How do you not hate straight people?

I have never had a hard time finding dates, being pre-transition and interested in guys, even with my short haircuts and menswear, but this doesn't mean I'm not jealous of how easy it is for straight people - when I open up about my identity, 99% of guys can't comprehend it, and just go, "Oh, so you're straight, let me keep using female pronouns and basically toss the information that you've just trusted me with to the side as if it didn't matter, because you're really a girl, so whatever." which, obviously, gets really damaging after a while. Because no, when I open up to someone about my identity, I don't want it to be taken lightly. I don't want to be talked over like a child. I want to be respected and supported.

But I still don't hate straight people.

I think it's just because even if I wanted to, I can't hate an entire group of people as a whole. It goes against my code of ethics, because historically, that level of hatred has been proven to be pretty not awesome.

 

I agree it's fucking annoying how easy it is for them! I think,that they are a bit ungrateful with what they're given but it's not their fault. Like how ungrateful people who can see must seem to blind people...
What I hate the most is having to ignore your "instincts". What I mean. When I first found out I was gay,I let myself go and I would stare at all guys I found were hot but as time went by,I realized that probably none of them are gay so even in my fantasy land where I make scenarios with my head nothing ever could happen... So you can't even look most of the time ! What most straight men do on a daily bases is something "fobidden" for us... Yu can't flirt you can't do anything! First you have to make sure your sexual orientations are compatible...!

 

I kind of agree with you, I don't hate straight people but I kind of envy them... Its not fair and its annoying how easy it is for them, I agree but I mean its just something we have to deal with...

 

I would just like to point out that it is obvious that the OP was claiming that he hated straight people in a way that would, for example, parallel homophobia.

He simply seems frustrated that he has to deal with all of these struggles just to be with someone he loves, while they can go on without scrutiny. He was clearly just venting frustrations that he has with the privilege they often retain.

It doesn't make much sense for all of us to run up and act like he thoughts are ridiculous. We all know he isn't talking about our amazing straight best friends. He hates what heterosexual has come to stand for.

 

In some ways I get where you're coming from, even without the homophobic bullshit in society, straights kind of have it easier by default because they make up 96% of the population, so us gays have a hard time finding others to relate to, to date, to look up to, etc. And it's frustrating, it's stressful, and it sucks constantly being around people who get to enjoy all of that while we're shit out of luck.

But the reality is it's not their fault. They didn't ask for gays to feel outcast or lonely or like they have no one to love or relate to, in fact, most of them probably don't want gays to feel this way, but frankly, there's nothing they can do about it. And sitting around, blaming straight people for shit they have control over doesn't get us anywhere and, if anything, will just piss them off (and frankly, I can't really blame them for getting pissed off about that). And there are some pros to being gay, for example: instead of having a partner of the opposite sex, you have a partner of the same sex, someone you can relate to and bond with on a deeper level (and more easily, once you find them) because you're both the same sex/gender.

 

Well... Im straight, but as a desperate-shy and socially awkard one, with a high sex drive combined with lack sexual and romantic activity i understand.

Also i' m very particular in my tastes and hobbies so i'm usually the weird guy in the room, its hard to find people willing to do for fun the things i want to do for fun.

So i feel very envious at people with better social/sexual lives.

Of course its not compared to the situation of gay people but by extropolating i can have some degree of understanding.

How do you deal with the envy?

1- see what advantage you have that heterosexual people dont .

2- jealosy is countered with compersion( feeling happy with the happyness or success of others) to practice compersion make friends with heterosexuals and share their joy.

3-hang out with your friends and have fun, this distracts you from negative feelings.

4- Remember how i said that is hard to find people who likes what i like? When i happen to find people like me its a great event for me, because its rare its more precious and i can appreciate it better than normal people. Also that person gets the same excitment and appreciate me as much, that originates a great friendship for life.... Well, enjoy the capacity to appreciate what straight people cant appreciate as much as you, and know that when you get to meet someone gay its going to be very special.

5- what doesnt destroy you makes you stronger.

 

Get a boyfriend? Then you won't have to worry about hitting things ha.

 

I feel the same way and found this thread by googling "I hate straight people". Please don't think that your feelings are immature. at least, I don't think they are. I think it's a mixture of envy, feeling different or even inferior (internalized homophobia), maybe not feeling entitled to being attracted to people of the same sex and getting a lot of rejection and unrequited attraction(unhappiness). I also think it's just a natural response to privilege we don't have (It's that "How dare you?" feeling.) It's really hard and I too wish I knew how to cope with these feelings. You're not alone... I think minoritized groups should be allowed to "hate" the dominant group. Otherwise straight people would be the only ones allowed to hate people not of their sexual orientation. The difference is, that gay people hate straight people for a reason (their privilege and power to oppress gay people) whereas gay people do not pose a threat to straight people. We are worth the same so straight people who aren't dickheads will/should tolerate it, knowing that it doesn't come close to what gays and lesbians go through on a daily basis.

 

Hmmm...I see where you're coming from but for me, the accepting, supportive, non-judgmental, non-homophobic and cool straight people that I've met keep me from hating them. I am sorry to see you feel this way. but another thing that'll probably help is when you go into the gay scene and you'll see that gay people that are so no nice. lol

That being said

Not all straight people are cool and accepting
Not all straight people are homophobic assholes
Not all gay people are awesome
Not all gay people are shady bitches


To me, there's good and bad in every group of people, and that's what keeps from hating any group out there.

