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Any older single people here?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Wan2Luv, Jan 19, 2019.

  1. iosguy

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    Just
    What apps do you use out of curiosity?
     
  2. Nickw

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    We're not supposed to give out that sort of info here.

    But, I use several and I have a profile that says "no sex". Of course no one believes that. But, I make it clear I'm looking for friends not hookups.

    First, though, I would suggest meetup groups for an activity like hiking. I've also suggested volunteering at a LGBQT center.

    I attend Pride and avoid the parties but do the bike ride or hiking activities.

    I'm, actually, not looking for the sort of relationships you guys are. But, I find lots of the guys are.
     
  3. Lgbtqpride

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    I want friendships too, I want more lgbt friends.
     
  4. iosguy

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    I would like to find someone just to spend quality time together. I would like a life partner ideally but im not 'looking' as it never happens.

    I have noticed there are not many guys in my area on the famous yellow one!! Lots seem to be leaving.
     
  5. BMC77

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    I was under the impression that hookups were the only thing offered by the Apps That Can't Be Named Or Else We'll End Up With "A President Trump".

    Oops...we did end up with a President Trump...someone must have named an app here in 2016. LOL
     
  6. BMC77

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    I will say this is the second time I've heard anyone suggest that those apps can be something more than hookups... Someone on another forum had positive things to say, even saying he'd discovered that particular forum due to someone on one of those apps.

    I suppose this is one those "Your Mileage May Vary" things. And it's probably one of those "it doesn't hurt to try" deals if it's practical to try. I won't try, since I don't have a smart phone. Given the $$$$ involved with smart phones, it's not likely I'll get one...but I have to admit I have thought that if I ever did get one I'd be at least curious to see what those apps are like.
     
  7. BMC77

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    There is truth in this. But "get out there" is a lot easier said than done for some people.

    I remember trying to find ways of getting real world interaction with LGBT people when I was first on EC... And it was nothing but a long string of failure. It was hard finding options that worked for my particular circumstances. There were few options...and what few options I found/tried didn't make my situation any better. I went to PFLAG a couple of times, where I found a couple of other gay men who were not in the least bit interested in even talking to me during the coffee hour. I went to a LGBT center, and it was, frankly, a wasted trip. And a lot of stuff that I learned about was problematic in that it was a distance off (and, at that time, I was driving a marginal car that I didn't feel comfortable taking outside my immediate area (which ruled out the ton of options an hour away). All in all, it reached a point where I pretty much gave up. I not only gave up hope of having real world LGBT connections, but I also gave up hope of having friends (not necessarily LGBT--just friends).

    Yes, by giving up, my chances drop to zero. But I was seeing no sign of hope, and I was going crazy in the process.
     
  8. Poofter

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    I am 40 and single. I was married twice though. But I’m not dealing with a divorce or anything at this point just coming out and trying to figure out where to interact with people.

    I do have fun going out to clubs, but unless I go to a bear bar, I am usually way older than most the people there. Not a lot of places on the road to randomly pop into for a visit that are convenient to get to.

    As for the apps. I have probably every one of them. I met one guy I dated for a few months who...ended up being crazy (I have a tendency to attract crazy and it sucks) but the rest of the ones who grace me with a convo, if I am not able to be in their area to meet them in a day or two of starting to talk on the app ghost out or, they want to hook up in my truck. I’m not really interested in having a first romantic encounter with someone inside my place of business. Lol

    So I’m just as lost as everyone else on where do you meet people to find real friendships or real relationships.
     
  9. Nickw

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    I know it's not easy. I was an introvert as a kid and struggled with meeting anyone.

    But, I'm also pretty industrious. So, I started learning to chat with folks...anyone. An old lady in the park. Checkout clerk. Anyone.

    So, I'm still very nervous when I meet someone and have a tendency to want to disappear into the woodwork at parties...that hasn't gone away. But, now I force myself to do it because I learned to relate to new people even if it does not feel natural.

    I've learned I can do it. And, I believe most of us can.

    Finding that gay friend will be easier when you start learning to find friends regardless of their sexuality. I think that's why I've had such good success meeting gay men. I meet people with no expectations that anything serious will happen (not talking hookup's). So, I can't fail really.

    Without this investment in the outcome I am more apt to try.
     
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  10. BMC77

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    At times, it has felt like the only people I've had to talk with have been checkout clerks. Sigh... There is some value in that, I suppose. Years back, I clipped an article from the newspaper (remember newspapers?) on friends or making friends. I can't remember for sure (and I don't have access to the clipping tonight). But as I recall, there was a line from some expert about the value of very casual "friends" like a favorite clerk. (I'm not sure I'd consider these people friends...but the article did.)

