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I really messed up this weekend

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Soundofmusic, Sep 11, 2017.

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  1. Soundofmusic

    Soundofmusic
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    As some of you know, my birthday was on Saturday. My friends (who share my bday) and I decided to invite pretty much everyone we knew to a beer garden and we were there all day. Well... I haven't been drinking a lot lately but it was my birthday and people kept getting me drinks so by 8pm, when the party was hopping, I was plastered drunk.

    I've shared before that recently I've been feeling like a horny teenager. Ive never had sex with a woman and I never enjoyed sex with men and never craved sex at all, but now it's been SO LONG since Ive kissed, let alone been touched by anyone. So as I started getting drunker, I started telling people "maybe I'm not gay, maybe I'm bi".

    But that's really not true... I was just desperate for someone to touch me and there are 2 guys who I know are sort of interested in me, or have been in the past, so I was like "meh, ill try it again". But I actually don't want to... So then on Sunday all my friends were like "we're so glad you're expanding your horizons and are open to men again". But I don't think I am? Now I'm just mad because it took me so long to convince them that I'm really not attracted to men and in one night, I messed it all up...
     
    #1 Soundofmusic, Sep 11, 2017
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  2. silverhalo

    silverhalo
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    Aww that's a tough situation, I'm sorry you feel stuck in this situation but try not to be too hard on yourself. We all have wobbly moments and backward steps. The key is to not let them affect you in the long run. It's only natural to desire closeness and attention from someone and unfortunately that is often easier to come by from men.
     
    #2 silverhalo, Sep 11, 2017
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  3. RJay

    RJay
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    Aww. Be good to yourself. You didn't screw anything up. What you are feeling is absolutely normal. Hugs.
     
    #3 RJay, Sep 11, 2017
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  4. Soundofmusic

    Soundofmusic
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    Thanks @RJay and @silverhalo . I'm just not even sure how to turn it around at this point... Basically everyone I know was at the party and I was running my mouth because I was so drunk...

    The thing is, my neighbor, who I hooked up with years ago, was there. And I though "maybe I can just get with him, give it a try again" (though the idea of actually having sex with him has 0 appeal for me...). But he rejected me after we hooked up and he isn't interested and so, you all know how it goes... the less someone wants you, the more interested you are. I think Ive always liked the idea of him. But I don't want him to touch me... And then sunday he got me a birthday cake and I was like still kind of thinking hmm, could this be? But then when I thought of doing anything physical with him I wanted to barf lol.

    And then there's this really handsome german doctor I met years ago while travelling who has been texting me a lot and moved to the states... And my friends are like GO VISIT HIM (which I will not do)

    The point is...my dating life is really lackluster right now, so any attention I get I'm like OMG, but Ive been through this confusion and the result is always that I don't really like men...

    #rantover
     
    #4 Soundofmusic, Sep 11, 2017
  5. silverhalo

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    Just keep making progress in other areas, find yourself a girlfriend and then it will be simple you can just tell people you have a girlfriend. Haha not that easy I know but you definitely have it in you.
    This is probably a bigger thing in your mind than anyone else's. You only said you were reconsidering men not that you didn't like girls, so just tell them you thought about it but decided against it.
     
    #5 silverhalo, Sep 11, 2017
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  6. junebug99

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    Try not to worry too much. We've all done and said things that we regret after a night of partying. I'm sure we could all tell some stories about our drunk nights out.
     
    #6 junebug99, Sep 11, 2017
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  7. RJay

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    You don't owe anybody any explanations, nor does your behavior need to fit into anyone's preconceived notions about how you "should" act. You make the rules now. You are a very attractive woman, and guys and girls are going to be all over you. May as well get used to it. And if you get into something with a guy, and you like it, so what? And if you "try" to do something with a guy, and suddenly think, "hell no", so what? Go with the flow... But seriously, you should try to get something going on with a woman soon. I think we all need to do that to finally achieve some clarity and reach some conclusions.
     
    #7 RJay, Sep 11, 2017
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  8. NeonSocks

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    Don't beat yourself up over this! You didn't do anything wrong. So what if you said some things while you were drunk; if you said them sober it still would not have made a difference in this situation!

