At A Crossroads

Hi Soundofmusic,

Not sure if you want/are looking for a reply but I thought I'd comment if that's ok.

First,well done on the job offer. It sounds like an exciting opportunity. Second, the lure of what we know is a big thing. I've kinda done things the other way round from you. I have moved around a lot and had to 'start fresh' regularly and now I'm settled (single but enjoying my social and work live etc).

However, moving around a lot has been a great experience. I'm much more confident in new situations, meeting new people, deal with the unexpected and coping with a wide variety of personalities and circumstances. So don't underestimate what you will learn by moving somewhere else and having to meet new people and make new friends. I also have a job that I love so that makes a big difference from the situation you describe where your social life is great but you don't like your job.

Also bear in mind that while moving to the US is dependent on having a job, moving back home is not. So you could go to the US and if you find after a couple of months, a year, 5 years or 10 years that you wanted to go home (assuming you do not lose you current nationality from being outside the country too long) it would be easier going back than staying now and needing another opportunity to come up.

I'm certainly not telling what to do or anything, only you can decide what its best for you right now. A new opportunity will always provoke anxiety and sticking with what we know if extremely tempting. But don't pass up an opportunity that you sound very excited about - particularly for what others expect of you regarding love life etc (sorry if that is a bit presumptuous).

Anyway, just a few thoughts.

 

Oh well if you have US citizenship then you have even more freedom of movement that I thought. I'm glad my comments were helpful and I wish you all the best with whatever you decide to do.

 

Hey sound of music...Happy New Year!

I think it sounds like a great opportunity so I’m going to have to favour option 2 (of course, it’s entirely your decision).

Travelling and getting to live in and experience new places is hands down the best thing I ever done.

If it doesn’t work out you can always move back home again, all your friends and family will still be there. You can also visit on holidays etc.

Regarding your sexuality, being properly vulnerable is scary. However, it’s absolutely worth it.

I guess something to ask yourself is - will you regret it if you don’t take this opportunity?

 

Basically what he said ^
I left home when I was 18, started in florida and now I live in Cali..I've lived in many states in between and overall it's been a very positive thing. I have a few places i've lived that when I'm done moving around I might want to end up. That and I really love seeing different parts of the US, the different kinds of landscapes. So my vote is go for it. and good luck, not saying it's easy but I think it's worth it.

 

Do it

Haha sorry couldn't resist.

I think you have more to lose by not trying. If you go and hate it you can always come home, it will still all be there waiting for you. Well maybe not the guy but I think we both know that's not what you want just what you wish you wanted.

 

Yes.

 

Oh absolutely it will be scary but I know you can do it and that what you are imagining is so much worse than it will be.

Look I hear you, I have an amazing girlfriend and I can still have a moment (although not very often) where I'm just like I so wish I was straight. But I think what you are longing is a connection rather than a traditional family and a true connection you will only find with a woman.

 

Hi Soundofmusic,

Yes, that does resonate. I think we all wonder about the 'traditional' family as it is instilled in us early on that a 'family' is a mum, dad and children. But that notion of family, while still dominant, no longer holds the sway it does. And throughout history families have rarely been the ideal - think of single mothers, orphans, single fathers, adopted children, children raised by grandparents and uncles. I don't know if it would help but you could do some reading upon the historical development of a family.

Regardless, I would suggest you think about whether you really want a traditional family. Can you imagine years spent with a man? I certainly could imagine being (by which I mean having a sexual, romantic, couple-life) with a woman for any amount of time let alone potentially a lifetime. And by imagine yourself, I mean would you be happy with that or would always want to explore your life with a woman?

That's not to say that wanting to have the traditional family is wrong or irrational, it's a very strong social expectation but it should not rule your life.

Hope you hear about the job offer soon.

 

My two cents on the traditional family, If you know you're gay or feel you might be you should probably hold off making a family with a guy. lol Really tho, if you want little people around there is no reason you can't have kids with out a guy. Find the person that makes you happy then make a family with that person. From what I've seen from my wife and from other peoples stories on here is that Questioning while being married might work for awhile. You might even be passable happy ish... And even that's pretty hard. It's just not set up to win. The more my wife questioned, the more we drifted, the more we drifted the more unhappy we became, the more unhappy she was the more she questioned. Fun cycle right there.. :/
So my advice about traditional families... Make a family that's happy and you're doing better than traditional

About being with a women, you owe it to yourself and to any future kids to figure out what makes you happy. Then just build a family around that.

 

I agree with the many here. It’s scary and overwhelming. You may even want to pull your hair out after a few days/weeks/months, but you *can ****always go back home.

I used to live a few hours from Philly and have family/some friends who live there. They LOVE it. It’s a super cool little city. And there’s def a big queer scene there.

You need to do it!

There’s that saying like, “if it scares you, do it.”

You can always go back to your old life, that you’re having premature nostalgia over right now, and you’ve been complaining about, on here, for years.

While we’re talking about sayings, let us not forget the zillion there are about staying “comfortable.” In your comfort zone. Where dreams die.

And you sound bored af with that guy. Definitely not a good example of a person to build a whole “straight” life with — for more “comfort.”

 

I agree with lost, a lot of the cracks in our marriage first started when we had kids. All that adjusting to being a parent, it's stressful, and if there is a problem buried in your relationship it will come up. That's why my advice is to find someone that makes you happy. Family can be hard, you need a good relationship with your partner to make it work. For my wife, I think she's glad we ended up having our two children, but if she had to do it again... I think she would of preferred to not have kids with someone of a different sexual preference. Nothing against me, but I can't fulfill her romantic needs and the family needs.