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Goodbye To Everyone & Myself

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by DeLuna, Mar 26, 2014.

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  1. DeLuna

    DeLuna Guest

    Idk why but every day is a challenge for me..I don't mean to be a mess or cry every 3 minutes......I mess up a lot of things, I even let down my parents
     
    #21 DeLuna, Mar 26, 2014
  2. aspie musician

    aspie musician Guest

    I have realized that sometimes its better to let it all out and let what happens,happen.

    ---------- Post added 26th Mar 2014 at 10:09 AM ----------

    I have gone through years(no exaggeration)of feeling like there is no hope.I managed to get out of it at some stage though.And will pull myself out of this as well.Do you want to know how I felt at 19?
     
    #22 aspie musician, Mar 26, 2014
  3. DeLuna

    DeLuna Guest

    I want to go to sleep, maybe it would be better if I never woke up....I'm honestly real tired..I don't have much fight left in me
     
    #23 DeLuna, Mar 26, 2014
  4. BookDragon

    BookDragon
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    Let's get a few things straight.

    1. You know EXACTLY why every day is a challenge, and so do we.
    2. EVERYONE messes things up. When you mess up you don't use it as an opportunity to punish yourself, you learn from it.
    3. You didn't let down ANYONE, your parents have let YOU down.

    I really cannot stress that last one enough.

    You sit here every day worrying that YOUR actions make things difficult for your parents. YOU sit here every day telling us how you want to be able to love and respect your parents. YOU are trying to be loving and continue a relationship.

    Your parents on the other hand have done the opposite. They've called you a fraud. They've said you are going to hell. They have done NOTHING to show you love at this time. The closest they have come to showing love is that you are still in their house - and given how abusive (yes, abusive, it is!) your home life appears to be, that isn't exactly an act of mercy.
     
    #24 BookDragon, Mar 26, 2014
  5. aspie musician

    aspie musician Guest

    Hang in there.You cant hide forever.I know all about hiding...trust me on this...but I am getting out of my shell more and more...

    ---------- Post added 26th Mar 2014 at 10:14 AM ----------

    I am going to ask you to trust me.Can you do that?

    ---------- Post added 26th Mar 2014 at 10:14 AM ----------

    Of course you can.
     
    #25 aspie musician, Mar 26, 2014
  6. DeLuna

    DeLuna Guest

    maybe I deserve the pain my parents make me feel, maybe I was not a good enough kid growing up
     
    #26 DeLuna, Mar 26, 2014
  7. CharlsOn

    CharlsOn Guest

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    Nobody deserves any kind of pain!!!!
     
    #27 CharlsOn, Mar 26, 2014
  8. aspie musician

    aspie musician Guest

    Chances are you were just different.I have felt that as well.I have felt like I can never live up to their expectations...Their expectations are not realistic though...
     
    #28 aspie musician, Mar 26, 2014
  9. Nick07

    Nick07
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    You need to grow up. For every adult, most of the days are challenging. You are responsible for your life and your happiness. Honestly, blaming your parents for your unhappiness is not fair. If I remember correctly, you came out to them a month ago? And you are already giving up?
    Transitioning is a years taking process with lots of obstackles. Are you ready for that?

    I believe you should find a therapist. A gender therapist or a "regular" one.
     
    #29 Nick07, Mar 26, 2014
  10. aspie musician

    aspie musician Guest

    These type of thoughts are really not rooted in reality.Deserving pain.Because of unrealistic expectations.Does that make any sense at all?Of course it does not.
     
    #30 aspie musician, Mar 26, 2014
  11. BookDragon

    BookDragon
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    A parents objective is not to cause pain. If you were a complete dick as a child, it is at least partially their responsibility.

    But you know what, even if you HAD been a complete and utter bastard-hell-spawn of a child, it wouldn't justify what you are going through.

    I know your parents are religious, but I don't know if you share that with them. But just in case you have essentially two options:

    1. Your parents are punishing you for being a dick as a child
    2. God is doing it.

    Or you get the third option. The realistic option. Your parents are just being shitty. You're not being punished for your past, your being made to feel like your present and your future are immoral. You are being made to feel like you are a great cause of suffering to them. Not in the past, but right god damn now.

    If your parents hated you as a child so much you would have been out as soon as you were legally old enough to be thrown out. They wouldn't be trying to change you into something you're not, you'd just be gone. If you caused them that much suffering in your life that you deserved this, they would not bother.
     
    #31 BookDragon, Mar 26, 2014
  12. DeLuna

    DeLuna Guest

    I came out 3 years ago to them..........idk what u think u read but ur wrong
     
    #32 DeLuna, Mar 26, 2014
  13. aspie musician

    aspie musician Guest

    In the end,you should do things for you...If you feel like you do not deserve it at the moment...then perhaps if you felt more free you would feel like you deserve it...shifting the blame is not a good idea either...not is blaming all the time...what does blaming accomplish?Not all that much and certainly nothing all that exciting...

    ---------- Post added 26th Mar 2014 at 10:38 AM ----------

    So whether you blame yourself,your parents,society(insert group here) does it accomplish something positive?It does not really seem that way.You could have done some really shocking things before and I still feel that you do NOT deserve to feel this way.
     
    #33 aspie musician, Mar 26, 2014
  14. Cass

    Cass
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    You shouldn't lie to yourself to please others. Everyone here suffers in some way because of not being accepted. But we all love you on here. And we are all here for you.
     
    #34 Cass, Mar 26, 2014
  15. Nick07

    Nick07
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    I am sorry.
    But you really can't make your parents responsible for your happiness. Respect them, yes, but live your life. Or make a decision to not transition because YOU see it as the best solution of your life situation. But don't say it's your parents' fault. It would be your decision - either way. Do you know what I mean?
     
    #35 Nick07, Mar 26, 2014
  16. DeLuna

    DeLuna Guest

    I understand what your saying I have to admit sadly......

    I have to be my own person
     
    #36 DeLuna, Mar 26, 2014
  17. aspie musician

    aspie musician Guest

    You also mentioned the word maybe I deserve...maybe I was not good enough....What good do all these maybe words do?The fact that you say maybe while feeling this way...means that it is bound to not be realistic.Also Nick mentioned this Respect them but live your life.Do you know what I realized today?The most respectful thing you can do right now,is to get out.It will be helpful to both you and your parents.

    ---------- Post added 26th Mar 2014 at 10:54 AM ----------

    My situation is different...but I realized that my dad is a shinking ship and will keep on sinking,and that the decision for my mom to stay/not stay with him is up to her ultimately...Letting go is freaking hard.But sometimes it is necessary.More often than we would like to admit.
     
    #37 aspie musician, Mar 26, 2014
  18. DeLuna

    DeLuna Guest

    How do I get out, I have thought about that many times but I have really no clue how I could truly emotionally and physically do exactly that

    ---------- Post added 26th Mar 2014 at 08:57 AM ----------

    Easier said than done, guys...... I would also be all alone
     
    #38 DeLuna, Mar 26, 2014
  19. AshleeLC

    AshleeLC
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    Ignore by choice of words, but f*ck your parents. Be yourself. Do your thing. Be you
     
    #39 AshleeLC, Mar 26, 2014
  20. aspie musician

    aspie musician Guest

    Hey...How do I get out question time...Okay I am up for the challenge(have experience with it after all).Firstly what is the biggest obstacle in your path?
     
    #40 aspie musician, Mar 26, 2014
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