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Im super confused

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Sadness, Nov 29, 2020.

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  1. Sadness

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    Yeah its difficult

    But my next appointment is scheduled in march.

    So ill be alone for the next 3 months ):
     
  2. Sadness

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    Bc i only will get appointment next year, i would like to know if you guys could be my "advice" at the moment

    I do have a lot of questions thatvi would like to have answers to

    Like if groinal responses do really exists, and if i can feel any sorta of response regardlees of the porn im watching

    (Btw i dont care about porn anymore, you say that it doesnt match our lives so i dont complain about, maybe ill do the day i get aroused to gay porn lol)

    Or how to stop mental compulsion and physical compulsions such as creating a fantasie in my head about sex with man over amd over again, even if yesterday i didnt feel anything, or checking over and over gay porn gifs or actual porn just to test myself

    And maybe some insight about how denial feels like and if bc you are in denial you can supress your arousal?

    I fear that im in denial not bc i wouldnt like to be gay/bi, but bc i dont want to live a entire life to after realise i was lying to mylsef all the time

    I saw one day chips saying that porn dont say about our orientation but do you think its possible that my obsession is bad bc of my porn use?

    I really just want one day where i could wake witgout thinking about this, or masturbate without the need of pausing the porn to see the dick and try masturbate to it, i do this all the time, now that i started noticing dicks in porn everytime i get aroused by the situation and theres a dick there i feel weird, and i pause the porn go to the dick scene and try to masturbatr maybe 30 times only to the dick to see if arouses me

    It doesnt make sense to me but its a compulsion


    What do i need to do to understand myself?

    Do i need to have sex w men? Or some kind of relationship, but ive already kissed 2 guys and it didnt feel nothing, i fantasized about all the things and never could get a real erection and arousal just the normal feeling everyone who masturbate feels since youre stimulating yourself

    I famtasized so much about every type of sex w men, anal, bj, every position, i fantasized about licking every part of their body and i just cant get off to it, i saw a lot of porns too

    But just bc there were this times where i felt something, like the day my friends were here at my house and i force myself to fantasize about kissing them and ive felt something in my dick but it was not arousal it was kind of this fear you know, i just dont feel nothing but why cant i just relax if i already tried everything?

    Why do i have to wake up thinking about this and sleep thibking about this


    And now im going to the same school as this friend of mine who is the center of my obsession and it feels like everything is falling appart


    Why do i continue w this if i already tested so much

    And why do i keep here posting things knowing that i won get my answers here too


    My life is a completely mess rn, im full of doubts and by myself


    Yeah today is christimas but im not happy at all


    I want to stop testing but i cant, bc this groinal response feeling that i have seeing man, or enything related to men acctualy dont stop so how am i supposed to stop testing

    Im afraid ill wake up gay someday, but it doesnt make any sense, i already saw so many men naked in my life after swimming or soccer competition at the lockers and ive never felt anything, ive only been jealous that some of my friends had a huge junk but i dont but thats the only thing

    Maybe i do got aroused but didnt noticed?

    Fuck all this why is so complicated to just live a normal life
     
  3. Sadness

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    Oh and i didnt mentioned the fact that i see a transwoman erect dick in porn and get aroused too

    Are this signs of being gay, even though i cant fantasize about this, or get aroused looking at naked guys pics, or porn?

    Im really in doubt rn, i put everything in a table and start thinking about it

    And i cant get a conclusion, are this things signs of being gay? Pls tell me what you guys think i promisse ill stop i just want to have some answers rn
     
  4. old tacoma

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    My advice to you is stop watching the porn. All porn - movies, videos, photos, pictures, and yes even animation. Completely. From what you write, none of that is helping you. You say that it’s an addiction. So just stop and do something better with your life. I have a friend who travels to Brasil every year. From what he tells me, there are lots of things you could be doing instead of you watching porn. Do it from now until New Year’s Day - just one full week. You can make a difference in your life, and truly start a happy new year!
     
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  5. Omegduh

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    Hey there,
    Coming from the opposite side of the spectrum as someone who 1. Has been diagnosed with OCD and 2. Is dealing with unwanted thoughts about men, you may be dealing with OCD or anxiety like symptoms. If thoughts, such as being with a man or having sex with a man upset you, they are most likely intrusive thoughts. Glancing over what you have said, you're most likely a straight man dealing with these types of thoughts. I also would suggest to lay off any porn for a while for it can be used as a compulsion and it isn't indicative of your sexuality. I'm most likely either a bisexual woman or a lesbian myself and I don't want those thoughts of men either. I would suggest to use your own imagination to imagine what your sexual fantasies are during masturbation. If being with a woman sounds arousing to you, that means you most likely want to be with a woman. I will say that straight guys don't want to have sex with other men, same goes for straight women with or women.
     
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  6. Sadness

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    Hi tnx for the reply, yeah at the moment im doing this, im quitting porn and trying to masturbate only fantasizing

    In my fantasies most of time i can get really aroused by woman.

    But i can get really aroused with transwoman too


    I think woman is more plesurable but i can get off faster with transwoman, i dont know, for some reason a woman with a penis arouses me, and i saw a lot of ppl saying that its normal among straight guys, but is it true?

    Could this be a fetish? Like a penis fetish, or a transwoman fetish?


    Hi tnx for the reply

    Im really having some bad days w intrusive thoughts but i try my best to manage .

    As i said above im stopping porn and onl fantasizing.

