I’ve come to believe over the years that porn is nothing but a distraction from reality. But then so is masturbation. No risk, have it your way as a fantasy. Problem is, you’re still left empty and wanting something real. At some point, & it’s different for everyone, porn becomes a waste of life’s energy.
@wua thanks for your reply. Unfortunately despite what you may think is obvious, I still struggle with my sexual orientation.
Hi so How are you feeling? who do get crushes on beside sexual fantasies? Who do you find yourself drawn to?
Many of us struggled with our orientation as we journey towards our true sexual identity. In my case the heteronormative programming caused me years of doubt about my homosexuality. Working with a qualified counselor who understands LGBTQ issues helped me undo that programming which allowed me a clear picture of my sexuality.
Most of my sexual fantasies are about men. In public, I don't really notice men unless I'm drinking. I guess the effects of lowered inhibition. I do notice women. I would say to myself she's beautiful. The sexual desire is limited. I can get aroused but it feels forced. .
I do think I have a mental block in accepting myself. Stuck in limbo. Sometimes I feel I'm close and then my brain shut downs any homosexual thoughts and return to a state of denial. If I read my own posts, it's hard not to arrive at the conclusion that my sexual orientation is most likely gay, Wouldn't you agree?
No expert here but I think you are answering your own question. Based on what I read it would seem your gay but struggling with homophobia that is ingrained in us from early on. That makes our transition from “heterosexuality “ to homosexuality a somewhat difficult but not impossible journey. Keep questioning and exploring your sexuality and you will eventually arrive at the right spot.
For many years I play acted straight because I had buried my same sex attraction so deep due to all the heteronormative programming we are exposed to. When I was honest with my therapist I realized that I had always had crushes on guys growing up but buried them.
I tried to explain. I don't get crushes these days that fit the definition. Definition of crush: a strong feeling of romantic love for someone that is usually not expressed and does not last a long time
ah okay. I Also feel like there are difference where you post those posts. If you post on Reddit most people would Tell you that you are likely bisexual while here it seems like people are more likely to say gay. It is up to you to identify ofcourse. But I feel like alot of people think that bisexuality in men is rare while it is not. If you are caple of feelings just an inch of desire for the opposite sex then you are not 100 % homosexual.
I think I dated women because that what I was taught how it goes. Guys date and marry women. I don’t believe I ever crushed on women but I did believe I like them sexually. It was only years later I realized I was play acting deep down I really didn’t care for women at all. Crazy.
So being with a woman, touching her, kissing her, pleasing her was arousing at that time or something you thought?
I think for may, especially those whose sexuality wasn’t patently obvious, sex with woman was an accomplishable task. For some, it was even enjoyable. Speaking for myself, before I questioned my sexually I never had an issue being aroused by women or staying aroused during sex. I also very much enjoyed performing oral on women and that was a great turn on for me. However, numerous times it’s either took me forever to orgasm or I couldn’t at all. There could be a few reasons for that but one of them could ultimately be a lack of genuine attraction to women. Seeing as my interest in women and my ability to be aroused by them, at least in porn and fantasy as it’s been awhile since I’ve been to bed with a cisgender woman, has disappeared it could be that my interest/attraction to women was not as genuine as I thought. I don’t mean to speak for @Contented but it seems as though he experienced something similar once he acknowledged same sex attraction. This could speak to some level of bisexuality in theory but it seems as though a lot of posters on here have shared the same experience and either don’t get the arousal to women back or identify as gay because that is more fulfilling for them. This sounds like the case for @Contented, but again I don’t want to speak for him.
It was arousing simply because I didn’t know anything else. Once I was with another man I realized how much more aroused and passionate I was. After that my desire to be with a woman faded quickly. Nothing with a woman came close to what I felt with a guy.
Obviously that is up to you to identify. But I have known plenty of gay men who has never been Into women at all not even found them arousing at all in the their life. But I guess it is up to the one How they label Themself. We can all have similar experiences but one would classify it is a bisexual and other would classify it as homosexual.
