Gay guys and types of friends

I think that's a very dangerous assumption to make that girls are needy and are different from us, especially considering that (in the West at least) we are at the most progressive we have ever been. While it is true that girls have been socialised to act different from boys, those are all social constructs. More and more, we find that the personalities and the actions of women are becoming more divergent and diverse from the common held stereotypical views about them. As people become more aware that traditional gender roles are socially constructed and not something one has to abide due to fear of persecution or death, we will find that both sexes have a lot more commonality that we once thought.

Also, standards for gay friends... there are no standards... Literally, if people have standards for you being gay then that's their problem, not your problem. You should not assume that you do not meet the standards of being gay. "Gay" is a sexual orientation at its most core definition, all the other things we attach to it are just... artificial and unneeded. If you assume that you will fail and do not try, you will certainly do so because you would not have had a chance to try and succeed.

Just relax, become more comfortable in your own skin, take your time, no need to rush anything. You can become friends with anyone, but it takes a sense of self-reassurance and security first.

 

Hi Joe. I can understand why you feel the need to meet friends who are supportive of your sexuality, in case your family members do react badly and you need good friends that you can turn to.

Going back to the idea of coming out to more people at school - are there any people in particular that you think you can trust who might react in a positive manner to you coming out?

 

@Joe2001,

I would ask: What do you mean by’needy’? I have dated ‘high maintenance’ women who ‘expect’ certain considerations/niceties/gifts from the men that they date. I also know a lot of gay guys who are (understandably) ‘needy’ from an emotional perspective, needing to be constantly validated in their relationships because of what they went through growing up as gay men.

From my perspective neither men nor women have a monopoly on ‘neediness’ or even ‘high maintenance.’ We are, each of us, unique individuals. We have to try to understand and respect each other from that point of view.

Just my thoughts...

 

Very well said...have one str8 friend and he's married....very chill

 

How much longer do you have left at school? And what will you be doing after you finish?

 

I'm sure it will get better once you reach uni. I think that, instead of pressuring yourself with all these questions about what sort of friendships you should have, focus more on your education prospects. Really explore your options and find out what course will be best for you and what location you'd like to live and study in. You don't need friends to help you get into uni. In fact, it will be better for you to not have loads of friends when you finish school. You won't have to worry about leaving anyone behind and never seeing them again. You can be more excited about starting that new chapter in your life when the day comes that you go off to uni. Put the friendship questions aside for now and focus on your future career.