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If you're single, why do you think so?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by lovetoomuch, Dec 9, 2018.

  1. lovetoomuch

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    A weird question, I know. But I am always intrigued to hear people's reasons for why they believe they are single.

    Personally, I think there are a few reasons why I'm single.

    - I'm quite picky (and don't have a right to be).
    - I still struggle with some confidence issues (and we know people don't find that cute).
    - I may have commitment issues. I have never been in a relationship. I don't think I have commitment issues (I like to think I haven't found the right person yet, but the truth is I may?)
    - Along with the commitment issues, I overthink a lot and it tends to be a lot for a guy, plus I talk myself out of situations sometimes.
    - I may have unrealistic expectations of what love would feel like.

    How about you?
     
  2. UMedusa

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    Good question, wow. I think I know but, putting it into words is... digging deeper than I thought.

    -I don't want another person to define who I am or what I want to be.
    -I have no desire to give much energy to relationship complications right now.
    -I moved recently and didn't want to deal with goodbyes.
    -Being single is something I enjoy, it's much less complicated in many ways.
    -I don't have enough of the good attributes I value yet for myself. I hope to someday share a solid version of myself with someone, because I know there are plenty of faults to go with it. I don't want to settle for someone and I don't want them to settle for me. When you don't value yourself enough, you may question why someone is with you, and it can make you kind of crazy. Or, conversely, you look at them and think, I am stuck. This person loves me, but I can't stand so much about myself. How can I ever change?

    Thanks for that! I should ask myself this question a couple times a year.
     
  3. OfLight

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    I think mine could be a bit of fear of commitment. And I think someone who would want to be with me forever is probably crazy. I'm scared to let people in and be vulnerable with them. Also I'm just plain scared to ask a girl out, and the area I live isn't too open about the idea of women marrying women. I like the idea of being with someone but the reality just doesn't really seem possible. Good question! I'm going to have to think about this more.
     
  4. weary

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    I like @UMedusa response. I'm just recently out of a long-term marriage. So I'm spending time getting to know me. I am a monogamous, commitment type person and pretty self-aware. So relationships for me are built on friendship that progress. No current lesbian friends so it may be awhile.
     
  5. Devil Dave

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    I struggled a lot with confidence throughout my twenties, so I never had any relationships, and I can count with the fingers on one hand the number of times I had sex before I turned 30.

    So now that I'm in my thirties and I am much more confident, I tend to have casual hookups quite a lot, and its making up for the lack of action I got when I was younger. I'm still enjoying the NSA aspect of hooking up.

    I don't do anal, and that tends to be a big turn off for gay men who are looking for a partner.

    Also, I have pretty obscure tastes. I find it difficult to connect with a guy I'm on a date with when he's never heard of any of the movies or TV shows I follow or books I've read or video games I'm into. And I'm not into any of the typical stuff that a lot of gay men are into.

    I haven't traveled much at all, and a lot of gay men seem to be heavily into traveling. I've never learned how to drive so I can't chat about a lot of basic things with another gay man. They're probably turned off by the thought of having to give me a lift everywhere. A lot of my potential romances flicker out fast because I just don't have enough common ground with the men I meet.
     
  6. Ruby Dragon

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    I think my number one obstacle is my weight. I'm a 300lb, 5'10 woman, and my weight together with my height intimidate people, especially men (I'm bisexual, but prefer men).

    Then there's the other issue. I'm quiet, introverted and not exactly Miss Confidence...

    I'm also over-eager to just have someone pay attention to me. Someone (a man) reaches out to me, and I run with it. Like, really run with it. I'm a texter rather than someone who likes talking on the phone. I know texting is not for everyone, but that's my main form of communication if not in person. I'm a "serial texter" in the sense that I will send 6 consecutive texts without waiting for a reply. I'm very "talkative" online (or through texts) but in person...not so much. I think I overwhelm people sometimes, which makes me feel bad about myself and I crawl deeper into my shell, and build the walls higher.

    I also have trust issues and I'm an over-thinker.

    Those are just some of the things I think that has kept me in the friend zone with most people. But I think the one thing I can change (my weight) needs to be changed first, then all the other things will fall into place. Can't change my height, but I think my weight causes me to keep to myself mostly.
     
  7. Mihael

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    I don't have the time and nerve for it right now. University is too hard.
     
  8. Nickos

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    My past relationships fucked me up deeply so I can't seem to trust someone, plus I'm very confused atm.
    Also I find most people very readable so I tend to either get bored or I realize that I will get hurt so I back off most of the time.

    Also my interests are around video games, movies, cars, humans and philosophy and it looks like most people aren't interested in them or they are afraid to look inside of them for some answers.

