Im super confused

Hey guys

Quiet peace told to post this thread here, thank you i didnt know blog post didnt het many views, so im going to repeat what i wrote on my blog post

Thanks to everyone who will reply

Im not native so sorry for my english mistakes.

Im currently questioning my sexuality, im a 18 year old male, and i would like some advice because i think its the only way now, i tried everything...

So to start, ive always thought i was straight, actually i still think i am, but my mind tells me otherwise..

Everything started after a friend of mine came out to us, a thought in my head popped "what if im gay too?"

I started analysing everything i could to see if i was gay, and i saw about HOCD, but i dont know if this thing really exists.

So after too much thinking, my head started to overthinking about whether i like this friend or not..

And nowadays i cant even see him personally, because i feel so anxious and nervous, even when i hear his voice i start to panic because i get scared

So i started watching gay porn, i was into porn since im 12, and then i start watching gay porn to see my reactions.

So i didnt like it and i still dont, i dont even know why i still watching, just to prove myself im not gay, or to prove that im gay.

And my mind still tells me that im, i go out to walk and when i see a men i get nervous too.

And im always trying too imagine me kissing other guys, and it doesnt arouse me too

And im so tired of all this ):

So i saw a post from chip here in this forum, and he said that we should masturbate to thoughts to see which one of them give us arousal.

I watch a lot of porn, like a lot, and i masturbate like 5 to 6 times a day, i feel numb.

And my head keeps telling me im gay and i just want to be happy.

So i started masturbating to thoughts, and i didnt get aroused too

Like i get feelings in my penis when im masturbating to men, some responses, but i think its because im masturbating, but i cant reach a full erection, or an orgasm
Sometimes i got feelings in my penis that feel really strong, and i always think im going to get aroused to it.

But when it feels like im getting an erection, instead it gets more flacid but it feels really really weird

Today i masturbate thinking of me having sex with men, and it was the same until i imagine him orgasm

And then i started getting what i thought it was arousal, but i couldnt get an erection and it was so weird because the feeling was like i dont know, weird and hurt a little bit, because i was there trying to get hard for too much time.

But i felt something and i tried again, and again, and again, until my arm started to hurt.

And its always like that, its a compulsion, and i have to masturbate until i get certain that im not gay

And im scared about this feeling, because it felt like it was a arousal, and i tried like 5 times, but i wasnt able to get hard.

And i tried after too, bexause im obssesive about this, and i didnt get an erecrion too

Maybe im just overthinking?

But it only got like that because i was masturbating, because when im not masturbating and only thinking, my penis dont even move

So i dont know id its a normal reaction because im masturbating to it, or if it was a arousal.

There was other times when i felt somethung similar but everytime i was going to masturbate to proof i couldnt do it too

So i dont know guys, am i gay?

I dont like my friend but my mind tells me i like him

Everything happens because of my head

I dont know anymore, im super sad ):

Im tired of this, so am i gay? Or i just have some ocd

But men these feelings when i masturbate

But i cant get erection

And i can get with women super quick, i fantasize about them, i imagine myself with them and its great, i love

So i dont know, what do you think?

I hope yall have a great day

 

Hi quebec, tnx for the reply

I do really try to just move on with my life, but i always have intrusive thoughts along with a feeling in my groin, it bothers me to the point that i can only be relaxed by testing myself angain.

I try so hard to just think about something else, or forget about the feeling, but it wont go away unless i test myself to these thoughts

So im basically in a cicle, im ok in my day, feeling good then a intrusive thought appears or i see something that triggers me, i get nervous and got rhis feeling in my groin, its just a feeling, i dont get aroused by it, but it bothers me so much, and i just cant do anything unless i try to masturbate, and then i come back to the masturbate thing, where i masturbate to the thought trying to see if i would like it, which doesnt happen.

So i try my best, and im really trying but this thoughts are messing me up

Why do i have this thoughts?

But, tnx for the reply men i appreciate a lot, and tnx for the help, im going to try to relax

 

Hi quietPeace. I reqlly dont know if i have some sort of OCD, the only thing i know is that i dont qant to think about gay sex, or fantasize about it, but i need to do to prove something to myself, and i dont know what it is.

