When I accept that I am gay I am happy. When I am in denial I am making up excuses, trying to 'fix it'. Rationalizations: a. I look at guys on the street and don't find them attractive so I think 'see I am not gay'. b. I convince myself that my fantasies about me are only symbolic. c. I look at beautiful women, find them beautiful and say to myself. 'see, I find women beautiful, I am not gay". It's one thing to say "I am gay" but not want to take action it's another to make up excuses that I am not gay. I realize how much shame I have about it, and how scared I am about it, but also ever since I came here and admitted it, I deeply long to be with a man physically and romantically. I think about dating men and I get excited, I have no desire to date women. How much clearer does it have to be? I made some good progress coming out here about a year ago but went back in the closet.