Im super confused

Hi noval tnx for the answer

Tbh i dont masturbate bc i want to test myself, i sure do this a lot but its not my main reason. I masturbatr bc its kinda a relief to me and bc since im too addicted to it, like i woke up thinking about sex w girls and kissing girls and i go to masturbate

Like sometimes it just happend, im okay doing nothing and i see a girl or a pic on instagram and it triggers me to masturbate, and im sure its bc of my addiction

I only told to my psychiatrist that im addict to porn, im ashamed of that so i dont say to anyone, i saw so many disgusting things just to feel pleasure and i feel horrible for doing that ):

But yeah im sure stopping on using porn, and i will stop masturbating too, its easier said than done but i will get there sometimes.

I usually fear that if i stop masturbating i will get aroused to guys.

There was one day where i was 3 days without masturbation and porn, and i tried to test myself with gay hentai and i tried to masturbate to it, and i kinda get erect, am i gay bc of that?

I discovered after that i kinda get aroused to reading sex things(this gay hentai was a manga), so when i was reading i was kind getting erect but with the images i think it did nothing to me

I tried after this and nothing happened.

This are the things that males me think i could br gay, these moments, what if im just lying to myself? But i dont feel like lying, so i let go and went on with my life, and i never got a erection to this things, i tried after but it did nothing and now im here, i tried everything but gay stuff doesnt get me going, maybe im supressing?

But thx man im really trying to find a therapist is just that i dont want to talk online bc i fear ppl will hear about it ):

But yeah thats it, why sexuality its such a confusion, maybe its my obsession thats causing this, i just cant stop thinking about that i kinda get addicted to think about wheter im gay or not lol

so yeah ill try my best, i want to be happy guys, and you make me feel comfortable here, tnx to everyone.

 

Oh and just one more thing that i didnt explained.

Am i gay if i find trans porn arousing? I dont know its not like i like dicks or something, its just that a dick in a woman its kinda sexy

And i get very aroused by the ideia of a girl having a penis, i sure dont want to be involved with one trans(not that i know) and i dont want to give oral sex to them but its kinda hot to see them with dicks so this made me very curios.

And i dont deny, i kinda like trans porn, i dont think its something i do bc of my addiciton bc after i finisih i feel normal you know? Its sure not the same feeling as straight porn, bc ma man, i sure love vaginas, but a girl with a dick can be sexy too

I really dont think this is something i should worry about, its just something that i like and i didnt tell anyone about it.

But i want to have your opinion since you guys can help.

I see a lot of comments saying that its considering gay, and a lot of comments saying that its kind of a cue for arousal for many many men throughout the world.

I just want to know your opinion, watching trans porn its a gay thing? I dont think so but what about you guys?

 

Hi noval, thx for the opinion.

Im sad to hear that youve been on the same boat as me, i simply hate this feeling and this obsession

And unfortunately its not my first obsession but its the longest, but i really understand what you said and i agree with you.

Im currently trying to find a way to just focus on other things in life but its kinda like smoking you know? I have a feeling in my head that it feels like its going to explode if i dont test or ruminate about something, its the exact same thing with masturbation too, when i see something that triggers my head and have the feeling in my groin, the feeling keeps bothering me until i masturbate to something.

And everything sucks now, i cant even enjoy more simple things in life due to this onsession.

Like i just want to be happy regardless of my orientation, i dont even care about it anymore, i tested so many fucking times that i just want to get rid of it.

I dont know if im gay or not but i dont care, i already tested myself too much but the compulsion to really be sure its killing me.

Im taking meds and im going to psychiatrist, he said that its probably obsession and trauma over this subject and it get so uncomfortable due to my anxiety which gives me a lot of pain too.

And some old obsessions came along the way with that too, like checking if the door is close or if im turn of the stove, or even turning on and off my lights to be sure that they are turned off.

And im trying to seek some help here just to feel comfortable, i really check so much on the internet and in forums like this one

Ive already obsessed about so many things, i used to get thlughts about hurting my family members or being racist in the street and disrespectful.

Anxiety kills me since i knew myself as a person.

But tnx to the advice, but im going to be really true here

I dont know what to do to stop this, its like im masturbating until i get sure aroused with guys and feel good, maybe if this happens i could find peace with myself.