Im currently going to a psychiatrist and i take medicines for anxiety which i have all my life.

But im really disturbed by all this.

I just tried to fantasize with gay stuff again, just how chips said qe should try to do, but i didnt masturbate i just thought.

And i thought of giving a oral in a man, and i didnt get erect but i sure have felt something in my groin along the process

And the feeling is weird, like i feel kinda of a pressure in my groin, and some movements, and even sometimes i got a feeling that i cant describe.

Is kinda my penis is flacid but at the same time is tense?? So its like im flacid but my penis is so tense that sometimes even hurt.

And it sure feels like im going to get hard, since this feeling actually made my penis grow a little because its tense.

But i didnt get erect or aroused by the hole process

So why do i feel this??????? Im confused

And when i switch my fantasies at the same time its like a gate opens and i get aroused mentally and physically.

So what is this feeling, is it normal to have these feelings qhen thinking about that?

I assume you guys/girls are gay or bi right? So when you think about this, giving a oral to someone of the same sex, do you feel the same i feel? Or its completely different, because i really dont know.

When i think about it i dont get grossed out, just a little bit actually, its just like "what in the hell am i doing?" Until i switch fantasies.

And i dont get aroused and rock hard like people here say they do

Do you think im gay because of what is happening? If i were to be gay, i would have to accept so i wont be sad about it

Maybe im just repressed so i cant get erect propperly?

Or maybe im just overthinking and im not getting aroused and im wasting time of my life thinking about this?

Btw blowjobs are my number 1 fantasies/porn that arouses me at the momento, so i dont know if theres anything to do with it

But thanks a lot guys, i hope i can find peace with myself

 

Hi quietpeace, tnx for all the support

I know that you wont be able to tell me what am i, but you sure help me a lot, so thank you so much for that, its good to have ppl to talk about it.

And yes like you said, my number on fantasies and por are receiving a blowjob, i do get aroused imagining me giving oral to girls too, but its kinda hard bc i never did so i dont know how to fantasize about that, but i sure get horny to that too.

Im currently trying to stop watching porn, im kind addict, and some part of this is due to my obsession i think, i started to masturbate more than 5 times a day, its a lot and im sad that i do it.

And its hard to me bc i kind get froze when i see a dick, just to see a dick near a woman i kinda get aroused, and im always thinking about it, i think it just because the nature of porn right? But im little scared that its because i get aroused with penis, so i start to only see the penis itself and i go flacid so yeah

I really think i have some kind of ocd playing a role here

Im just too obsessive as i already said

Bht yeah ill try to live on with my life, if someone else comes at this forum and would like to give your opinion, i would be verry happy.

Tnx quietpeace, and sorry for my misleading regarding your sexuality, its just that im new here

Tnx for everything

 

Hi old tacoma.

Thx for the reply

Yeah youre totally right, thats actually what im doing, now i will start uni, and i really want to start happy and not worrying about things that, to be honest, doesnt matter.

I want to make new friends, hang out with them and i know that one day i will find a girl that i will love

Im saying girl bc i dont have attractionbto men but, if it changes with time ill want to be happy too.

Thx for the support, i appreciate it

 

So guys just to answer a question that i have

A lot of time when o fantasize, i do really think of the porn scenes that i watched

And most of the times its like the guy and the girl having sex but focusing on the dick entering the vagina(sorry for being too much graphic)

And i think its okay to imagine that, but in the back of my head theres a voice who keeps saying that this is gay, because im focusing on the dick enterung the vagina, like the movement of the dick,

Because this is actually what i see during the porn, i look the dick going in and out of the vagina and i look the woman (all parts of her)

And i do really think this is normal, but i wonder if you guys do the same, or maybe what i do is consider gay?

Sorry if i offended someone, and sorry for being graphic

And thx for all the help that youre giving me

Im happy to be here and to be listened

 

Hey guys.

Sorry for the spam, its just when i feel amxious and nervous i need to do something so im writing here.

