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If you don't already have kids, do you want them?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by LaurenSkye, Jun 29, 2020.

?

Do you want kids?

  1. Yes

    17 vote(s)
    30.4%
  2. No

    26 vote(s)
    46.4%
  3. Not sure

    13 vote(s)
    23.2%
  1. LostInDaydreams

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    Do you mean that you’re talking in the context of a straight relationship? Parenting is probably the same regardless of who the parents are.

    Depends on your perspective, I suppose. I agree that the dangers that children are exposed have changed, but that doesn’t mean there were no dangers in the past or that life was necessarily simpler, e.g. children in factory work, abduction without modern technology and communication to help, less understandIng of mental health, sexual abuse, etc., sickness without modern medicine, limited access to healthcare, less access to education, etc.

    Whilst a lot more people do work outside of the home (until a few months ago), I would say that we probably have more free time to spend with our children. Leisure time, holidays and annual leave are all relatively modern concepts, as are restrictions on working hours. Household tasks are less labour intensive due to modern technology, which frees up a lot of time, and we also have electric lighting, reliable street lights, etc. which means we can easily do things before sunrise and after sunset.

    I would say that parenting isn’t necessarily harder or easier, it’s just different and has presented different challenges at different time. There would have been, and still is, a lot of variation between families, different socio-economic groups, and different countries and cultures, which makes it hard to make too many generalisations.
     
  2. Vega222

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    No, I didn't mean it doesn't apply to gay parents. I just wasn't sure what you were asking. It was for clarification.

    I'd say you're right. I mistakenly generalised it. And good points. Yeah if you have a well financial condition, Then it could be different.

    I know there were dangers in the past. But parents didn't used to take care of their children like us in 21st century. Like, Nobody would care about mental health of their children, working in farm, etc. That was my point.
    Also someone that lacks money and a good job, Have to work all the day and still live in poverty.
    Here, Older generations have several children, Many of them have more than 5. And my generation? Many of them can't even marry, Let alone having children. That must mean something. They can't afford it.

    But I really hope you're right and it's not that difficult.
     
  3. RawringSnake

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    Absolutely yes.

    I still don't understand why, but I've come to accept I have pretty strong paternal instincts. Honestly I want kids more than I want a partner (I'm weird, I know). I'm in no rush though, I'm perfectly fine waiting years for the right circumstances to have them. Would like at least 3.
     
  4. Xenio

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    I want to have kids but I'm genuinely concerned about whether I could be a qualified parent and give my children proper care. It seems to me that there are many extra things gay parents have to deal with. And news about gay parents' children being discriminated against really worries me. I am not sure whether I could really protect my child from those negative things they would not have to encounter if they had straight parents.
     
  5. Hawk

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    I'm not the biggest fan of kids, but I think I would like to be a dad. I wouldn't be opposed if someone already has kids from a previous relationship, either. I don't care if they're biologically mine.
     
  6. rktonks

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    I really do not want to ‘have’ kids, and it is also a possibility I will marry a lady. I really want to adopt one or two kids. Because I bad for kids out there with no homes, mainly because I barely have one, so yes, I guess that mean I want kids❤️
     
  7. Pole star

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    I agree. There are times when I feel I would like to be a dad. I feel I would make a good dad.
    I am in my 40s now so maybe have missed the bus. Feel sad when I think that. Incidentally I know a closeted guy who is soon to become a dad and feels having a baby will keep his gay desires in check!
     
  8. LostInDaydreams

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    There’s a fair bit of evidence against that thinking in the Later in Life section.

    Though, now would be a bad time for him to leave his relationship (assuming that he is in one).
     
  9. ChescaC

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    It’s complicated.
    I would want kids if I could
    My older sister really doesn’t.
    She’s already told me she’d give me her uterus once I’ve have bottom surgery(even having said transplant done at the same time).(we’re genetic and blood matches)
    But there’s a problem she’s got severe
    PCOS, and knows I’d not want the side effects of that.

    So I would want to have children, but can’t.
     
  10. Mihael

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    Yes the LGBT community does seem hostile to the idea of having children. I find it uncomfortable, because I would want to have a large family. It’s normal human need to have a family, folks! You don’t need good sex to live either, apparently. But a lot of you seem to pursue it. Actually, I prefer having a family over having good sex, so I’m going to marry a man that doesn’t turn me on very much but who is going to father my children.

    As for the number, I would love to have as many children as I manage to, in terms of giving them proper care. It may stop on one, it might be even five, who knows.
     
    #30 Mihael, Jul 2, 2020
    Last edited: Jul 2, 2020
  11. Vega222

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    Noone among my friends (all straight) like to have children either. So, It wasn't surprising for me to see these opinions here. I can see it everywhere.
    Perhaps the fact that I can't have children as easy as my friends makes me love to have children? Or at least it boosts this strong "philoprogenitiveness (love of children)" in me?

