Any older single people here?

I am the WORST at reading signals and getting hints, I have also never been the type of guy to make the first move, but I gotta do something. I agree with getting out of the comfort zone, I’m just not sure how to go about it.

When I am home the city is big enough to have groups, but the timing of my home from work time seems to make me miss every get together they have. My job makes it even more of a challenge as being a trucker on the road, it’s a lot for someone to get involved with. I have one friend who told me get on the apps and hook up with a bunch and see who comes back. But that’s just not the kind of guy I have ever been. I don’t feel I should have to have anonymous random hook ups to find someone to be with.

 

I get it. I would have made a lousy detective - miss all sorts of clues - an Inspector Clueless! *laugh*

Since you are a truck driver, is there any chance you could check out LGBT events at locations that you happen to drive through? It would be a hassle for sure, but some events might work out. There are gay bars too, but I am not much of a bar person. It's tough, especially for those of us who live in rural areas or small towns.

Iam a little more fortunate. At my museum job I can pretty much set my work time, though it has to be at least a month before. That will allow me to attend some LGBT functions that I really want to attend.

 

Not just for middle aged guys. Younger guys have trouble too.
My "boyfriend" is at the point in his life where he really wants a partner.

He's a bit shy but a total catch. He is having a lot of trouble finding guys to have a serious relationship with. I've suggested he move from the area to a larger town.

In the meantime. I've built up a pretty good network of gay friends. I started on the apps and built it up. So, I'm dragging him around to meet my friends. I've made it my mission to help find him a man!

In the meantime, we have an intimate relationship and that keeps him from becoming too lonely and frustrated.

I've found, from my friends, that have recently come out, that many are looking for the same sort of thing that they left with their wives...just with a man. But, I think the process in finding that is different and you can't leave any stone unturned, including the apps. Just be wary of them.

 

That's so sweet of you to help your bf find a partner. He is lucky to have met you my friend!

 

It’s not that I’m looking for the same thing I had with my ex wife, but at this stage in life I know I’m looking for very specific things and nothing is really make or break so to speak. But if they ain’t got the personality that I can click with, it’s not gonna go far. And I don’t feel I should have to hook up to get interaction. I want to go out with someone and see what they are like before I decide if being intimate is what I want to do.

 

When I started using apps I really just needed to meet and interact with other gay/bi guys and in my small town there wasn't much of a scene.

So, my profile read "no sex". I "hooked up" with no intimacy a number of times and met some great guys!

 

This thread makes me want a man! It’s weird how lonely you can be, while still keeping yourself at arms length from guys. I’ve met several guys that seem to interested, and I definitely find them an option, but I can’t pull the trigger.

I’m not ready... still got some weight to lose, working in my issues with self esteem and major guarded heart syndrome with my new therapist... I know fear plays a part in it, but I really want do want to get to place I’m happy with me first!

 

If you can’t love your self and be happy with yourself. Who can you be happy and in love with? Right?

 

Truth! It’s just a catch 22... being lonely and having a desire for a partner and a companion, but knowing that you have to be happy within yourself first... that’s why I’m in therapy! I’m in a much better place than a year ago, or really ever, so maybe by the end of the year I’ll be ready for that journey. Who knows...

 

I hear you on that, it was a long road for me dealing with PTSD and depression. Lost of counseling and struggling but I’m out, I love me even if no one else does. I am ready for the plunge so to speak at this point but not sure how to go about really finding someone. I was married in hetero relationships for close to 20 years. It’s like learning to ride a bike at 40. Hahaha.

 

God you’re doing better PTSD is A monster! And requires upkeep for sure... I know I said it early on, and others have said it. But I did use the apps to make friends. I’ve got several really good friends that are just that from them. You get to control who you talk to, who you meet l, etc. So it’s definitly a good tool. You have to deal with the down side of it, the pushy people and such... but where I’m at there’s not an active community or social gathering space. So it’s really my only option. I like the idea suggested though of looking and seeing if there’s an activity where you’re heading... that’s sounds like so much fun!

 

Yeah, 3 tours in Iraq scared me pretty good, but the psychiatrist says it is completely in remission at this point. I think I will take the suggestion and try to make some friends with the apps.

Normally I do try to find local stuff to do but I’m currently in rural North Carolina where there isn’t even Uber to get me anywhere. But I typically try to find the local club, and go to a drag show in whatever town I happen to be laid over in for the weekend.

 

I'll echo the talk about LGBT groups being perhaps the best hope. Certainly, it's been a recommendation here regularly over the years I've been here. It's argued: one can meet guys that aren't only interested in getting off right now, and also are sober.

I can't speak from personal experience...but I can say I'd feel more comfortable with groups than hookup apps.

This is a problem. You might keep a watch over known groups (and any new groups that form). Just in case something gets scheduled sometimes for a time that is convenient. I hate to mention this, since it seems so obvious, but since looking at LGBT options since 2013 (probably--2014 at the latest), I've noticed things come and go. And I've noticed that groups that meet Tuesdays religiously might have a rare Thursday meeting.

And I know it's probably not a comfort...but my options are severely limited. Anything I do must cost $0, and be something I can get to by (limited) bus service.

 

Yeah that’s unfortunate. For me I get into town Friday afternoon and am typically back on the road by Sunday afternoon. The during the week stuff I don’t even look at, but they do some things on Saturday afternoons (typically the weekend I am out on the road) or Sunday evening (when I’m out on the road) not trying to whine or anything but I’ll keep my eyes peeled and see if I can find something that will line up for me.

 

A larger town might help. Then, again, it might not...

I remember all too well hearing horror stories on EC about struggles people had, even in large cities. One, IIRC, even lived in New York!

Indeed, I think one reason I am so pessimistic about ever having a relationship is that I remember people who were good catches, and still had zero luck...

 

I agree with Dionysios--he is lucky to have met you! And it's wonderful your trying to help him.

And your help may be hugely helpful--meeting people through a mutual friend/acquaintance. At least, it seems to me I've heard something like that.

 

No, I am not asexual.

 

It may not be a huge comfort...but self esteem is a huge problem for me. As anyone who has read my posting history probably will attest. And I know that's a huge problem for dating.

I also probably tend put walls up around me, or so I've been told. It may be due to being closeted all these years. It may be other factors. In any case, it doesn't help.

 

If you asked my friends or family they’d say I’m an open book and share everything... sometimes too much. It wasn’t till therapy last year that my therapist keep saying what emotions does that bring up... and finally I said I’ve already told you. She pointed out I told her the story but not how I felt at the time or the emotions I’ve had since related to it... that’s when I realized I don’t share that. Never have. I mean I definitely don’t shy away from other people’s emotions and showing compassion. I just gaurd mine.

 

So, last night I brought my friend up to a liberal mountain town where I introduced him to some of my gay friends. He seemed to have a wonderful time. But, on the drive home he seemed really bummed and wouldn't tell me what was wrong.

Later, we chatted till 2:00 AM. He just feels so lost in finding his life partner.

I'm afraid I may be more of a reminder that he hasn't found this than a help for him. If I were 30 years younger and single we would quite likely be perfect for each other. He sees this and it bums him out.

What is amazing to me is that I met my wife and have had a wonderful loving marriage and I've met a man who, on a different time and place, could be the same.

I believe we are capable of finding special people that enrich our lives. That there is no "one and only". We just need to open ourselves to the possibility of love and put ourselves out there and we can find it.

To me, this should be encouraging to my friend and any of us who are searching. There is someone for each of us!