Im currently passing through a period of my life where im really kinda tired of all this.

I already told in the first post but i have a gay friend, which i will start to study with in the uni

All my problem surrounding my sexuality came from him.

I started thinking that i could like him even thought i know i dont.

But it started to get more difficult to just get throught this

Like i tried so many times to famtasize with him or try to imagine me kissing him and i just cant its not good

But for some reason i feel so nervous around him, like i try to imagine me having a normal conversation with him, which is something that will become normal on my daily life

But i get so nervous, like a feeling in my chest, and i dont know hlw to describe it

Its different from other times i liked someone.

Why do i feel so nervous about him, i cant have a normal conversation with him, without thinking of him trying to kiss me, its hard to make eye contact with him, and i noticed it became hard to do it with all men i encounter

Ive always been someone who couldnt make eye contact but i started to get nervous doing it.

But i dont get nervous around guys though, im super chill and i love to spend time with my friends

But now im scared, what will happen in the uni, what if he tries to kiss me?

Or what if this feeling and nervous doesnt go away?

I dont want to spend my entire uni worrying about this

So what should i do guys?

Do you know what this feeling is?

I already tried to search on google about signs of love or passion or even a crush, but its not the same thing

All the girls i liked in my life, the feeling its not the same

And im kind of scared because i dont like him

But i get nervous around him, and i dont know how it will go at the uni.

I need some advice from you guys/girls who are in love with someone

What do you feel when love someone, because i dont know anymore.

I know that i dont like him but why i get nervous around him?

 

Hi, thx for the reply

I really want to be friend with him, hes such a cool guy and weve been really good friends for 3 years, but then we wnet different paths

And i really know that i dont like him, i cant imagine me with hin and ice already tried, ita very different from what i feel when dreaming about girls.

So trah i just want to be his friend without this fear that he could try to kiss me(everytime i forced me to fantasize about him, was him stelling a kiss from me) and disturbs me.

I dont want to think that, i just want to enhoy my life with his friendship you know

But i dont know why i feel nervous around him, like anxious and all, i feel nervous umconfortable, scared i dont know, and i dont want that

And answering your question, i troed so many times to fantasize about men, and imagine my life with a guy and i dont feel nothing really

I want girls in my life, but my head says i dont want that, and i keep getting intrusive thoughts about gay stuff, and intrusive feelings too(if this exists)

But yeah thats all, tnx for the reply

 

Hi guys, theres something i would like to ask you guys

What do you feel when you like someone and how can you tell if you like someone?

As i already said, theres a gay friend of mine with who km going to study with from now on

And all my intrusive thoughts, fears came from him sadly ):

And now im in a position where i feel uncomfortable and nervous around him or i think so

I dont see him for a long time, a year maybe. So i just try to imagine me having a normal conversation with him

And i get denied bc it always ends with him trying to kiss me and i feel uncomfortable and dont like, as i already said

But when i can imagine me having a normal conversation, i feel so nervous and so pressured, like i can even imagine me looking into his eyes, because feels me with dread, i feel wrong you know? I feel so nervous and anxious and i dont know why, im so sad, and then my head starts saying that its because i like him

The last girl i kind of liked was this year, i didnt fall for her but i sure felt something, i was really attracted to her, i even hang out with her and kissed her, and it was so good, i was scared at that time because i was used to get intrusive thoughts of my mind saying that i wouldnt loke to kiss a girl, so i was scared. It was a fast kiss but i really felt something, it felt so good, so right i really thought i could go through all this after that

But after some time she told me she was sti in love with her ex, and i was sad and i moved on, it was so good to think about her, it was so cool to talk to her, i always thought of her, when i was doing something i was thinking of her, or if she would like if i did something for her, those things, it was really enjoyable.

But now it went back, and everytime i talk to this friend i get this feeling

But the thing is, these feeling doesnt feel like the good nervous, when you are nervous but you feel happy, or you feel nervous bc you think the person is pretty or you dont want to make mistakes in front of them

This nervous is differente, i feel a horrible feeling in my chest, i dont like at all, i feel like he intimidates me, i cant be surr what it feels like, i just feel really nervous when i imaginr being around him, and i cant look into his eyes because it feels odd and horrible, i feel terrible.