    Gotta find these cats to keep me company when I get old you know? :smile:
     
  9. Lari

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    Broke up with my girlfriend back in september (close to our 1 year anniversary).
    I'm single right now because I need space to sort out some personal issues.
    Need to figure out what it is that leads every relationship i'm in to imploding before destroying yet another one.
     
  10. RainbowGreen

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    Well, I could probably pull up a good list:

    -I don't go out enough. I'll never meet anyone just hanging around my appartment, but I also hate the city I'm in, so there's just nowhere to go to, sadly.
    -I have trouble lowering my barriers. Like, it's pretty hard to let others know you're interested and I fear I'll get hurt or even get blackmailed (that actually happened once)
    -I'm not open about my sexuality or the fact that I'm trans, so a lot of people might not know I'm available like that.
    -I hate online dating and I want to find someone in person.
    -I don't like big events like Pride, going to the club and all that jazz, so that leaves out a lot of people.
    -I tend to like masculine men, and most of the time they are straight. I also rarely get attracted to people, so the chance that they are attracted to men, and okay with being trans, and don't break any of my immediate dealbreakers (I don't have that many, but they're non-negociable).

    That's what I can think of at the moment. Hopefully once I move, I'll have a better chance.
     
  11. Silveroot

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    Thank you for giving me the chance to think about this for a bit. I don't think it's too complicated for me to explain why I'm single.

    -First of all I'm 25 and I came out to myself as lesbian fairly recently. This fact alone has been life-changing and it takes a lot of energy to rethink my whole life past and present through these new filters. I never expected that I was a lesbian or to be more precise, I was too deep in denial to even consider it as an option.
    -I'm not out and proud -yet. Being in the closet, coupled with a fear of being outed to the wrong people, makes dating women a lot more challenging if not impossible.
    -I live among conservative people, in a homophobic, sexist country. I will need some support before I start my life as a lesbian woman.
    -I've been an outcast before in school and lived my childhood in a deeply dysfunctional family. The abuse was physical and emotional, not sexual, yet I can't say I am exactly eager to test how well these scars might hold to new blows. There will be backlash, I have no delusions.
    -I'm currently trying to become economically independent, this means I'm looking for a job. I don't think coming out would help me with any with this, if anything it would probably make the already difficult search for a job even more difficult. Unemployment is quite high among young adults, there's competition.
    -Given how I'm in the closet, in that kind of environment, I have no lesbian friends offline, it makes sense that I don't have a relationship yet.
     
  12. mychemromance99

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    I am single because,
    I am unreasonably picky.
    I'm not very fond of socializing.
    I'm a hopeless romantic.
     
  13. LittleLamb

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    - I'm still closeted, someone told me once women don't date other women who are 30-something and still closeted. It stings even if it isn't true.
    - I have mental health issues, yes, women can be jerks about this just like men can.
    - I'm unemployed, granted I'm a full-time caregiver but currently I have no source of income.
    - This one is stupid but I don't feel like I have any interests or lifestyle choices with other women, so I feel like I don't belong anywhere.
    - Lastly, they say you have to love yourself before anyone else can love you and I don't love myself and it's been an incredibly hard journey for me.
     
  14. BlueMonday

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  15. Tightrope

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    A lot of these are good answers. Some people also don't want to bring another person on their journey toward better mental health. Some people wouldn't want to go on that journey to begin with.
     
  16. Andrew99

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    I think it’s 80% me 20% society. Sometime I think I don’t want to let anyone get close to me. Like I’m scared of having a relationship. Maybe I’m worried about being betrayed? The other thing is I’ve gone on dating sites and to meet up places and there hasn’t really been anyone I liked there.
     
  17. Hawk

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    As much as I'd like to be dating right now, I just don't think I'm in a position to be dating at the moment. I'm still living in the small town I've been in my entire life, where most people are pretty conservative (though we did just elect an NDP representative, yay!) and there's no single gay people around here. I've been looking online, but again, being in a small town a couple hours away from the nearest city, it's just not entirely practical at the moment, I also don't like the idea of being in a long distance relationship.
     
  18. whistle1

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    I'm sure a psychiatrist could tell me, but I think I am simply horrible at social interaction. Some of it is likely the result of extreme introversion. Add on the fact that I am not the most attractive person in the world.

    Even when I somehow managed to get a girlfriend, I would apparently never act the way a boyfriend was "supposed to act".

    That often lead to a lot of resentment - and an eventual split.

    So, I am here WAY past my prime all alone. Of course, I guess that is just the lot in life for some.
     
  19. KainReche

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    Heh... I'm not that good looking, that's probably why.
     
  20. HunnyBunny

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    ahh,,hello? Im new to this thing scree-