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So another awkward question?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Love4Ever, Oct 4, 2018.

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  1. Love4Ever

    Love4Ever
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    So basically I was curious if this is more common in queer women or maybe is/was a sign or what have you, but the thing is, I don't like any form of penetration. At all. I just don't. I know a lot of women use sex toys and stuff or their fingers to masturbate but the thing is, I only get off if I hump a chair, or my mattress. Friction is the only way I get off. Clitorial stimulation is the only thing I like. I've tried other things and I always go back to my faithful routine that I learned from a young age. I was wondering though if women who generally get off this way end up being not straight? Is it common for a queer women to not be aroused or experience pleasure from any form of penetration? I guess I just want to not feel unusual.
     
    #1 Love4Ever, Oct 4, 2018
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  2. Love4Ever

    Love4Ever
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    Because the thing is, I'm bi, but despite finding men sexually attractive and being turned on by male parts, I don't want any form of penetration which most straight guys love. I don't know how realistic it would be to find a man who doesn't want penetration. But I know lots of women are totally cool with other activities. So I'm wondering I guess yet again how gay I actually am, and whether I'm right in that most men won't work for me.
     
    #2 Love4Ever, Oct 4, 2018
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  3. Mihael

    Mihael
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    I don't know, but I have the same... condition. Being penetrated makes me feel nausea and I think it should give a positive sensation that I don't feel. I could agree to be penetrated for my partner to feel good, but maybe we would have to work on the position.
     
    #3 Mihael, Oct 4, 2018
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  4. Love4Ever

    Love4Ever
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    I'm glad I'm not alone. I just don't want anything up there. I'm willing to try fingers but honestly, I don't really get off that way.
     
    #4 Love4Ever, Oct 4, 2018
  5. Love4Ever

    Love4Ever
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    I just figure lesbian sex has a lot of... rubbing for lack of a better word. And that's basically all that makes me feel good.
     
    #5 Love4Ever, Oct 4, 2018
    Last edited: Oct 4, 2018
  6. tystnad

    tystnad Guest

    honestly i think this is something that varies so much that it might be hard to say. like, there are plenty of lesbians who enjoy penetrative sex with strap ons and stuff... but that doesn't mean they like men. so i think not liking penetration does not necessarily mean you cannot like men, either. it's also something that can change depending on what stage of life you are, what your partner is like, etc.

    i think what may be worth considering if it's just because you don't like the sensation of being penetrated (like just not being able to get off from it, for example) or if it is because of the picture you form in your mind related to penetration (ie fantasizing about having sex with a man). these could point into very different directions, the first just being sexual preference and the second being an unconscious discomfort with the idea of having sex with a man that you then associate with penetration. both are completely valid of course, but if you're looking for some answer as to what the root of this is that could be worth looking into.
     
    #6 tystnad, Oct 4, 2018
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  7. Love4Ever

    Love4Ever
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    Good point. The thing is... it's not the man. Fantasizing about a man gets me turned on just fine. It's like a light switch. But the penetration? I don't want that.
     
    #7 Love4Ever, Oct 4, 2018
  8. Love4Ever

    Love4Ever
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    Ironically, I would be willing to penetrate someone else if they wanted me to. I wouldn't mind giving if they wanted to try it.
     
    #8 Love4Ever, Oct 4, 2018
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  9. Love4Ever

    Love4Ever
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    Though I will say, if someone really wanted to try penetration on me, I would only consider it if it was a strap on. I don't know. I just don't think I would get anything out of it.
     
    #9 Love4Ever, Oct 4, 2018
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  10. Mihael

    Mihael
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    Yeah it's not all that uncommon to not like penetration. A loving partner can change a lot, however. And invention in sex life. There are a lot of different things that are not penetrative sex, but are sexual. A lot of women complain that the man thinks only about himself in sex and that they'd rather be pleased in other ways and he only wants to bang.
     
    #10 Mihael, Oct 4, 2018
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  11. Love4Ever

    Love4Ever
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    I get this completely. My main fantasy is basically oral. So I just imagine myself going down on or being gone down on by a man or a woman
     
    #11 Love4Ever, Oct 4, 2018
  12. Biguy45

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    That is precisely why I always made sure to orally or manually please my wife before. I knew I was going to finish I wanted her to enjoy it as well
     
    #12 Biguy45, Oct 4, 2018
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  13. Love4Ever

    Love4Ever
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    I guess I am just wondering if I am more gay then I realized. And realistically, should I assume most men won't be into a sex life with no penetration?
     
    #13 Love4Ever, Oct 4, 2018
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  14. Biguy45

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    Going down on a woman is quite fun. Actually going down on men is quite fun too
     
    #14 Biguy45, Oct 4, 2018
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  15. tystnad

    tystnad Guest

    i can't speak from experience of course, but with penetrative sex being seen as "standard" sex, and many straight people even questioning if sex without penetration is sex at all (sigh), the chances are that most (cis) men are not going to be into the idea of leaving penetrative sex out.

    but it's also good to remember that sexual preferences don't necessarily determine your sexuality (like i said, plenty of lesbians do enjoy penetrative sex - and also, not all men have penises and not all women do not!), hence the question i posted above. whether or not this is any indicator of "how gay" you are really depends on what is the root of not wanting penetrative sex. also, i think actually having sex might influence this as well, because actually being around someone with a penis who you care for and feel super turned on by is going to be different than anything you can do by yourself. not saying that it will change - just that these things can be difficult to 100% figure out on a mostly theoretical, abstract basis. )
     
    #15 tystnad, Oct 4, 2018
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  16. Mihael

    Mihael
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    A man can get realease from pleasing him too. Be it oral sex or a hand job...
     
    #16 Mihael, Oct 4, 2018
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  17. Love4Ever

    Love4Ever
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    Thank you for your honesty. I kinda knew that was how most men would feel. Sigh. Oh well.
     
    #17 Love4Ever, Oct 4, 2018
  18. Love4Ever

    Love4Ever
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    Right. And see, I am totally okay wth doing this. As long as he returns the favor.
     
    #18 Love4Ever, Oct 4, 2018
  19. Biguy45

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    I actually sometimes prefer this. A hand job can feel amazing
     
    #19 Biguy45, Oct 4, 2018
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  20. Elle993

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    I believe I am a lesbian but never have been with a woman and married to a man at the moment so I only have experience with men. With that said, I do like penetration. I think that’s part of what can be confusing for me because I can orgasm with a man. The past year as I have awakened to my feelings for women I have little desire to have sex with my husband but if I masturbate I still like the penetration. It gives a more intense orgasm compared to when I orgasm without penetration.
     
    #20 Elle993, Oct 4, 2018
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