship at all costs. It really gave me a good self-esteem boost to receive the dating communications. I was feeling a bit hopeless before--not having anything set up after several days of trying (some I declined). These are based exclusively on looks while what I am running at is much more meaningful.

A few days ago I contacted a few people and one of them responded, with another contacting me on his own. Both are interested in meeting but they both pushed me to take it slow, and one outright agreed that we should take it slow to keep our relationship possibilities open. The other said that he is only interested in hooking up several days later. He wants it to feel more right and reasonable. It took some time for me to accept the wait but I am fully accepting now. Rather than meeting up right away, we're waiting 2-4 days. One of the guys I see as a real possibility and the other more as a friend potential. I set up a date with one of the guys and the other is very busy and is trying to find a good chance (the maybe better as friend one). Anyway, this involves finding someone and taking it slow and proceeding with caution. We are going to fix some dinner and watch a relevant movie at my place. I have no expectations and am just looking forward to holding each other while we watch the movie.

I should add that I talked to each of these two guys for 1-2 hours on the phone each. Does this sound a little better? The funny thing is that this was mostly me just responding to the communication. I'm not trying to "accomplish" anything before I leave but I am setting up a fun evening, which we both want. Should I turn him down if he asks for sex? Would that make everyone happy? Would that increase our chances? I have to say that the one is especially appealing to me. I am shocked how many good similarities and connections I have with both guys. The more likely long term one fits much better with my point in life than the other.

Or is everyone telling me I'm not worthy of a relationship until I can get past more roadblocks? I moved at lightning speed through the first coming out phases (at which point I'm basically required to complete the rest) and once I did, I felt entitled to at least look around. Everyone's advice, along with my own failure, has caused me to slow WAY down. No longer do I want to secure something before I go home. No longer do I want to have sex before I leave. I still wouldn't mind a date or two but I will go to it/them not expecting sex in the least. I hope I am less scary now because this feels much better. There is plenty of time to be silent, sit, and think about what I am doing and plan it out before anything even occurs.

 

Hey, I'm going after this as a real, meaningful relationship. I may just turn him down the first time! I have a close nit group around me who could not be more supportive and helpful, as well as a friend who has offered any of his gay acquaintances to mentor me. I have everything I could want and will consider them. I feel that the network I have is built on a wide variety of outlets and, more importantly, has been rock solid and crucial to me.

 

Okay, I will try to form a friendship first. I am benefiting from everyone's advice, even if I don't sound like it. This is ALL so new to me but I have traditionally had great instincts that have allowed me to make a lot of really smart decisions throughout my life. I will take and use everyone's advice closely. Do I sound a bit more sincere now? I feel it.