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Porn addiction and sexual confusion?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by localfwbguy, Jan 25, 2013.

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  1. localfwbguy

    localfwbguy
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    Hey yall, I was actually able to abstain yesterday and today is day 2. I feel really good, I was really caught in a cycle of use. Anyways, I am impulsive when it comes to this. Porn and fantasy is a very effective means of escape, the hours just fly. I have triggers but I have a tough time putting up any defense. Basically I am at work right now and have plans to kick it with a bud afterwards and go to an AA meet later too. (I'm also a drunk in recovery LOL). I spoke to my shrink and my sponsor about this and basically see I need to surround myself with positive people and avoid to much alone time at home. Also, when I'm not all wrapped up in fantasy land I'm not all anxious about sexuality which is a delight. Great to have a break. It is only day 2, so I'm just beggining. I hope to avoid all PMO. Thanks for the support, good not to be alone :slight_smile:
     
    #21 localfwbguy, Jan 31, 2013
  2. Jim1454

    Jim1454
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    You're certainly not alone - not in this issue. Take care.
     
    #22 Jim1454, Jan 31, 2013
  3. Chip

    Chip
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    This is a great step. One "shortcut" that might help you with your sobriety (both sexual and alcohol-related) is this one "If you're addicted to it, you're addicted to all. In short, there's a well-documented pattern of addicts, when they achieve sobriety with one drug, simply switching to another. Most AA groups are single-purpose, in that they only focus on abstaining from alcohol. But to be healthy, you need to really dig deeper into the underlying behaviors and feelings that drive the addiction, because pretty much all addiction (drugs, alcohol, food, porn, sex...) is, at its base driven by the desire to numb feelings.

    If you aren't already doing so, I'd suggest finding a therapist or counselor with experience in addiction medicine to explore what's going on for you. It will be a lot easier to maintain sobriety, and not transfer it to something else, if you work on the underlying issues.
     
    #23 Chip, Jan 31, 2013
  4. bballfan

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    This thread really got me thinking... Is it really possible that I think I'm gay because I've watched gay porn for years?
    I denied it in my mind for many years up until recently. Me being gay kind of went numb in the back of my mind, I would just watch the porn to get my release and then I wouldn't think about sex for a while. Then when I got a girlfriend, I couldn't really get into it when we would try to have sex. I would often have ED but not always.
    I thought this was a sure sign that I was really gay. But could this really be because of watching porn? This thought never crossed my mind before...What are some ways that I could test this theory out?
     
    #24 bballfan, Jan 31, 2013
  5. MattGuy

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    It is possible to condition yourself to being turned on by porn and certain types of porn at the expense of actually being turned on by being with a real person. Porn is very very mentally stimulating - they want you to want more and more. Your brain gets used to a certain artificial stimulus and not what it should naturally be stimulated by. I think for many people porn can 'numb' their actual physical sexual attraction to others. Often a heavy porn user (especially one that uses porn as their exclusive sexual outlet for a long period of time) has fantasies about what sex is like with another person that differ from what it actually IS like to be with another person so real sex doesnt seem as stimulating. If that makes sense. That could explain the ED type issues you are having. Honestly I've had the same thoughts as you. However, you need to be honest with yourself. Are you attracted to your girlfriend? Do you WANT to have sex with her? Or do you just want to want to have sex with her? Just be honest.

    I'll tell you what I'm doing. 1. Cutout porn. You don't need it. It is artificial stimuli. 2. Try to go awhile without having a 'release' :icon_wink 3. When you're all good and horny from all this try and evaluate your thoughts. Be open to the thought you might be gay or straight or bi or whatever else and try to be objective. You will find your answer eventually if you are honest with yourself. It's really very simple, but accurate self reflection and honesty is required! That's the hard part for everyone. At the very least if you cut out porn for a month or so you will no longer have it as an excuse or denial mechanism if you still have an attraction to men. You are young and have plenty of time to figure it all out. Good luck!
     