Or like fantasizing about kissing girls and boys, i cant even do this anymore i feel so pressure but i have to imagine bc if i dont then i will be secretly gay, or in the closet

I never fantasized about that before this, and ive always liked to kiss girls, but how to be sure if i never kissed a guy? Wait i actually kissed a guy before lol and i didnt feel nothing so why im still thinking about that? Lol

Or even sex and pornography i feel really bad about it, i cant se a dick anymore i get so nervous and scared, but why do i get so aroused when seeing a penis entering a vagina or a penis giving pleasure to a girl, or a girl giving pleasure to a penis, i must be gay right? Haha lol

And why im not getting aroused with gay stuff, im probably just hiding my erections haha lol, yeah sometimes like 3 times over 10000000 i got some arousal to gay porn(actually it was hentai manga) yeah i must be gay right haha lol, but why i dont get aroused with guys when im normal? I must ne hidding haha lol, or why do i get aroused with a trans woman haha im gay lol

I cant even think anymore i just want to spend sometime seeing the clouds withlut thinking about sex, or girls and guys, or testing myself

I lost the happines about simple things in life i cant be relaxed anymore, i woke up thinking or a dick or sex to test my arousal and i go to bad in the exact same fucking way i hate this so much i just want to be happy.

 

Oof i really did my best now, im fine now

 

Thx noval.

Do you think im in such a bad position?

Like reminding everything that i passed through over the last 2 years, i see how much of a live i lost.

But im still doubting about that

Am i really needing some therapy? What if im just lying to myself about being str8 and just dont want to accept that im gay.

I get it that i dont get neither sexual attraction nor romantic attraction to men, but what if im just lying? I saw chips saying that theres a phase where you just lie to yourself and even get aroused with girls, maybe im in that phase?

Bc honestly i dont want to do therapy, it makes me think that im a crazy guu over something that i should not be worrying about, but why am i so obsessive about this

And im really thankful to you noval, i see youre on the same boas as me and i feel good to have somebody to talk to about it(even thought i didnt want you to pass to same as i am right now)

Thanks for the talk noval, im really gratefull to you

 

Hi again tnx for the reply.

Yeah i know that therapy helps me but, here qhere i live therapy its expensive, and i dont want my parents to spend so much money in somerhing that its not a big deal, theyve always done so much for me and i cant make them pau too much just bc im confused about something.

I should just live my life regardless of the difficulties

I know i get so anxious about it but now i try to control it

So yeah im thinking about it carefully

The way i find to stop my anxiety is checking porn, but i know irs a compulsion, bc now when i see a dick in str8 porn, i feel weird, like so tense, i feel everything rather than arousal, so im stoping watching porn bc doesnt do any good to me.

Now what i do is when i get anxious i start to think about this girl ive always like and everytime i see her i feel something really good but i cant tell if i like her like a lot.

But i imagine her hugging me so tight, and my anxiety goes away and i feel good

But my main problem is still the fucking porn, like i obsessed over dicks bc everytime i see one i get this tension in my groin, its not arousal i know but its something, and i just cant let it go

I cant stop watching porn, should i put like blockers on my devices?

 

Hi everyone i have a question to all you

Am i the only one who cant fantasize about kissing someone?

Like, sometimes i sure can imagine me kissing a girl, but a lot of times i just feel so pressured, and anxious like i cant create her face and it feels weird, but i do get arousal a lot of times its just feel weird

The problem is bc of that i started to think that i dont like to kiss girls

I kissed 3 and i really liked but i saw ppl here saying that they liked to kiss girls to but then kissed a guy and prefered the man.

And this gave me so many doubts about it

I kissed 2 male friends already in my life(in parties and we were just joking around) and i didnt feel anything at all

But how to be sure about that? I try to imagine me kissing a guy but i dont like it, it kinda grosses ne out a little bit, but i try to imagine.

And i dont feel nothing and this is kind of a relieve i can say.

And i know im obsessing about it, and i think too much about it

Like all the times im trying so hard to imagine me kissing girls but i just cant.

And boys i already said it doesnt make me feel nothing just grossed out by the ideia of kissing a man, i feel uncomfortable and i feel a feeling in my penis so bad

Like it shrinks and hurts, but i dont get aroused

I just know that its no good and i dont like to think about it

But my question is, can you imagine yourself kissing the gender you like? And why i cant? Maybe its bc of porn?

