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I really messed up this weekend

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Soundofmusic, Sep 11, 2017.

  1. Soundofmusic

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    True! And right now, it's not like I have to make that choice anyways haha.
     
  2. silverhalo

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    I don't think you should give up hope. Give them time, it's of course not something that is going to happen overnight. It is something which doesn't come naturally to their culture but if they see you so happy with someone's I think it can make a really big difference :slight_smile:
     
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  3. NeonSocks

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    I go back and forth on this. There is always the little girl in me that has dreamed of my dad walking me down the aisle and the romance of a first dance. But then, I realize that those are just moments that society has taught me are important and have nothing to do with the importance of the relationship itself.

    I can show my love and commitment in ways that don't need to be justified by a ceremony and a piece of paper that make it legally binding. That being said, if it felt right and true I could certainly be convinced that a ceremony to celebrate that love is what I desire.

    I guess to answer your question @silverhalo- 5 year old me dreamed of a wedding, 31 year old me does not, future me is still undecided.
     
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  4. Soundofmusic

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    yeah I guess I kind of feel this same way too! I cant figure out if I actually want to get married or if its just what Ive been taught is valuable.
     
    #44 Soundofmusic, Sep 13, 2017
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  5. Soundofmusic

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    Yes, that's true. I'm sure if I'm in a relationship long enough for them to care for that person, then they'd be fine with a wedding.

    Weddings here are a huge ordeal though. Id definitely do something small. All my friends' weddings have been at huge hotel ballrooms, worth hundreds of thousands of dollars and inviting like 500 people. absurd in my opinion. I would only invite a few people and do it in like, my parents yard lol.
     
  6. driedroses

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    The first time I was engaged, this is what I wanted. The whole fairy tale. When I actually got married, all that mattered was us. We were married by a beautiful fountain in a park by a justice of the peace, with two witnesses. The only thing I would change is that I would have had someone take pictures. I didn't even decide that until after we had separated - crazy, I know.

    The wedding is not the marriage, and the marriage doesn't have to be the commitment. I probably wouldn't have gotten married if I felt there was an option; i.e., living together, etc. That would have been unheard of, though, for my family. Heck, it was anathema that I chose to keep my last name!
     
    #46 driedroses, Sep 13, 2017
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  7. silverhalo

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    Yeah I get that it definitely shouldn't just be because it's what society expects.
     
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  8. silverhalo

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    I definitely think it shouldn't be about the commercial aspect of how much everything costs. I can understand if it is a cultural thing but I guess that's why it makes it important to make it your own and how you want it.
     
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  9. beenthrdonetht

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    Remember the $350,000 inheritance tax penalty that Edie Windsor (R.I.P.) would have paid if the U.S. hadn't conceded that she really was married.

    Oh and right, back to the original question: no you did right. Yeah, RJay already called me out as a hopeless romantic. (Yikes, I almost said she "pegged me as ..." Sheesh, you have to watch everything you say!)
     
    #49 beenthrdonetht, Sep 14, 2017
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  10. Soundofmusic

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    UPDATE:
    After I blasted to everyone that I was bi on saturday, my neighbors have been trying to push my neighbor/ex-fling on me all week. And ive actually been thinking about it. But I always write when Im confused (albeit, terribly), and I just wrote this:

    -I miss human touch. But more than the reality of it, I miss the idea of it. I have never enjoyed intimacy with men. And yet because men are more easily accessible to me than women, I find myself wanting to be touched by them. But for what? I know I wont enjoy it.

    I feel like Im sending the universe mixed signals:
    “Dear Universe,
    Please send me a kind, loving, smart woman. Someone who will love me back.”

    But on nights like this one, when Im so alone, I find myself surrendering to the idea that if I ever want to be touched again, it will have to be by a man. And so I ask the universe for a good man. But thats not what I want.

    Sorry for the mixed signals, buddy -
     
  11. RJay

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    Wow. That's really raw, and really real. And I think we can all relate to wanting and needing to be touched. I never thought I needed that from anyone before, and now I feel like I need it sooooo much. And, like, yesterday if possible, please.

