How are you feeling today?

I am feeling drained and numb. I had a brain simulator installed in JAN, got infected in FEB, got the device removed, not before having three seizures. It was awful! I have been back at work and today, a few minutes ago, I just stopped. I feel like I am at a loss how to take a break and do something I enjoy.

 

Physically I felt OK today. I had my last visit at the chiropractor so all is well.
Emotionally - I can't remember what that feels like, I am so numb and tend to keep my head down.

 

I've been better than how I was during this week. I was depressed because I didn't like how I was in love with an ex that only sees me as a friend. Before I just wanted these dumb feelings to go away as I just want to see him as a friend as well without me ruining our friendship because of my feelings. I told him my feelings but he just said that he still only sees me as a friend nothing more. I just told him just in case his feelings changed. After telling him, I wasn't actually sad when he shot me down I guess I was relieved it was over. I'm okay now but still trying to recover from all that.

 

Quite sleepy. Got to work at 5 for some overtime.

 

I'm feeling good, just tired.

 

Very unproductive. I have to study for finals but I'm having a hard time getting to it.

 

Overwhelmed. I need a way out of this life

 

Honestly, not alright.

Been on edge today, like I've forgotten something really important. I nearly had a panic attack thinking about college stuff for this fall. Just... Yeah... Not in a good place the past few days.

 

Feeling dead tired. Even though I laid down for like 10 hours, it was more like dosing, and waking up repeatedly through out the night.

Last night I also told literally the only person that ever asks me to hang out, to fuck off.

Got a funeral to go to next week, and also get a more up to date life expectancy report.

I complain way to much. Literally complain at every opportunity.

 

Lonely and worried and missing my "family"(in quotes because they disowned me)

 

I just remembered what tomorrow is...
Its the seven year anniversary of the day my best friend killed himself :tears:

 

I've had a productive day, but not productive in a useful way. Feeling under pressure of time. :bang:

 

Kind of pissed. I went to a higher end store to buy my cousin a birthday present, and a snob that I went to school with was (surprise) a snob, she made it verbally obvious she was shocked I could afford the item I bought.

 

ugh! I hear you snobs are the worst! But just remember the one important person who needs to know if you have enough (besides the clerk) already knows you do. YOU! and that's all that matters! I'm not saying you shouldn't feel pissed because YOU SHOULD I'm just trying to help cheer you up and be friendly

 

like I'm never good enough, no matter what I do.
perfectionism keeps ruining my life.

 

Honestly? I'm feeling like shit. So tired, besides, I'm so, but so angry with someone. I guess I need some sleep and I'll be fine.

 

Stressed, tired, and overwhelmed with work, but also listening to Culture Club so not too bad.

 

End of the day, and I haven't done anything (well I earned today's pay, but still). I've got to give this whole internet thing a rest.

 

Pretty terrible honestly. My fucking neighbors started blasting music at 1 AM just as I was falling asleep last night, and today was a horrible day at work.