Do you (or did you) get moments when it (almost) goes away?

Yes I wasn't suggesting that you should give up entirely on what you have that isn't for me to say. At the end of the day it's not about what's right or what's worked for someone else, I mean it's interesting to hear but it has to be what is right and what works for you.

 

I personally tried very hard to make my marriage work and try to put aside my "gay" thoughts. Even once I told my husband I was gay I told him just accepting it was enough for me and I would work towards keeping our marriage together and staying with him. As the weeks went by I realized I cannot do that. I simply don't want a man as a partner anymore, socially or sexually. So when you say almost goes away, to me it's more like consciously having to put it away and I'm not willing to do that anymore.

 

I empathize with so much of what others have said with this thread. Best wishes to you LIDD as you work this out. It's tough. I'm in a similar position as well. Sometimes I think my current relationship can work because we'll laugh about something or enjoy cooking dinner and then I'll just be sad that he's not a woman. I wonder if I'll ever reach a point where I feel like I've tried enough. In reality I've been trying for years

 

Have you ever asked him honestly what would make him less bored?

 

Do you mean you are not sure you are ready for the shall we go our separate ways?

Well making friends is not a bad thing, having separate hobbies and friendship groups can be good for relationships, do you already have friends or would you look to make some new ones as well?

 

It's interesting that on one hand you are not really happy in your relationship and don't want to break it up but at the same time you don't want him to break it up either. Do you think this is purely a fear thing?

 

I think this speaks volumes about your relationship.
Aside from winning the lottery if someone offered you or showed you a solution where you split and you could have enough money to get by would you take it?

 

If you are not happy and would be happier on your own I would look at that to be a reason to leave your current relationship. Don't rely on another person (of the same sex or opposite sex) to make you happy. You need to find happiness in yourself first.

 

I don't think it's heartless. You can't help that the relationship doesn't make you happy. It's just one of those things. It sounds a little like you are paralysed by the fear of what might be if you leave and mainly you can only see the negatives. I'm not saying you should leave or that it will be all fine and rosy if you did but I think maybe you should consider chatting to some of the people on here that are single parents about their experiences.

 

Would your child's father be likely to share the parenting willingly with you if you split up?

 

What makes you think you will be single for years?