Can gay and straight men be true friends?

@Joe2001 While hyphybum's experiences have clearly been negative, his comments are completely unjustified. No group in the world is all the same. My own experiences directly contradict hyphybum's comments in that some of my best and most supportive friends are straight people. It doesn't mean that all straight people are great friends, just as not all queer people are great friends.

As people have been saying here it is about individuals and you need to give people a chance. For example, even if a straight guy likes football that doesn't mean he is going to have any problem with you being gay or having a boyfriend. Especially, in your age group people are much more used to the idea and while your experiences may also have been negative so far, school is a highly pressured environment with very little choice of friends. But don't approach life thinking that because someone has interests that you would class as stereotypically blokeish that you can't be friends with them.

Also your dad and his friends are not a good example as they almost certainly will still see you as child and won't treat you equally anyway.

Oh and your friend may feel insecure about himself and how he fits in with your school that he acts they way he does. Not saying it is justified but you should think about why he acts the way he does.

 

No, making sweeping generalizations like this is extreme and you sound exactly like a homophobe who claims all gay guys are sissies who only care about make up, fashion, and other stereotypically girly stuff or that all lesbians are butch cat ladies. I know you've had shitty experiences with straight people before but don't act like your life experiences are the only valuable ones. You're saying all straight women are guilty for stereotyping gay guys and that they're all terrible people (the ones tjat do commodify us aren't good but tjey are by no meams the majority) when you're just as guilty for stereotyping straight guys.

 

I’m not like a homophobe. I’d appreciate it if you don’t compare me to them. Most straight men don’t feel comfortable around gay men. It’s a fact. Most straight men do not trust gay men. Most straight men see homosexual as weaker and lower to them. Also a fact.

 

The whole argument in this thread is ridiculous. I have never seen or heard of any reason why straight and gay people cannot be friends on the basis of their sexuality alone. Does this extend to Bisexuals too? Or have we been forgotten again!

Sure, I could possibly see the situation where, particularly at school for example, straight guys might be a weirded out by gay guys if they were doing the whole mincing/lisping/effeminate thing - because thats not something that many people can relate to and it can be a bit awkward to be around; but most gay people don't do that and if you do do that - you have to recognise that that is behavior you have chosen to do to stand out and not related to your sexuality.

I have had very few lgbt friends over my life and almost all of my friends have been straight - and none of them have had a problem with my sexuality on the basis of that alone.

Currently I share an apartment with 2 gay guys and a straight guy and there is no conflict. I also play in a hardcore/metal band with 4 other guys. I am Bi, the singer is Gay and the other 3 guys are Straight. Again, no conflict.


If there is any reason for conflict between gay and straight guys, it may be between stereotypes of lgbt culture and identity - the idea that you have to "be like this" or "dress like this" or "be into this kind of stuff". But again, that isn't about sexuality, it's about stuff you have chosen to do or be involved in or not be involved in. Friendships are based on having stuff in common, so that is where you will see solid friendships between gay and straight - not the stuff that neither can relate to.

 

A fact based on what may I ask? I know plenty of straight guys who are totally okay with gay people. A few of them are my best friends and we can totally trust each other (and yes I'm out to them), in fact, our friendship became stronger after I came out to some of them. Not sure where are you getting these weird facts from, but when it comes to most people I know I see no evidence supporting these facts of yours. If it's from your personal experience, it doesn't mean that it applies for everyone else.

 

Stop passing your assumptions of what you think other people think as fact. Homophobes use opinions and fake facts to try and insinuate that homosexuals are horrible people, you're literally doing the exact same thing only reversed and either way these prejudices go, it gets people nowhere.

 

Guess you had a better life than me.

 

Can you give some more detailed examples of what it is you are talking about? Because at the moment what you are saying about ALL straight people sounds hypocritical. You cannot say all of a group is like X because of a handful of people you have met.

 

I’m done talking here.

 

We get it, you've had a terrible experience with...it seems...everyone. But you need to realize that making sweeping generalizations is incredibly extreme. The guys that have stabbed me in the back the most are gay guys. The majority of my guy friends are straight, but not all of them. I have friends that are girls.

People are giving you evidence that what you're saying is completely untrue and instead you are just declaring that you're done talking. That does not create a healthy dialogue.

You can be friends with anyone as long as it's healthy. Straight guys can be friends with gay guys. Gay guys can be friends with gay guys. Straight men and straight women can be friends. Straight women and gay guys can be friends. Lesbians and lesbians can be friends. Lesbians and straight women can be friends. THE WORLD IS NOT ALL ABOUT SEX.

 

If you’re so sure, then why ask the question in the first place?

 

Wait a minute - you're not...you're not...Judas Priest, are you? ;-)

 

I’m not sure what you mean considering I have asked zero questions?

 

I’m restating the question. The question was can gay men and straight men be friends? If someone has to even ask this, then something clearly is not okay. Face it, some people share my opinion.

 

Well, that doesn't make it correct.

 

It's not that the question isn't valid, although the answer is obviously that gay and straight people can be true friends. However, given the homophobia that is present in society, it is fair enough for someone like @Joe2001 (whose 16) to ask given limited and/or poor experiences at school.

The problem with what you say @hyphybum is that you extend your negative experiences to every straight person and display a total hatred of all straight people based on that generalisation. That is why @kibou97 is right to say that you behaving in the same way that homophobes do. You are treating an entire group as the same and disregarding personal differences. I think people have made this point enough that you should get what people are saying. If you refuse to listen that's up to but spouting this general hatred of straight people helps no one.

 

The question was coming from someone who has limited life experience and legitimately wanted to know. Aka, asking other people for their experiences and there was a resounding “Yes.”

The reason for this is that homophobia is everywhere, you don’t know how people will react and expect the worst. One of the first people I came out to in college was a football player in high school, kind of a redneck and he was so accepting to the point where he’d tease and ask about guys in a caring way.

Yes, you have your opinion, but that does not make it fact. The fact is that straight guys and gay guys can be friends.

 

Not feeling the love in here tonight...

 

They’re not like us. They don’t think like us. When they look at us, a

its nice that you had those experiences. I didn’t so I have nothing good to say about them. I would rather associate with my own kind.

 

@hyphybum You continue to see things in terms of immutable attributes that you ascribe to entire groups which is unfounded and unjustified as people here have demonstrated. There is not 'their kind' and 'our kind' - we are all individuals and yes some people are as you describe but not everyone. Sexuality just doesn't count for that much in friendships unless you make a big deal out of it.