And i dont know why, hes going to be in my class and i dont know what to do

What is this feeling? Why im so scared? Or maybe im in denial, but why it dont feel good at all, im scared about what will happen now, i need advice pls

What do you feel when you like someone?

How you teell you love somene?

And why do i feel like this around him? Am i too scared about him?

Tnx for all the support guys

 

Hi guys, sorry for writing again ,but im feeling kinda weird so i just wanted to talk a little

A friend of mine just show to me a pic of a dick, but we were just playing around and laughing

I didnt get erect looking at it, i even tried to go to the bathroom to imagine the pic to see how would i react

Bc i had those feelings that i say that i have, ppl say its groinal response but i dont know.

Then after i went to dinner, and the feeling started to bother me so much that i couldnt think anything but the feeling and i started getting an erection bc of the feeling

But i wasnt even think of that anymore

Does this feeling come from my masturbation addiction?

Bc when i have this feeling i cant think of anything else until i start to fantasize about girls

And i try to supress the feeling but then i get erections

Its not the first time that this happened after i saw a dick or a mans ass.

But its always like that, i dont get aroused to the image or thought but the feeling bothers me until i think about woman or i get so nervous that i get erection

So am i gay bc of that?

Why im still even here?

Sorry for bothering you guys really, i overthink too much

I just want to have a happy life again

Its killing me everytime

Sorry for bother guys ):

 

Hi chip, im really happy that youre here, i always read your comments.

So im currently going to a psychiatrist and im taking medicines regarding anxiety, i used to get thoughts while i was sleeping and always woke up scared in the middle off the night with severe anxiety.

But yeah im trying to look for a therapy but i dont want to do that now that were in pandemic time

But i really want to do it, i think it would help, i probably have ocd and i know i have some real deep problems with porn.

Today i watched one just to get off quickly but i had some trouble, i started watching so much hentai, and the while i was watching the girl took his pants off and the camera showed the guy having a erection, and i kinda had a erection too, not too much, but it scared me, i saw a lot of people saying its bc porn do this to ppl and we cant associate with real life

So yeah that was just that im fine now

Hi, tnx for the reply

Yeah i understand you, i know im overthinking and im fighting with all i have to just stay cool.

And yrah there were times when i felt this feeling in my penis while seeing man or dicks, but i never reached a full erection, ive always thought about things i did in past but i try not to put them as proof that im something, but i already tried so much and im tired.

Like i aleready have thoughts about a guy in the street and thinking about him made me kinda grossed out but i tried, but its didficult to imagine something qhen havung obsession bc my head judt start thinking about woman, so i kinda had what i think its was a erection but i was super nervous, like so much, so i waited to go home and started masturbaring, it didnt work, and after that everytime i remembered this i could get aroused too, so i just wenr with my life

And other times stuff like that happened, like 3 times, and always when i went to masturbate it just wont go you know, i cant.

But yeah men never made me aroused i even saw friends of mine naked and all, i even kissed some friends too and nothing happend.

And about my friend i really think im just overthinking, today a saw a pic of him, and i wasnt expected, i got so scared, like if i was watching a horror movie, it scared me bc i wasnt expected and my heart beated so fucking fast, i was feeling awful, it was the feeling when you got a jumpscare in a horror movie.

Im sad about him ): hes a cool dude but i dont think i will be able to be his friend again, im scared abou what could happen ):

Hi, tnx for the reply

Yeah i do have some real problems with anxiety, its difficult to do basic stuff, and this obsession is taking all my time, i cant think of anything else and i just want to be happy

Im stop using porn, i starting to masturbate only to thoughts, and the thoughts about girls are really getting me aroused, i thought i wouldnt be able to do that since i watch so much porn, but i can think of a girl while im masturbating, and it feels better without porn anyway.

It feels more plesurable i think, but porn is good too, vut my obsession wont let me have my private moment ):

Thanks guys for all the support, im really happy youre helping me, tnx for everything

Im happy