    Indeed, my only LGBT contact in the real world for a period was a clerk at my regular grocery store. It was nice knowing, however casually, one other person...although it could be frustrating at times. Every year, she goes to a major Pride event an hour from here, and asks me at some point in the weeks leading up if I'll go. Answer: no. She's always a bit surprised, and tries to sell the idea. But I have no realistic way of going to it. But I digress.

    Another clerk at the same store is also someone I know who is gay...but he's not out to me (I was told by the clerk referenced above).

    I've had very little luck with people whom I casually meet like this. Indeed, I can only think of one person whom I met like this who ever became anything remotely resembling a friend.

    At one point, I was actively trying to build an almost dead social network. I specifically went out to various events and forced myself to mingle. (Not easy for an introvert.) I got more acquaintances...but no real friends. And, as far as I know, none of the people are LGBT. I finally gave up trying. Part of it was a "giving up"...but also part of it was forced on me. I'm low income, so I need opportunities that cost $0. Meetup groups iwth a $5 monthly fee, or meet at events that cost $10, $20 need not apply. I no longer have a car (that marginal car I mentioned earlier is No More), and so I need something that I can get to by bus. This combination of budget and transportation reality is, at best, severely limiting. Every so often, I look at the options...and then find there are none...

    Another issue: it's supposed to be very hard making friends in my area. Not long ago, in a moment of pitiful, lonely desperation, I did an Internet search on "How to make friends." (Pitiful, I know--especially since this is a skill everyone else learned at 7, not 47.) I was discouraged, but not terribly surprised, to see my area mentioned in a list of places where you might find making friends (on average) harder. Indeed, at least 3 EC members have said this (2 privately, 1 on a forum post) with me since 2014.

    My only comfort in all this is that my current therapist told me that other clients find this area a huge struggle when it comes to making friends.
     
  11. PinkCarnation41

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    I'm 43 and came out about 7 years ago and am a long term singleton. I'm very shy and introverted which doesn't help.
     
  12. I'mStillStanding

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    I actually used THE APP only to make friends in my area (to begin with lol) and still that is primarily what I use it for... mostly... yeah! You set up your profile and just say what you’re looking for. You will get a lot of unsolicited offers and such, I just politely decline and explain really looking for friends (again normally). One of my best friends I found that way, we chatted then met for coffee and have been sisters ever since! It was fate!
     
  13. TorpedoGrl

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    I completely agree! I'm also in my late 40s. I've been married but never had children. I have the freedom that I need but I find it really difficult to find places where I can meet people like me. The thought of online dating and going to gay bars frighten me. And really, I would just really like to connect with people as friends before anything else. Just to know that I'm not alone.
     
  14. Laconian

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    My experience with the apps is similar. Hookups but no dates or relationships. Still on them in hopes of more though. Not many other options. Getting involved in LGBT groups in order to expand my options. Nothing so far. Adult bookstores/arcades for anonymous encounters are what I have for now.
     
  15. Danabutton

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    47....every heterosexual relationship ended in disaster even though each was a year or longer...I think maybe I have self sabotaged myself
    Been struggling for years to come to terms with where I actually fall with regards to orientation
    I would like to meet others with similar circumstances
     
  16. mailme09

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    I am 49 and ignored my feeling all my life. Never dated man or a girl. Never had sex. Now I really feel lonely.
    I was thinking I am the only one in the world.
     
  17. Lgbtqpride

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    Maybe you are asexual.
     
  18. Dionysios

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    Wise words my friends!
    It reminds me of a saying, " If you like dancing, you won't find a partner with your back to the dance floor." If we want to find someone, we have to break out of our comfort zone and put ourselves out there.
     
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  19. Poofter

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    But, for those of us trying to figure it out later in life, what are steps to take. In my experience dating apps are simply for hook ups, the bar scene seems to love the twinks. So where does a middle aged man look? Is it inappropriate to ask a server at a restaurant if they are interested? Because you can’t make assumptions on how people look or act.
     
  20. Dionysios

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    That's a valid question my friend. It's much like straight dating. If someone is giving you the look, it might be an indication they are interested in you. Personally, I don't think I would hit on cute looking guys I just met unless there was some kind of signal.

    Do you live in an area with LGBT groups? I am not out completely, but hope to be in a couple of months. I then plan to drive a couple of hours to a large city where there are various meet up types of groups (dances, sporting activities, gaming, dinners, trips etc...) It's a long hall, but at least I will start connecting to forums where I am able to meet other guys. I may try an app or two, but not at the beginning. I prefer to meet people face to face in a normal setting. I hope this helps.Good luck!