Appreciatte you all, tnx

 

Hi mike tnx for the reply

Im doing this at the moment yes man, im getting rid of the porn for good

But i still have some problems

Even if i dont watch porn i have some intrusive images in my head as well as a lot of doubt

I can get rid of porn but i cant get rid of compulsion, and i did one today too

For some reason i started to have images of naked men in my head and i started to have like strong feelings in my dick, it was like it was shrinking, so i went to bathroom to test myself and opened a lot of pucture of naked guys with their asses and dicks out, i disnt found arousing so i started to masturbate to it to see what happens and again for the 37 time i didnt get aroused.

I want to get rid of these thoughts and compulsions

What if its not compulsions like fuck me i hate this

And another problem is, when i was using porn a lot, after i started to doubt my sexuality i tried watching transsexual porn and i get so aroused, and it still does

Does it mean something, why i find girls with dicks arousing

Like i read trans hentai in manga just bc i didnt know what to watch anymore, and i look to her dick and i find arousing, and i still does.

Does this mean something, why do ifind a dick in a girl arousing? Does it mean im gay? Or that i like dicks? Shit this

Even if i dont watch porn what is happening with all these, i want these questions,

Its making me feel so bad ):

Someone know something? Has anyone who went through this too?

I would like help guys

Thx for all the help but can you help me again?

 

Hi tnx to both of you

Yes im currently seeing a paychiatrist every 3 months i think, its not too much tbh but is something

But yeah and im taking meds too

Hi chips, so yeah tbh i kinda knew the porn wasnt my first problem, i can recognize that i started watching too much porn after this doubt came in my head.

Like what was 2 times a day before turned to 6 or even 7 a day, and its making me feel so terrible im actually very embarassed now saying something like this, im not a child anymore im 18 so i dont want this addiction, i feel so lost around my friends bc they dont do this anymore, or do just sometimes but omg i do like 7 times per day lik wtf??????

And yeah im being very clearly to my psychiatrist even with my porn addiction, i tell him everything, i even told him about this feeling that i feel in my penis which is something that i think ill never br able to understand, i just wanted to know why i feel this now, bc i didnt feel that before

Its such a messed up feeling, like i got stuck with a image of a dick in my head and i tried over and over to accept it and i dont know try to enjoy the image

But the feeling is so strong and so bad, i really feel pain in my penis and i dont know the reason, my dick starts to hurt really bad, with that i had the feeling that it was moving too, ive already dealt with this a lot, but omg, it really feel like my dick was going to explode, it was hurting so bad wtf is this weird feeling, and i got such a relief when i could controll my body and stop thinking about it, it was such a relief.

I know this is fucked up but believe me qhen i say, i was literally feeling like my dick was about to explode it hurted so fucking bad, but why? I never felt that before, its really differente from what i feel for girls

And im cool with that, im laughing rn

But why this happens omg i dont think ill ever be able to know this.

But yeah chips as i said i only go to psychiatrist once every 3 months, and he changed the dosage after the last session w him.

Its really sad to be me rn, i dont want to compare problems bc i feel bad i know theres a lot of ppl over the world who are suffering much more than me

But i feel so sad, its like you said, i dont find peace w myself.

But yeah im sticking w the meds and psychiatris, i dont think i can afford a therapist right now so i dont know how i will deal with that.

Its on my mind every second its a part of me now, i just dont want to suffer like this forever tbh

I want to find peace

 

Hi chips.

Unfortunately i dont tink i can contact him now.

I went there last week and he gave me my meds with the new dosage.

And im already taking the pills, so i need to finish the meds, its 80 days.

And hes taking holidays now so he isnt working.

Im by myself until next year

But i would like some advice, do you have some advice that i could use chips?

Bc today in the morning i already tested myself with dicks again, and im feeling bad bc its always the same, some feeling but nothing than i start having sex images with girls and end up masturbating.

Do you have some advice for me? I would appreciate

I also saw something about groinal response, ive already read a lot about it but, does it really exists?

Like this feeling that i feel when im compusively thinking about or get intrusive thoughts, is this groinal? I never had this before tbh, bht i never thought about dicks before too so hahaha

But yeah i would like some advices if you have just to deal this months by myself

Tnx for all the help, and im sorry bothering all of you too much

 

Hi noval.

Yeah what your saying is true, ill stop.

And ill stop entering this forum too for a bit, it could help

But what about the intrusive thoughts? Theres a way to fight it right?

But ill do everything you said, i hope ill be better some time, tnx for the chat everyone ill try my best