Any older single people here?

Feel free to tell him about me--a person who is absolutely and positively unmarketable. Your friend might feel better about his situation.

 

Something I've thought of from time to time is the question of if there is or is not a "one and only." Part of me thinks that people could live "happily ever after" and all that crap with a large number of different people. It's just a case of whom one meets first.

And yet...sometimes I do wonder with some relationships if there wasn't something fated. Although the relationships that give me that feeling are rare.

 

Well. As much as I enjoy his company, I am trying to talk him into leaving this area. He won't find anyone in this rural environment. You have to play the odds too. Mr. Perfect won't come calling.

Sometimes, it's not a big change. He could transfer just a hundred miles away and be in a better place for meeting guys.

This one of the things that affects our ability to meet new people. We get stuck in what we feel is a safe and comfortable place. In reality, it is neither. "The hell I know yada yada...."

I'm pushing him as hard as I feel I can to go out and take a chance...get scared, get dirty, get hurt, become alive!

 

Well, it is possible he might someone if he stays where he is. But, yes, there is a lot to be said for being in a less rural environment.

It's an issue I've struggled with. My area is probably not a good area to be in for even making friends, let alone dating. My former therapist made it very clear he thought it would be a Good Thing if I moved. But...in my case, moving is not exactly a trivial matter for a multitude of reasons (cash flow issues are one major consideration).

 

I’m 50 as of November. I’m gay and out to a few friends and a few family members. I also have the problem of age difference gaps. I tend to relate to younger because I work for a school yet the ones that want to talk with me online are always way older than me so either way we aren’t from the same era and don’t see things the same way. Im also from Alabama which is about as repressed a place someone could be who isn’t the normal conservative straight baptist person. I have no gay friends to speak of so am left to my own devices for finding someone to chat with much less hang out with or anything deeper than that. I’m not the relationship type person because I enjoy living alone and being in charge of my own self, but damn it would be really nice to find someone my age that I had something in common with. Been trying for years but so far not successful. I have lots of friends of different ages but having one that was “like me” would make it a more pleasant existence if that makes any sense at all.

 

Sometimes leaving where you are presently just isn’t a realistic option. At least it isn’t in my case. I’m stuck where I am due to my job and having too many years in there to rock the boat. Plus at some point I’ll have to be doing more for my mother as she gets older as my siblings are useless. If I could go back as a teenager or in my early twenties, I would not be in the depressing situation I am in now.

 

Let me know if u ever find it. I also attract those that are nothing like me and nothing like I would consider even being associated with, much less friends with. Sad but true. Of the couple of websites/apps I have been on unfortunately 99.999% of guys there are just out for sex and nothing more.

 

This is the situation my sister is in....almost exactly. And, it really sucks. Finding a partner in her area is really difficult. She travels to find her community because is is something that she MUST do. After years of doing this, her friends travel to visit her and she makes it work. Is it easy? Not at all. It is definitely a challenge. My brother does something similar. He travels several hundred miles to a large city for gay weekends and has a core group of friends now there.

I live in a town of 20000 people and it is a redneck town. I might travel 100 miles round trip to get with my gay friends and my lover. It is just part of the price I pay to live in a rural conservative area. But, there are advantages to it that balance my life.

There is no one size fits all. I decided I had to put a priority of developing relationships with other gay men. So, I worked at it and worked at it and worked at it. I tried every single approach even visiting businesses where I knew the proprietor was gay just to strike up conversations. I attended Pride in cities near and far. I got on apps. I tried an LGBQT center in a town a 100 miles away. I tried a gay hiking group. I attended several gay ski weekends and a gay campout.

Now, I have, maybe 20 gay friends. I have a couple of lovers. I can be a gay man when I need to. There is nothing special about me. Seriously, I am just an ordinary guy and, in my opinion, not all that interesting or good looking. So, if I can do it (a 60 year old with a wife) you guys can do it too!!!!

