Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by lovetoomuch, Dec 9, 2018.
I always have crushes on straight guys lol
1.- Some confidence/self-esteem issues.
2.- I have to love myself before anyone else can love me and I feel I don't love myself enough.
3.- There are some issues I need to sort out such as hypochondria, OCD and anger issues as a result of growing up in a dysfunctional family and being bullied from elementary school to high school and even in my last couple of semesters in university, too. So I don't plan on having a relationship until I'm mentally healthy or at least better.
4.- I don't put myself out there too much.
5.- I'm very picky when it comes to dating.
6.- Because the people in the city where I live is somewhat conservative, there are no gay bars, LGBT organizations/clubs or groups and I'm even very reluctant to go on dating sites.
7.- I'm a pretty complicated person with a fairly strong personality due to the abuse I suffered I suppose, which seems to be a turn off for many people.
8.- Lastly one of my top priorities right now is find a decent job in order to become independent and have my own source of income.
- I'm stuck on this guy who can't like me back. Gotta love falling for the straight guys.
- I have issues with depression and anxiety (moreso the depression) and have a rather hard time getting out and making friends and meeting people.
- Most people mistake me as straight, so any gay dudes that might be interested have likely looked the other way.
- As much as I want a relationship, I fear one. I have gotten to this point where I'm afraid to lean on someone as much as a relationship would require of me.
- I am from a smaller town so the gay population is rather small, and with that, most men who are openly looking for anything are much older. I do, however go to college, so I'm usually exposed to a larger population.
I suppose that's mostly it. I want a relationship, but I have some stuff I need to work out first :/
I am still not ready to fully come out and I think it is not fair to a partner when you are not completely out, so I have stayed away from any commitments. I am also working through my own issues, which I need to resolve first. I was seeing someone a couple years ago, it is a long story, but I got pretty hurt by it in the end. Only really starting to face these issues now. I often use work or exercise as a way to distract from reflecting and healing.
~ trust issues (just realized this one honestly and a little shaken by it)
~ want a chance to be me happily before I have a label or responsibility to be something for someone else
~ very self conscious about how I look (feel like I need to be able to look in the mirror and say, “I’d do me” before I even try and put myself out there)
~ not many options here in Podunk USA