    Yeah men dont arouse me, even their penis

    But a woman do arouse me

    And a woman with a penis arouses me too
     
  7. Sadness

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    So should i say im bi?

    If the fact that a dick in a transwoman make me aroused its bc i like dicks right?
     
  8. Leynz45

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    Help dont ask again the same questions.You have OCD. Search an specialist.NO more Questions!!!!!!!!!!!
     
    #68 Leynz45, Dec 27, 2020
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  9. Mike riely

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    I agree with this. Quitting porn did, eventually, bring more clarity. Beware though, if you have been a heavy user and have compulsion issues you may get something similar to withdrawal, with some side effects like depression/anxiety etc. I was even having dreams about being on porn sites, which was very bizarre. Might not happen to you but don’t worry if it does, your brain will get used to not having porn around and settle down.
     
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  10. out2019

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  11. Sadness

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    Hi mike tnx again.

    I m stopping watching porn but im so afraid that this is not just a porn thing, i kmpw i shouldnt bother myself about what turns me on, but i feel shame for get aroused to transwoman porn, bc its like im seeing them just as an object and i know its not true i feel sad about this, they fought so much to have the life that they want and i feel bad for liking this, bc i dont want to date any transwoman, so i could say is just something that turns me on but i feel bad about, and i feel ashamed of bc ppl judge too much about this, so i keep a secret of everyone that i watch this kindbof porn.

    But im trying to stop really.

    Hi out2019, i see that porn can lead to escalation, but the fact is that before my obsession starts i never watched any other type of porn, only straight and hentai, but after my obsession started i saw myself seeing even pegging and rape, or transwoman now, and i domt understand why it happened after.

    Sorry men, im really sorry for doing this, i dont want to do it either but i feel so pressured as i cant seek help at the moment, so the only place i can talk about this is here, i dont talk about it with my family nor my friends ):
     
  12. old tacoma

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    @Helpp432
    I just did an online search for phone numbers that you might call for some help before your next meeting with your doctor. I couldn’t find much in Brasil. Is there a LGBTI group near you, in your city or region? If you know of a group, you can call them and they can chat with you. They probably know of others who you can talk with. Just my suggestion.
     
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  13. Sadness

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    I dont think i have something like this here, why would you suggest that?
     
  14. quebec

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    @Helpp432..... I just did a quick search for LGBTQ Groups in Brazil and found several. Of course, they may not be anywhere near you. You can do that same search and see if there are any groups that you are close to. It could be a big help for you to have others to share and talk with face-to-face. Think about it!
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
  15. Sadness

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    Hi, yeah i searched about it too. Unfortunately there isnt any near me.

    But how this groups would help me deal with my anxiety?

    I really think thats the real issue here, or not lol

    But yeah it could help too, but there isnt near me
     
  16. old tacoma

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    Even if you can only connect with LGBTQ groups by phone, that could be a help. It would allow you to talk about your anxiety with someone in a real-time one-to-one conversation.
     
  17. 10 5 gang

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    Do you want to be told you're not gay or do you want to comfortable with yourself regardless of your sexually?
     
  18. Sadness

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    I want to be comfortable with myself.

    If i could stop obsessing about this everyday i would be really happy :slight_smile:
     
  19. 10 5 gang

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    So then to a lgbtq meeting
     
  20. RD Spencer

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    It sounds like to me that there needs to be some serious clarification between no sexual attraction/desires and denial.

    If you have no same sex attractions and desires how can you be in denial?

    Also, being unaware of something is not the same thing as denial.

    Opposite sex attractions and desires need to be considered as well.

    There must be a difference between wanting to and actually having genuine attractive/desires of a specific gender.

    If you have to force yourself to find the same sex attractive and also force yourself to not be attracted to the opposite sex it is time to ask yourself if there is a completely different issue going on here.

    If I did not have any same sex desires or attractions, I would have considered myself straight and moved on to other pressing issues in my life.

    The only reason I question my sexuality is because I was and still do actually have real same sex desires. I did not have to test so see if gay sex fantasies were arousing because I knew right away that they were. No testing needed. If I had tried 10 times and did not like it, I would have given up decided that I am straight. In my early teens I thought I was gay and after a couple years I changed my mind and got away from labels. The reason way is because I was also having opposite sex attractions and desires. I was crushing on the girls all the time because I actually really liked them and still do. This is not about denial; it is about being honest with myself about what and who I am really into. Here on EC is the only time I have use a label since my mid-teens. I use the label bisexual because it makes the most logical since when I look back at my sexual desires and attractions through out my life. I do not base it on one thing that happed one time.


    As for as I see it denial is like forcing yourself through the misery of listening to a crappy song because all of your friends and radio DJ say it the best.

    Being honest with yourself is admitting to yourself that you like to listing to that cheesy song over and over when you are alone even though everyone else thinks it sucks.


    It makes sense when a guy says he was in denial and forced himself to like women but deep down knew he did not.


    What I don’t get is when some says denial caused them to be able to have real attraction or desire. Nothing personal to anyone about this but it is a complete mystery to me how that can happen. I could use some explaining on this at a much deeper level.


    It is difficult to truly see what is going on in another person head and this seems to play a big roll in the confusion between denial, gay vs bi vs straight.


    You shouldn’t have to force yourself to like the same sex if you are gay and if you have to force yourself to not like women then maybe you are just not gay. You will probably be a lot happier going with the flow of your feeling not against the flow of your feelings.
     
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