 

I can't even understand the concept of 'hating straight people' let alone actually experience the feeling myself.

There are so many other factors that determine whether or not I like someone, and sexual orientation or how easy they have it with dating are certainly not among those factors. And expanding that to a group as a whole? Does not compute. No comprendo.

People have to earn my hate. An accident of birth will not suffice.

 

Sounds more like you hate the fact that you're part of what's called an invisible minority. This fact is one of the reasons I suspect some gay men are so flamboyant. It helps them be noticed for membership in a group that is otherwise unrecognizable at face value.

Try a dating site. You have the advantage of your homosexuality being obvious and you are in total control of whom you talk to. Just be really honest, and talk to lots of people. respond a lot, remember names and details, be polite and friendly, make sure your interests are really honest, and you'll quickly figure out who pays the most attention to you.

Otherwise, my boyfriend says his technique is to make eye contact, linger, and smile. It can be useful and if someone doesn't respond they won't bring it up. You get to do it from a distance too.

 

They're just people. You don't magically become superior to humanity just because you like the same sex. At our core, we're all the same, which is one problem I see in the division between the LGBTQ community and everyone else. I'd like to see people stop preaching about our differences, and start realizing that we're all just people.

 

^ that's a very fitting response from someone with a Daria avatar

In essence, all he's saying is that it's really hard to find other gay guys in the world. That problem has been a problem since the dawn of time though. Meeting someone of the same sexuality is only a bit harder than meeting someone with the same interests.

 

What's there to hate? Only the minority of straights are dickheads. There are dickhead LGBT people too ya know.

 

Hmm... why exactly should I hate them... or anyone else for that matter... unless they try to or do hurt/abuse me? :eusa_eh:

 

it is irrational to hate straight people. you are merely shifting your frustration of being gay and channeling that into "hate" for straights. it more jealousy that you have in my opinion and not hate. you also seem to have a "i wish i was not in this situation" persona as well. this is all normal and understandable. what you have to do is accept that you are gay (which is sounds as though you have accepted that), then once you have accepted that, you have to accept that being gay puts you in the minority and as a minority, general life, culture, viewpoints, biases are not and will not be suited to you and never will. i am not sure of your racial background but if you are in a majority race, maybe it would help you to speak to racial minorities about their experiences and how they feel about some of the unique challenges they have when they are typically "the only ones at the bar, the only ones at the club, the only ones in the neighborhood" and how they may be treated or perceived to be treated by the larger non-minority community. remember, their race will never change, so from birth they are trained to deal with it and make the best of it. similarly, you must accept that you are gay (which is sounds as though you have), and since this will never change, you must accept that you will ALWAYS be in the minority now. You must then try to even out the playing field as much as you can. This means developing connections with people who are like you. Going where people who are like you go, making friends with people who are like you, hanging out in areas where people like you hang, etc. Doing this will increase the likelihood that you will meet and make connections with people that share the same fundamental common thread you have....being a homosexual.

it doesn't mean that all homosexuals are alike, or that you will even like any of them or like being around them, but it does mean that you have increased your chances of meeting potential dating partners that are in "your group".

I will leave you with this small analogy.....There was once a fishermen. He went to this huge lake that was teaming with fish. He had a particular bait that he liked to use and no matter how many times he cast his line, no fish would bite. He couldn't undertstand why. The lake was full of trout, but none were biting on this line. After 2 hours of fishing, he finally gave up. On the way home he passed a smaller river that he knew had a lot of catfish in it. He thought, "ok, maybe i should try here". He took out his favorite bait and tried again and the catfish were almost springing up from the water. They LOVED his bait. He caught so many fish that day he ended up throwing a lot of them back. When he got home he did some research online and found that the particular bait he was using was repulsive to trout but catfish loved it. So he learned from that day forward, it wasn't that the his bait was bad at all, he was just fishing in the wrong pond.

My point is, focus your efforts where you know you can have success and not where you know there is no hope. you wiil find that you will catch a lot more fish and be a lot happier.

 

I loved this. Thank you.

 

As much as I hate being in the minority and not being able to hit on anyone I like without knowing their orientation first, I don't direct that hate on straight people. It's not their fault they're straight, same as it's not our fault we're gay. Heterophobia is just as bad as homophobia and I don't want to be that person.

I won't lie there are times when I look at straight couples in public and feel bitter because I know if I had a girlfriend, I'd never be able to act as openly about our relationship without attracting unwanted attention. But that's how it is. There are downsides to being straight too. For example, I believe communication is often better in same sex relationships.

 

Because a lot of them are my best friends and have supported me more and been more reliable than my own LGBT alliance on campus. Does that answer your question?

 

I agree with you, but I always find the concept of heterophobia to be ridiculous. There isn't a systematic oppression of straight people. Even if a gay person wants to avoid or be bitter about straight people and be "heterophobic," it will never be as bad as homophobia because of that lack of societal oppression.

Though I don't agree with people having prejudices, I can understand why some LGBT people are cautious when it comes to straight people out of fear they'll hurt us as it does happen every day.