Teen caught viewing gay porn, what now?

"I read in another post here that this is a "loss" for me and this is what it feels like. I feel sick to my stomach and I feel like someone just told me that one of my kids has a disease that will prevent them from walking. I think my wife is having a better time at this. She has done some reading and seems much less concerned about this than I am. I was in denial and hoping it wasn't so when we first talked. I'm still in denial, but having been through sex offender counseling, I know what all this is about and I know where I am and where I need to be -- I'm working towards accepting this."


I think trying to accept that your son is gay is a good thing. Denial will only prolong that transition. I think if you want answers, rather than reading books, talk to your son. Your son can describe what he is going through and relate to your family better than a book can. Just don't condemn yourself or him for his sexuality. When you are with your son, try now to draw too much attention to his sexuality, it will only make the situation more awkward for both people. It make seem significant at first, which it is. BUT I think about how significant the change it is for him. The change is reduced for you, because you don't have to live being different everyday. His social life might change, but he will still be the same son you had before.

I was the person who said that my parents saw it as a loss. They are getting better at accepting it. But when ever I see my dad start to cry, I wish I was never Gay. It makes me feel like a failure and that I have done something wrong. So try to not show emotion when your son is around. I know my dad is trying to accept it, but it's going to take time until he totally does. It's ok if you take time to accept it too, because i'm sure your son is trying to accept it too just as much as you are.

I wish you the best during this difficult time of transition.

 

Given that my opinion has already been posted on this thread by many others, I'll just express my admiration of you and other EC members.

First of all, you're an admirable parent and I'm glad your son has you as his father. Although you're still not completely informed on the topic, you're doing far greater than many/most people do or would do. The important thing for you to know is that your son can have a healthy, happy life no matter his sexuality. He just needs to be told about safe sex and about relationships and all that, as any other teenager.

And as for EC members, it's heart-warming to see how much so many of you care about this.

 

Under the Family and friends heading, you say "net" instead of "next".

Very good letter.


I was teary eyed reading through parts of it.





Well done.

 

Oh my God.

Parent174, honestly i guess i don't have enough words for what you are doing, haha.

I'm sorry this has not too much to do with the actual topic, but if you want to read my story, i will post it here for you..


I don't know very well where to start...eh ....Well, i'm a bisexual 16 year old guy, that has his sexuality rejected by his mother and the other relatives that know it (because my mother told them) doesn't help the situation either, its not a matter of rejection actually, i don't care whats their opinion i just wanted respect but...i don't get that. My family is just plain biased, and whats worse is that they don't care about saving their opinions for themselves, they want to change me, they want me to change (like if i could do that, haha) basically just for the sake of how the society sees me and them... Well i guess you got the picture. And that hurts me a lot, i basically don't trust them anymore and it feels like there is no union anymore. For me it feels like everything is destroyed, and i am not dramatizing it.

My Dad doesn't know it yet, and mom is hiding it... I'm suspecting he will basically freak out when i tell him, and my mother told me that would destroy our family, she knows him better than me (of course) so i guess she may be right. At some point i will tell him and whatever might happen, its going to happen.

You are a Dad that is taking the situation rationally, you surely care about your son's feelings and want the best for him (i don't feel that in my family, taking in consideration what i've been getting i guess they just want me to look "good" for the society and have a "normal" life, even if its fake, even if its bad for me) you have your opinions, sure, you might not think homosexuality is Ok, but you are here, discussing it, seeking help and who knows how far you are going just because of that. You are not locked to what was already in your head, you are going further than just "I think this is wrong, there is a way to change that" or even "we can maybe just ignore everything and push it to a corner" and everything turning around your Son's situation. If only some people in my family had half the head you have....


i'm sorry if i went too far or i this all sounded non-sense, i hope it made some sense at least Lol

Anyways congratulations, your conduct is admirable. I wish the best for you, your son and your family!

 

Just LOVE him. Being gay is hard enough with out having to worry about someone going through your computer all the time. He is young and is having a hard time with this I am sure. Yes being gay is a hard road. But maybe this will help with at least one of your concerns.
Disease is not just transmitted through us. I am an EMT who has worked in a hospital for three years and on an ambulance for one. I have seen way more straight people with HIV/AIDS than I have gay. Explain your fears too your son. Tell him the importance of getting a good history from any sexual partner. And that no matter what if he is having sex before marriage he should always wear a condom. No matter how hard this conversation is for any of you you should still have it. Explain to him the importance of having regular testing done once he starts having sex. And explain to him how some diseases take a while to show up.
You are a great person and great dad for loving him with out limits.
GOOD LUCK
YOU CAN DO THIS>
maybe even introduce him to this site.

 

Wow, I just saw this thread and didn't get to read the first 4 pages. But looks like I might be too late.

For me, I have been looking at gay porn since.. middle school? and even if straight porn or femdom comes up, I find myself attracted to the men in the porn and not the women. My dad divorced right when I was middle school, so I don't hve anyone to look at my browser history and porn history. You're a good dad for keeping an eye on him. Porn can be healthy or unhealthy, but it's usually the latter for most peeps.

(Other members might disagree with me on this?)
I think the key question is not what porn he looks at. Yes, looking at porn can be problematic when you hve school work. But more like, does your son wants to date/hold hands/spend life with another man?

(Though I have to say, I didn't know some spots on my body can be sensual until I look at porn lol)
(don't kill me if someone said that already lol)

 

Uhhh yeah, as kacho said, I might be a bit too late here as well, lol.

Anyways, I skimmed a couple of the replies and I just want to pitch in my two-cents.

Why not just teach him how to roam the internet safely? That includes porn and what not. Tell him that if he ever watches porn (despite it being against your rules) that he should AT LEAST be smart about it. If he ever comes across kiddie porn, either, tell a law official about it OR just completely ignore it and go and do something else. Or masturbate to imagination (which I know sounds really silly).

If he ever questions whether something is kiddie porn or not, chances are, it probably was.

 

generally my rule is if the person doesnt have beards or look too young, there is a possibility lol. you want someone in porn who looks older lol