    #25 MattGuy, Jan 31, 2013
  6. bballfan

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    Thanks MattGuy! I'm going to try to resist porn for an entire month and see how I feel.
     
    #26 bballfan, Jan 31, 2013
  7. localfwbguy

    localfwbguy
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    Wow, this has really been a great post. Thanks all yall for sharing with me. I am an addict and know that anything can send me over. I am ending my 2nd day PMO free and I feel really good about it. A poster above was pretty dead on about avoiding all PMO (Porn,Masterbation, Orgasm) for a period of time. In my case, my record is like 8 days. I am going to try to stay accountable and watch for triggers. I know this will be tough but I'm feeling very optimistic (day 2 LOL). I found a website that talks about this stuff, yourbrainonporn.com. It has all kinds of info of porn effects on us. I suppose I am just excited that I recognize this as an issue and I'm finally able to start trying to work on it. I know that whatever my orientation is, this shit is doing me know good. Thanks again yall, for the support and hope.
     
    #27 localfwbguy, Jan 31, 2013
  8. localfwbguy

    localfwbguy
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    Hey all, today is day 4 without porn or any...yea. Well I feel pretty good, more mentally relaxed and not obsessed with sex or sexuality. I do have some anxiety because I'm bored, and have nothing to do. I'm posting this because I started getting that...I want to search feeling. I have recognized the red flag and im just trying to occupy my mind with not caving.
     
    #28 localfwbguy, Feb 2, 2013
  9. localfwbguy

    localfwbguy
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    Day 5. So far so good. Had a fleeting craving last night, so went out to Starbucks instead!
     
    #29 localfwbguy, Feb 3, 2013
  10. MattGuy

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    Keep at it localfwbguy. You are doing well so far. One thing you can try to do is just always have something at the ready to do as an alternative when you get a "craving". I actually have gotten into some TV show series, so whenever I'm bored or feel like looking at porn I just turn on an episode. Or I will just do some light kettlebell workouts. Getting out of the house like you did is also a really good idea. It provides a ton of distractions. Just always have something ready, because if you have to spend time searching for an alternative activity you are more likely to fail.

    I also caution you to not get yourself into the habit of substituting something sexual in place of porn. Just be aware of it and avoid it. Porn photos or even something as simple as browsing personal ads or looking at casual encounters ads on craigslist (I'm guilty of this) are a bad idea and are only going to trigger your addiction.
     
    #30 MattGuy, Feb 3, 2013
  11. localfwbguy

    localfwbguy
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    Hey Mattguy, thanks for the love man. I can really relate to what you said about the CL ads because that has led to falls many times. I've been watching some Netflix series and staying active. I'm probably going to get together with friends later on to which is an awesome because I have no cravings. I think I am already starting to see how life is better without all the binging and remorse and all. I've also been frequenting yourbrainonporn.com and reading about other people and there reboot process and checking in here is helping too. Good to be accountable! Thanks again, good luck to you to man! I'll post on here periodically, good accountability
     
    #31 localfwbguy, Feb 3, 2013
  12. localfwbguy

    localfwbguy
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    Day 5 coming to an end! Feels good to be PMO free for another day. I did start having some anxiety and have had some withdraw symptoms. I've had some ups and downs as well. Damn, its still early but I'm feeling good. Another plus is my significant other is out of town for several more days, so there is no pressure for performance or anything. My partner is very supportive, so im sure ill be able to keep working on my reboot. Thanks again, feels good to have this as an accountability tool.
     
    #32 localfwbguy, Feb 3, 2013
  13. ConfusedNevada

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    I been doing the PMO now for six weeks to see if my urges for gay porn is just excitement from too much masturbation to where women dont do it for me or if Im gay too. Keep it up.
     
    #33 ConfusedNevada, Feb 3, 2013
  14. Omla

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    Best advice,
    Find some more sweetness in your life and it will
    Definitely help you with your thinking about this.

    I have some of the same issues.

    I'm sort of addicted to asian massage.
    I love it, but its addictive.
    Plus, the woman have techniques to keep you coming
    Back. They definitely want your business!