 

You should consider an over the road trucker. Best thing about being with a trucker. They are gone long enough for you to miss them, and by the time you get annoyed with them they are climbing back in the truck to leave. sorry trucker humor couldn’t resist.

 

i also feel the same. i'm so used to being alone, i wouldn't know how it is to have a partner. however, i also do long for that feeling of belongingness. just to have someone by your side. i guess i'll never know.

 

If I may, your wording sounds like love is something you hope is going to happen to you, as opposed to something you have to actively seek for yourself.
Not that it's impossible for the person of your dreams to find you and sweep you off your feet, but the vast majority of people I have observed, are in the same boat as you: unsure, anxious about being rejected, busy in day to day lives.
You're likely gonna have to meet them halfway at least.
Only sayin...

 

So how old are you? Are you gay or bi? Just curious.

 

I understand many positions in this thread. For men, typically forming relationships is difficult. In my view I was programmed that way. Men lead, we don't follow. Relationships are give and take requiring following at times.

I do relate though . Growing up I was a bit of a introvert. Now, married and in the closet, I don't understand nor have the freedom to get involved with the gay community, to find gay friends, let alone lovers. Like many I use the online options and if I try to go deeper, inevitable it's over sharing hoping to make a connection and that closes a door. I also tend to be attracted to older men, so that even more so shrinks my options. Semi looked into Primetimers, but still as married no way how to be involved and do so secretly. I work from home my wife knows my every coming and going. I searched for way for pen pal, to no avail. I honestly more than sex want ability to open up to a man what I lock away from the world. Honestly even when I over shate, it feels so damn good to say I'm gay.

 

Are you out to your wife?

 

You didn’t say, but how old are you. Doesn’t matter was just curious as to how long you might have been married since you said you were attracted to older men. I had the same question as another in that I was wondering if you were our to your wife. I know two guys that are married and I think they are both actually gay but they tell their wives they are bi. One even says his wife is bi as well and they participate in three ways with other guys. I think that is how he is somewhat “satisfying” his gay urge without telling anyone he is gay. Anyway just curious was all. I’m single so at least that aspect isn’t one of my gay difficulties, although I have plenty of others.

 

Im 45 and I just came out to family and friends last year (2018).It was scary and relieving at the same time.I do notice that most individuals in the "community" are younger people 18-25.I sometimes feel like an old nobody.I definitley need to find other men for companionship and sex so Ill keep looking...

 

i'm in my late 30s. i'm gay.

 

i have this idealistic and fairytale book concept of love. i know it's unrealistic (and possibly borderline delusional) but i guess it's what i'm accustomed to. i know. excuses, excuses, and more excuses, but excuses.

i agree with what you said. i know i need action to get a reaction, but it's hard. well, at least for me. my insecurities have built a huge a wall. all the uncertainties, anxiety, fear of rejection, and the hustle and bustle of life are all part of that wall. so i guess, that's why i'm not really expecting anything.

 

You sound just like my lover. He could have written this. This is going to sound SO out there in a conventional sense but I'm going to toss it out there.

I have an younger, single, gay lover. I'm married and my wife is friends with him. He and I have a very special connection. But, we both know it is not sustainable with our age differences and my commitment to my marriage.

He is gaining confidence by the day! It is a beautiful thing to be part of. I know I'm going to lose him soon when he finds his guy and I am going to be so happy for him.

In the meantime, I drag him along and force him to meet gay men and to socialize. I know that it is hard to find a mentor and I am, for sure, a very unconventional one. But, maybe that's an option for you to engage in the gay community?

It doesn't have to involve intimacy either. Just someone to go with and get out there.

 

There is no exposure through the media and other outlets on how older people meet and mingle in the gay community.Its all been geared towards early 20-somethings who are flippant with their money.The buisness side of gay life is orchestrated by straights mainly who are open to diversity only if it means to make some $$$.So older gay bonding seems lifeless and boring.