So another awkward question?

No penetration wouldn't be a deal-breaker for me. I'm pretty oral.

 

I wonder if there are people out there who like to have sex ewith women but prefer men for relationships. In my opinion men just have lower emotional intelligence on average and that makes a lot of them difficult to establish an intimate bond with.

 

*raises hand*

I like sex with guys a lot too, but there's particular things about being with a woman that just aren't the same as with guys and it makes being with them a unique type of enjoyment.

My relationships with women were mostly dull and not fulfilling though, while being with a guy has been awesome and emotionally fulfilling.

 

Can you name what is that cool thing for you? Just out of interest from the other side of the fence

 

Well to be frank, I am not a huge fan of it, so if it is a prerequisite to any sexual activity it has to be under very specific conditions. First of all, out of the blue without any preparation it's out of question.

I used to get freaked out as a virgin a lot over this. And my mind blew certain things out of proportion I think. First of all, I imagined it like some freaking surgery -it wasn't like that. I also had fears about getting pregnant, or about stumbling on an inconsiderate guy who wouldn't stop even if I asked. Thankfully, my lover wasn't anything like this. But still, there wasn't enough chemistry with me imagining a woman instead of him all the time (and I considered myself bisexual back then).

I believe you've got some decent answers from @tystnad and other members as well. Being with a woman doesn't guarantee satisfaction or understanding. In all instances, communication is key.

And I don't think you're abnormal for preferring clitoris stimulation over penetration. It's were most nerve endings for pleasure are positioned anyway.

 

It's a little hard to describe, but it's mostly a psychological thing I think. There are physical aspects too, like a woman's breasts are really nice to touch and hold during sex which doesn't really work with guys, since we don't have real breasts.

The psychological part sounds a bit weird put into words but... there's a natural animalistic wave of feelings, a really strong desire to just mount her and start penetrating until she gets pregnant, because that's what males are supposed to do, and your entire body is telling you to do it (which is why a lot of people forget to use condoms in the moment, their body wants the pregnancy to happen even if their mind doesn't) then once you start having sex with her it feels like it's the most natural and right thing you could be doing with your life, feeling the inside of her body is an amazing sensation. Women have visible signs of being turned on by their partner that men don't have, like their vagina getting more wet and feeling it contract, and that's a gigantic psychological and physical turn on to know that her body is creating the extra lubrication specifically because she wants you inside her.

 

That's funny that you mention the breasts. One of the things that made me realize I'm a lot gayer than I thought, was my dismay and frustration that the human before me had nothing on his chest for my hands to hold into. And it was my first time having sex so it was weird...But it helped me figure out my orientation.

 

I meant what about guys feels better emotionally. I can't really imagine. The typical male to me is a coworker. We work on something together, we can be friends, but the cold exterior makes me lose sexual interest in him even if it was there to being with. Competition also doesn't make me feel butterflies, quite the opposite.

I know how a male feels about a female all to well. I guess I just miss a bit or two down there. Frustrating.

 

Not all males and females are created equally, some males might have very female brains and vice versa. Sometimes it's not enough to induce gender dysphoria and sometimes it is but people still choose not to alter their gender expression/physical appearance and remain presenting as their birth assigned sex.

Also, people are socialised differently growing up.

 

And the point being?
I wonder what is attractive for other people.

 

Different things are attractive to different people?

 

Okay. But I wonder what is attractive for others.

 

Are you saying you want other members of Empty Closets to list traits that they personally find attractive in males?

 

There's a level of passion guys have that women don't to me, yea they might originally seem cold on the exterior but when they open up more it's very loving and intimate. Being with a guy feels safe - I can be snuggled by him and know he's protecting me, kiss him and feel his strength and lust as he kisses back. Lay with him in bed and just hold each other and know that we're both there for each other. Things like that.

 

Maybe you should check out SOME bi guys. I like to be tender, caring and emotional with women. I like my men to be horny urgent and rough. I can be with a woman all night long just to be with them. With guys, there better be some action.

I think it does vary for some of us how we relate to men and how we relate to women.

As far as the subject of penetration. For me, it just depends on the mood of both partners. The intimacy achieved with intercourse can be amazing for me with women. With men I always feel detached. I think you will find everyone, even guys, have different ways that they are able to love and be intimate and there is no right way.

 

L4E it seems you are making the case in reality you are a lesbian. Perhaps you are struggling to admit it by hanging on to the idea you still are attracted to men. I think your confusion would end if you were in a relationship with a woman. Embrace it, enjoy it. You have a whole wonderful life ahead of you as a gay woman free to be who you are.

 

It does seem as if you might be more gay than bisexual, but I would say don't fret about it. Experience will show you what you need to know.