    ---------- Post added 4th Feb 2013 at 11:32 AM ----------
    That's what my shrink said about alcohol and it helped clarify
    And reduce my need for it.

    My asian message addiction is a little tougher.

    It's also expensive!
     
    #34 Omla, Feb 4, 2013
  15. localfwbguy

    localfwbguy
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    Hey good people, I hit a little set back today on Day 6. It was a slip for sure and I've kinda git some cravings going and the little voice keeps saying "you failed, just Binge!". I am doing my best to stay on track despite my set back. Today is tougher though for sure. I have more anxiety and sex/ fear of full blown relapse and, and, and. I'm gonna stick it out, thanks!
     
    #35 localfwbguy, Feb 4, 2013
  16. localfwbguy

    localfwbguy
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    Man, I guess I forgot how it felt when I was trying to kick my last major addiction. As I recal it was like I lost a limb and to learn a totally new was to live. I suppose this is going to be the same. After my "setback" this morning, I've had an active day in my head. Basically, its like I turned the machine back on, like if your an alcoholic and you take just one drink you wish you would have just done without. I just got home, was obsessing all day. First thing I did was close my blinds, but im actually putting up a fight. I came straight here to update this deal. I'm in danger though, have nothing to do, just got home, no ones here, been craving all day but I know if I cave it will be hours apon hours and ill feel so shitty. Anyways, I'm trudging on... More will be revealed.
     
    #36 localfwbguy, Feb 4, 2013
  17. bballfan

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    I am on day 5 and I was doing really good, didn't really feel any urges. And then it all hit me in the middle of class this afternoon. I'm actually glad it hit me at that time because I couldn't do anything about it. I'm still going strong but the attraction to men is definitely still there more than women. Not sure what that really means. We will see. Good luck anyone else trying to refrain from PMO
     
    #37 bballfan, Feb 4, 2013
  18. localfwbguy

    localfwbguy
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    Dude hang in there man! I slipped today, first without porn and then with. Luckily I didnt go on a bender but basically I am gonna struggle now. So I will start a new tomorrow, Day 1 again. Ughhh this sucks. For 5 days I felt normal, really good and no real attractions period. I slipped up this morning, thoughts about both sexes but only intercourse for a moment. Then I hit some het porn this afternoon right after my previous post about "staying strong". I gave, had almost no defense. Looks like ima have to just try again. The fight against PMO goes on!
     
    #38 localfwbguy, Feb 4, 2013
  19. bballfan

    bballfan
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    Wellp I made it a full 7 days. The good thing is even though my streak is over, I don't feel addicted and I know I could have gone longer. I don't feel bad about it.

    Some weird things I noticed: I felt few urges and sexual thoughts (all about guys), but for the most part my mind was off of sex. After I got off, I felt stupid for thinking im attracted to guys. It usually only lasts about an hour. I can never figure out why my brain does that.

    The good news: I know I'm not addicted to porn. I'm also now fairly certain that I am indeed attracted to guys more than girls. Refraining from porn made no difference in what I'm attracted to. Thinking about ever doing something with a guy in real life scares me to death though.

    I recommend trying to refrain from PMO, set a goal for yourself. You can learn some things about yourself this way.
     
    #39 bballfan, Feb 6, 2013
  20. localfwbguy

    localfwbguy
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    I made it to day 6, then to day 2, now back on day 1. I can relate to what you said about your brain being turned off to sex, and honestly that was awesome! Just to have a freaking break. Truth be told, I think i like avoiding arousal because then I don't have to deal with the anxiety of what I'm into. Basically, all porn that I get into features old mature men and usually its hetero with a good looking young chick. I feel the best when I'm being my own friend though. I still want to kick Porn. Whatever I may be, porn is not a good thing for me because I can and do binge on it. I also feel like shit quite abit after a bender, and sometimes I can't even give myself a day to heal physically from a bender. It is not pleasant at all... Thanks yall.
     
    #40 localfwbguy, Feb 7, 2013
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