If sexual orientation were a choice, what would you choose?

Asexual. It would just be easier to not have any sexual desire at all. It only gets in the way of getting on with the day and other things I could be doing. And I have no desire for a relationship so being asexual would be no issue.

Being gay (as I am) and being straight just leads to problems because people are untrustworthy and problematic.

 

Bisexual

 

I wish society was different and I rather choose the world working differently than me having to change completely.

I wish there were more lesbian and bisexual women in the world. Instead of only 1-2% of women being sapphic, it would be nice that about 50% of them were sapphic. Then it would be easier to find a date. I also wished that the world wasn't homophobic or anti-LGBT+.

I don't want to change my sapphic side of me. I think it's convenient to like women for several reasons:

• Less pressure about traditional gender roles. You can do what you likes and are good in the relationship. There is less pressure about you having to do X and Y task in house chore or one person paying more than the other because of gender. You can adapt based on the personality and the economical situation making it more fair.
  
• When it's the same gender it's easier to understand certain things. E.g. the monthly cycle for women.
  
• There will be no accidental pregnancies or worries about birth controls when it's the same gender.
  
• My sexuality is more "straight forward" when it's not straight. It makes more sense to me to be attracted to someone I finds beautiful than someone I don't find beautiful. It spared me from the extra confusion. Some of my straight friends finds many women beautiful and doesn't like the male aesthetic as much, yet they aren't attracted to women and it has caused lots of confusion for them. It make them end up with someone they doesn't find aesthetically attractive, but is still attracted to. They wished it was simpler. It's their words, not mine. I don't know what it's like being straight.
  
• Women are on average more beautiful than men combined of nature and that they takes better care of themselves because of society. I see way more women put some effort into their outfits than men. I think it's nice when someone puts some effort into it. I don't mean everyone needs to look Hollywood all the time. I just mean clothing that fits, is clean and not stained or worn out.

I'm a biromantic homosexual. I'm romantically attracted to both genders because of personalities, but only physically attracted to women. It's fine the way it's. I would be fine with being a lesbian too, and I wouldn't mind turning into one if I could change.

 

That's a hard question for me because I don't like my life being harder because of being gay but I also don't really see the appeal of dating men besides having biological kids

 

I would choose straight in a heart beat.

Gay dating is the worst and gay guys are picky and they all want to hook up and nothing more. It would be nice to settle down and get in a relationship and it gets depressing watching all my straight friends get in relationships and settle down and i been single the longest.

 

As a bisexual in a straight relationship, it feels like I have chosen to play life on 'easy mode'.

I don't know much about gay male dating but a few women I am friends with who are either bi or lesbian always have a good whinge about dating/relationships with other women. I don't know if its harder because of something inherent about a relationship between two women, or just because society is built around straight partnerships and so there is more external pressure?

 

I can relate to Jahiem's problems. It seems very hard to start a relationship with a woman. Most women who are bi or lesbian act as if they are straight, hiding from other women. You can be friends with them, work with them, even live with them, and not know they are gay! They only come out to you if they find you interesting, and that only seems to be one in a hundred. I feel like I have a lot to offer but I have become completely disillusioned with women. I am living with a man to ease my loneliness, but I know I should really be with a woman.

 

Maybe its a generational thing but a lot of the women I've been with have been quite sexual people, just little experience with other women. I think its difficult to know where to start if you are strictly only into women and the ones without experience will always be hesitant. Straight women have little difficulty getting dates because men will make the first move in most cases. If men weren't as proactive, I'm sure straight women would also have a lot of trouble getting dates.

 

I think that last part is very true - women are used to men being proactive, and with women of course, both have to share the responsibility to be proactive. I have a bit of trouble doing that because I am always afraid of being rejected. I don't think it's a generational problem because a lot of women online are saying they have the same problem - including young ones. I know a woman who is 30 and very attractive. She was LIVING with another woman, same age, who turned out to be a lesbian. The first woman was completely straight, they were only room mates. They lived together for several months and she did not know the other was gay until the other woman moved another girl into their apartment!!! What if the first woman was gay? They would have lived together and never hooked up. So I don't think the problem is as rare as you think it is. I have found women to be hesitant even when they have a lot of experience. It doesn't seem to make a difference. They are always reluctant to start any kind of relationship. And the opposite is true - some women with no experience are ready to take the plunge, as long as they are out of the closet. Of course there is such a thing as first time nerves but that is not the same as hesitancy. Is it easier for a bisexual woman to find women? The impression I get is that most women are sexual but don't show it until they are actually in some kind of relationship. The exception is the ones that come out to others but that is not common.