    It's incredibly vulnerable and honest for you to admit that maybe you'd rather get it from a man than not at all. It's only natural, especially if you find yourself in a place where you really don't think there are women available to you. A bit different from me since I'm in New York City and know that there is a pool of women who might be into me. (Though, don't get me wrong... I'm not rushing to get with just anybody. I'd rather be with someone who gets me, and who knows something of my particular struggle.) I hope for you that you miraculously meet a great woman, and very soon.
     
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  12. Soundofmusic

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    Thats the thing. I never craved being touched either. And now I feel like a waste of a body. Like I have so much love to give and Im just idly sitting here alone, untouched.
    I also hope that by some miracle I meet a woman where I live. Or that I finally find a job in a big city in the US so I can get out of this conservative, small island. Thanks for commenting.
     
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  13. silverhalo

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    I totally get your frustration. Don't give up you will find your lady.

    Speaking of which have your spoken to that woman yet hahaha
     
  14. YeahpIdk

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    Eh. If it pops up again just be like, "I was drunk and horny. Any guy could have been Halle Berry if I tried hard enough."

    lol, Idk. Don't feel too bad. I totally get word vomit regrets. Bleh. Even if you were bi or queer, which you totally can be, you could still end up in a same sex relationship because you prefer relationships with women. I feel like I'm that way, but could enjoy sex with men just to have sex with them (which I always 'joked' was all they were good for when I was 'straight'). Your friends sound like they didn't experiment enough in college.

    Btw, I really think you should look into moving. We've been on here for a year or more now, and you're having the same frustrations about where you live. Maybe give yourself a cut off date?
     
    #54 YeahpIdk, Sep 14, 2017
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  15. Moonsparkle

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    I am not really sure if marriage was what I really wanted the FIRST time around! My ex husband and I had been living together for a few years, then we were sort of like, 'might as well get married...' Then we bought the house (because that's the expected next step right?). On the house too, I don't think THAT was what I really wanted either. Quite honestly rather than spend my time trimming the trees, raking, shoveling, painting or all those things a house requires-I would rather be out learning something, or experiencing something new. Doesn't even have to be a BIG thing...could just be reading a book on a new topic or whatever. IDK if I would ever get married again. Certainly not a goal or necessity of my life. I would like to just be in a committed relationship, wedding bands not required!

    Can I borrow your same plea to the universe? Please???? In some sort of weird universe twist, ever since I came out, I get MORE attention from guys than I ever did when I identified as straight. What on earth is going on? A guy would be easy to 'get'. Meanwhile women, I am not even sure WHO is possibly even gay! So sleeping with a guy =not difficult, and in the moment would likely be fine and even momentarily 'good'.

    But then I KNOW it would be a huge crash for me and leave me even MORE empty feeling than before.

    Sigh...the games the universe plays with us!
     
  16. silverhalo

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    Yes that's fair enough.
     
  17. Soundofmusic

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    Haha no I haven't! I'm feeling really intimidated by her and a bit stalkerish, too. She never likes anything I post and she barely follows me, meanwhile I follow her on all social media and like her stuff lol. IDK I think I should just accept that situation for what it is: a confirmation that I haven't stopped being attracted to people. But I don't want to get into a complicated/unrequited situation.
     
  18. Soundofmusic

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    Hahah that's a good one. For sure will use it.

    I just don't enjoy sex with men or even find most attractive, for that matter. I'm leaning more toward lesbian by the day hah.

    I am absolutely looking into moving. I apply to about 5 jobs a day and even have a headhunter and have networking calls with industry people weekly. But its been incredibly hard for me to even get an interview. And I own my home, car, everything at home, so I cant just uproot my life to move somewhere without having something to fall back on.

    And my friends did not experiment AT ALL in college. Were from a very conservative/catholic country. None of them have ever kissed a girl, they've only had sex with their bf/husbands, Most haven't even smoked pot. It's crazy. I'm the wildest and I'm so tame haha
     
  19. silverhalo

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    Fair enough I understand where you are coming from. I'm just going to have to find another girl for you.
     
  20. Soundofmusic

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    Borrow away! I feel the same way about attracting more men. I started figuring out my sexuality about 6 years ago but was in FULL denial up until December of 2014. And I didn't go on a date with anyone until about 5 years ago. No one was attracted to me, ever. And the minute I was like "hmmm maybe I do like girls", I had my first bf.

    I also think it would be a huge crash for me. I tried it with my ex about a year and a half ago and was sooo sad/grossed out :frowning2:
     
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