    Only you are allowed to judge how you feel and determine what is right for you.
     
    #8 NeonSocks, Sep 11, 2017
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  9. Sonata

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    Why should they be convinced that you are gay or not? You know who you are, and even if you have not said that thing that night, they are people who don't believe you anyway. And also what is the difference between being strictly lesbian or somewhat bi? You want to be with a woman at this moment, and you know it, and that is all that matters.

    Happy birthday by the way :slight_smile:
     
    #9 Sonata, Sep 11, 2017
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  10. OED27x

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    Don't even worry about it. It's so natural to crave human affection and attention. And don't worry about what your friends think - you job is not to convince them of anything.

    Several weeks ago I tried the same thing, FYI. It didn't go well. But it happens.
     
    #10 OED27x, Sep 11, 2017
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  11. zumbaqueen

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    I've had those same thoughts (cravings) and I'm not drunk! I am still legally married and even though my husband knows I'm gay and we are living separate, he would still have sex with me if I asked, he at this point has no interest in finding someone else and it's "comfortable" for him. I've thought about it just because I miss the feeling of closeness with someone, but I know I'm the end it would be a mistake.
     
    #11 zumbaqueen, Sep 11, 2017
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  12. Soundofmusic

    Soundofmusic
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    Haha OH GOSH how I wish I could just snap my fingers and get a girlfriend. The only girl interested in me that I know of is someone I am not attracted to at all, even personally. So that wouldn't help...
    Yeah I never said I didn't like girls, you're right. They just want me to be straight so bad... ugh
     
    #12 Soundofmusic, Sep 11, 2017
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  13. Soundofmusic

    Soundofmusic
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    Haha that should be the next topic of conversation in @RJay's highjacked thread.
     
    #13 Soundofmusic, Sep 11, 2017
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  14. Soundofmusic

    Soundofmusic
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    You are so right. I definitely don't owe them explanations. The only reason I'm bothered by it is because they are ALWAYS trying to introduce me to men and it's taken me a long time to get them to back off. And in one night, they all got that glimmer of hope again (they're all married to men and I think they just want me to have a cookie cutter life like they do). They've all texted me since to say how happy they are for me that I'm considering men again.

    Super sweet of you to say but I've never gained much affection from men (or anyone). Its sort of happened in the latest years, now that Ive started figuring out my sexuality. Weird, huh

    True... it's just hard for me to go with the flow. I'm an uptight virgo haha! But yes, for sure need to date a woman. Kinda stuck in that aspect... Can't wait.

    Thanks for the message :slight_smile:
     
    #14 Soundofmusic, Sep 11, 2017
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  15. Soundofmusic

    Soundofmusic
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    Thank you!

    The only reason I need to convince them is because they drive me insaneeee trying to set me up with guys.

    You are right, it doesn't really matter what I am. But I do know that being with men is always better in theory than in practice for me haha
     
    #15 Soundofmusic, Sep 11, 2017
  16. Soundofmusic

    Soundofmusic
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    Yes, totally natural, but also VERY new for me... I used to event think I was asexual.

    Haha uh oh...
     
    #16 Soundofmusic, Sep 11, 2017
  17. RJay

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    Not weird. You are probably exuding more confidence and sexuality. People won't read you as gay necessarily, though.
     
    #17 RJay, Sep 11, 2017
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  18. Soundofmusic

    Soundofmusic
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    Yes I think it's important to differentiate the impulse of wanting to do with from actual desire.
     
    #18 Soundofmusic, Sep 11, 2017
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  19. Soundofmusic

    Soundofmusic
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    No, I don't read as gay at all, which is partly why I'm so verbal about it. 99% of the time I'm in a dress, with lipstick and heels on lol. My gay guy friends who have the best gaydars ever say I don't ping them at all...
     
    #19 Soundofmusic, Sep 11, 2017
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  20. silverhalo

    silverhalo
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    I don't think you can altogether blame them. I think they want you to be straight because it's easier and it's in their comfort zone. That's not to say they have a problem with you being with a girl and I'm sure they would support it. I think they probably don't realise the affect their words have on you.
     
    #20 silverhalo, Sep 11, 2017
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