 

Dealing with rejection seems to be a very personal thing. I think for some people, every rejection seems to cause cumulative damage. For others, its like water off a duck's back. I have been rejected plenty of times, but it was always at the early stages when I wasn't all that emotionally invested. I've never been rejected someone I've been in love with, I think that must be hard. I've overstepped the line with friends, but I'm a bit of a flirt by nature and have mostly been able to laugh it off with no lasting damage. Even when the rejection has come after going quite far over that line.

I think its easier for bisexual women in certain situations, I think we are maybe less scary to the straight-but-curious types. That's good for hookups but a lot of lesbians would rule out bisexual women for a relationship, same as many straight women would with bisexual men. That's probably a pretty limiting defense-mechanism, because I get the feeling there are far more bisexual women than lesbians.

 

Acknowledging that it is not a choice...

To answer the question, Bisexual.

That is who I am and I am so glad and proud of it, despite the challenges it sometimes presents to me and others. I wouldn't have it any other way!

 

You've made some very good points - as you usually do! You are so open about your experiences and feelings that you are really helpful to the rest of us. I don't know why I have such a problem with rejection but I do. Oddly my feelings towards men are much more positive, less fear of rejection. I am also too shy to come onto another woman. But a lot of people have problem with rejection. I know a guy who was told by a woman that his penis was too small. (it wasn't, it was actually average) but that guy was more sensitive than me. He is a close buddy of my husband and he told him that he did not have sex with any woman after that for years! He was a shy guy, that didn't help.
Since I am attracted to men, I started off with the bisexual label which I think is more easily accepted by others, but for the sake of honesty I now call myself a lesbian because I have realized that I will never enjoy sex with men - after trying it for all these years. I know lots of women rule out bisexuals, you are right about that. Even I feel the same way, probably because I am so insecure.

 

I'm happy being gay, I think that there is a better connection and intimacy between two people of the same sex.

 

If I was asked this 10 years ago I would have said straight. But I would never change that now because I don't WANT to. It is hard to meet people, harder than most think I do understand.

 

When I realized I was lesbian I was 16. I was OK with it, as a matter of fact I thought it was great to be gay. But now as an adult, I still think it is special and good, but I am discouraged with how hard it is to find a partner, and how hesitant people are to date even when they say they are looking for a partner. Women are much more subtle than men and you can hardly tell they are coming on to you. It makes it very hard to connect. It is so hard, as a matter of fact, that I have contacted a LGBT therapist and I am actually looking forward to meeting with her. I have finally realized I need help that I am not getting and I can't get. I have put off doing this for years! Wish me luck.

 

That is very true. You seem to be very knowledgable in all aspects JT. I once got a bit humiliated because I admitted to a woman I liked that I have slept with men in the past. Her friends in the group tried to embarass me a bit and she didn't speak up. It hurt me although I wasn't too invested at that point but this is the reason I don't feel the need or want to 'identify' myself to every person I meet.

 

I know what you mean. Some folks just can't seem to control themselves when it comes to dishing out shame and division. Many folks in the community have suffered a wealth of shame. I cannot understand why they would want to pass it on.

 

Well that's nothing really to be embarrassed about, probably most women who are into women will have been with men in the past. Were the other friends 'gold star lesbians' by any chance? I know they like to make a thing about never being with a man before, but its not a badge of honour. Not in my eyes anyway.

 

They were mostly, a small group that always gave the impression to be inclusive but I felt they were exclusive. I wouldn't spend time with people like that anymore though, I was young. It was one of my first time being brave and backing away from family who had complete opposite views though so that is probably why I remember it so well! It's why I try my best not to judge anyone on what how they live their lives or what they are into.

 

I was a lot younger than you when I realised I liked women. I remember trying to hide that I was falling for a close friend. You are right, women are more subtle. If it helps I often wish women would approach me more. Men do but women don’t and I suppose because I am not the sterotype/not obvious (which I understand). I wish I was the type of person that just goes for what they want and moves on if they don’t have any luck. I admire you for contacting a therapist. You sound like a shy one like me