    I wanted to say, You're not alone. :slight_smile:) I love to have many children too.
     
    #31 Vega222, Jul 2, 2020
    Last edited: Jul 2, 2020
  12. mellissa

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    I think we are hostile to that because it is an opportunity that has been denied to us for so long and used against us for so long. People often said that the main problem with our relationships are that they can't produce children. Then when adoption became an option, so many have and are still trying to prevent us from having it. Instead of being denied parenthood, we reject it.

    When I was a little girl I never wanted to have kids. Then as I grew older,realized I was a lesbian , and that same-sex couples can adopt, I sometimes wish for that. If I'm alone I won't have any. If I marry a woman who wants a kid we can have ONE.
     
  13. alwaysforever

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    I agree with melissa on this. There is a lot of discrimination based on the ability to have children. Either because a person can or because a person can't. Either way, it gets weaponized against them. Not to mention that in some places in the U.S., transgender individuals are not allowed to change their gender marker unless they can prove that they are unable to have children. Even with proof, the court will still sometimes refuse. People are denied adoptions, and are shunned by the community because they don't want to be in a straight relationship, with the expectations that children bring. That sort of treatment plants seeds of bitterness about the subject of children. Also, many LGBT individuals had horrific childhoods because of a part of themselves outside of their control. The thought of bringing a child into the world to experience the same sort of treatment isn't a pleasant thought.
     
    #33 alwaysforever, Jul 2, 2020
    Last edited: Jul 2, 2020
  14. mellissa

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    Absolutely. I think for years now those seeds of bitterness have been planted. Whenever people wanted to revoke the rights of LGBT people they showed us images of hetero families with children. They talked about how gays/lesbians/trans people will never have this and therefore are not worthy to have the same rights as the traditional nuclear family. Of course LGBT people get tired of kids.

    Another reason I think gay/lesbian people don't want kids is because we can take the time to step back and see that our world is over-populated and make the conclusion that we shouldn't be making so many humans. Although I might be wrong, I think that we work in countering over-population.
     
  15. LostInDaydreams

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    To be fair, I have seen straight people express this view. Not all of them have or want children.
     
  16. mellissa

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    So true. Many straight friends of mine don't want kids. Especially given the denigration of our planet. However, I think LGBT people want kids even less. I don't know.
     
  17. Mihael

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    Same here. I’m not neccesarily a fan of babies, so especually when I was younger, I hated the idea of having children, I was as unmotherly as it gets, never played with dolls or house. Only in adulthood, I found the idea of setting up a family appealing, because I need other humans to be happy. Also, paradoxically, my fertility is great, which is a real gift when I look at other people around me. So many people are infertile nowadays due to unhealthy lifestyle and pollution. It’s horrifying. A lot of people also have health problems not worth passing on, which I also don’t have. But coming back to needing other people, I think that if I couldn’t have children of my own, I would want to be a social worker or a teacher.

    I don’t personally like adpotion for several reasons, but it seems like a good option too. It sucks a lot that people are so bigoted that they will deny gay couples the right to adopt, it’s awfully unfair.

    Yeah, I see this point. I have heard so many stories about members of our community being mistreated in childhood. The worst thing is that not much can be done about it, because children are little monsters. They’re so cruel, not only about gay and gender non-conforming kids, but about anything that makes someone stand out. For us it’s a real problem, because it’s not just a clothing item or a favourite game that we can change.
     
  18. BothWaysSecret

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    I had no idea uterus transplants were possible
     
  19. Pole star

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    He said his family want him to settle down. Maybe they were concerned he wasn't in a stable relationship despite being in his mid thirties. He was seeing this girl for some months and then decided to have a kid - thought it was a bit sudden. He is also looking for a stable job now. Maybe the baby will bring him the stability his family wants.
     
  20. Joe2001

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    I occasionally think about being a parent one day, but in all honesty, I don't think I'm cut out for it. The world has enough people as it is and I'm sure many others will have kids to create future generations. Financially, I want to live a comfortable life (I won't be super rich) and kids are just so expensive. I also don't think that I have the patience for it. You only get one shot at life, why spend 18 years (or even more) of it centred around a child?

    I've also never been a kid person, I didn't like them when I was one and don't like them now. I've always preferred being around people older than me and tend to dislike those who are younger. That's became particularly evident in family gatherings, I'm not close with any of my cousins, all of whom are younger, just can't relate to them and find them a bit annoying. If I feel disinterested and a bit annoyed around younger cousins who I see a few times a year at family gatherings, how on earth would I manage raising a child myself?

    All that said, I am only 18 so certainly not old or mature enough at the moment. I want to enjoy my 20's fully but once I reach my 30's, maybe I'll feel different and consider adopting. Never say never.

    I do selfishly hope that my sister has kids though, I'd love to be the fun and crazy gay uncle.
     
    #40 Joe2001, Jul 3, 2020
    Last edited: Jul 3, 2020