What should I think about my bestfriend?

Thanks for your advice.

I have actually read your treat about your crush, you were REALLY brave. How are you now? I think you didn't end really well about your friend, but now you were trying something with a guy, right?

Well, I think I can't do the same as you right now because I don't really want more, you know, "drama". :icon_sad: I can't afford talking to him about my sexuality and my crush that easily. Even knowing he is really open minded to that kind of stuff now. I think it would be better just let things pass, right? :eusa_doh:

I realize after asking him to talk about my family problems he must not be that nice as I thought because he still didn't try to talk again about it. It's like he is avoiding me almost all the time letting the time pass. Well, I asked him today to have a dinner together or something and he tell me he has plans with his family (totally normal) But then, I tried to talk about random stuff but again he didn't reply any of them (maybe tomorrow he will). It's like I'm always the one who speak to the other first. :icon_sad: I must look desesperate :tears:

I'll try to go to the doctor this week because I almost can't sleep properly (although I have been taking pills for sleeping properly since 2 month ago).

Thanks for your advice, I will just try not think about all my problems and focus in other things

 

Well, today he just replied me to tell he's going to a trip tomorrow, so I guess we couldn't meet to talk in person about my family... I was really looking for meeting him to talk about it because I feel pretty bad and depressed about it. After realizing he needed me to give some documents for college, he started to make quick plans to meet just for that without asking if I can or something(well, he said "if you can, but I just can meet you a few hours because I have other things to do"), then one of our friends told him to meet for a lunch and my crush suddlenly changed the plans in onder to meet him just for trying giving him the documents, so he could give them to me. Also, the other friends just send me a message asking for notes of one subject we study. I feel a like bit used by them.

I'm in a really bad moment, have asked him for help but it's like I'm trying to talk to the rain or something. And all the time, I don't want to reproach anything to him because I feel guilty for just sharing my problems to him and not to other friend... and also I feel like I'm overreacting for everything (because he must not be doing everything in purpose, but I think it's normal asking for help to your friend after a traumatic situation, right? (Well, I guess our friendship is different and maybe I have exceed his limit) However, I must give up putting so much expects on him.:icon_sad::tears:

 

God, you really were. Telling something that important in person sometimes is really hard, so don't think you were not that brave because you did it though message.

Well, I don't think I could try telling him the "truth", but I'll get in mind what you say because this is not sane for me and it has to finish soon. Maybe I just have to focus in other person who will need more than him. But first, I will try to solve my "mental"problems" but I'm really scared about confronting them.:icon_redf:icon_sad: It's like I'm sick of something nobody see.

Thanks for your advices!

 

Well, this is going in circles....My friend treats REALLY GOOD when we are alone, but when we are with other people he only speaks to them (and he ALWAYS picked on them behind his backs, so I'm really tired of seeing him talking shit about everybody and then treats them better than me). Then when I text thim he merely text me just in order to ask me something for his intereses. I really feel sometimes used. I really think he doesn't deserve all the thing I do for him...he is always forgetting me and saying no if I ask him to just meet to do some random thing. So, I'm really tired -.-
But I also think that It's not fair how he treats me sometimes, but sometimes I think that everybody has his faults, so do I, and as friends I have to be patience with him, because I appreciate him. I want to not texting him or answering anything he sent me because seriously it's totally unfair for me. He is that person everybody knows for using his phone 24h. So, he is just ignoring me because he wants.

But well, I want to ask you all is my reaction a inmature one? I look really unsecure right? Or is my friend doing something wrong? What should I do? :eusa_doh:

(I really want to tell him I got some feelings for him, but I don't see that possible. We didn't even talk about my family problems, he didn't ask me anything about it...)

 

Hi guys!

Well, me and my friend had the talk about how distant he has been towards me the last weeks, he agreed and said sorry A LOT.

After asking him to talk about my family problems, we never had that talk, so I told him via message all the drama about feeling suicidal and just asking him for comprehension and affection, I feel totally naked right now :eusa_doh: But I trust him and hope he could almost understand I'm in a bad moment in my life and need a good friend near me.

oh! about his sexuality I'm still questioning because he keeps asking to our friend who come out as gay A LOT OF QUESTION ABOUT BEING GAY. What I found weird is that he asked me and other friend if a gay person could ever get a hard-on if they were sucked by a girl, we were like "well, it's like a straight man being sucked by a guy. maybe yes, maybe no". Two days later he asked to our gay friend if he ever gets a hard on while kissing a girl or intimating with a girl. I told him what kind of question was that, and he just said something like "it's just curiosity, it's interesting how human mind works for some people and not for others". So, I don't know what to think about him :eusa_doh:

what you think guys?

 

thanks for your reply

Well tonight we meet at one of our friends house with a lot of friends and we were drinking and laughing in the same sofa, and he suddenly put HIS HAND really fast down my butt (I was sat down near him) and I was REALLY SHOCKED like "wtf did you do :O ?". He totally touched all my ass. He was DRUNK, so he just laughed. But seriously I don't know what to think about him. Sometimes I think he is questioning himself, but sometimes I think he could be just straight....I really want to talk to him about this, but after talking about my suicidal feelings and that kind of things...it could be too much pressure for him.

:eusa_doh:

Also, yesterday I told him something really sexual that I have done, and he was REALLY FREAK OUT as he never did things like that, and I felt like he was making barrier between our normal sexual tension...I don't know if that make sense but I felt like that...:eusa_doh:

Sorry for my english... today it's not a good english day for me hahaha

 

thank you so much for you replies

Well, things are getting more and more weird between us in a really sexual way.

Today we spent a lot of time talking about our penis. AND GUYS NOW I'M GOING TO TALK ABOUT SOME EXPLICIT THINGS, so If you don't want to read it or something you can skip this hahahaha Well, I was talking to other friend (not my bestfriend who this treat is about) on sunday about not having any sleep from the night before and he told me "go outside and get a walk, today is a great day" and I replied "no, I would prefer watch porn over walking I'm tired", so he told me "go to youporn and enjoy yourself". So, some minutes later I send him a picture of my screen with youporn on. We laughed about it and that was all. BUT THEN I REALIZED that MY DICK WAS SHOWING IN THE PICTURE BECUASE THE REFLECTION OF THE SCREEN. So I was scared as fuck BUT when I meet THIS FRIEND he told me he had deleted the picture without telling him anything ABOUT THE REFLECTION, so AFTER THAT I told him about my dick showing in the picture. He said he didn't realize and he was REALLY overexcited about having a picture of my dick (the relation with this guy is really weird too, I don't know how I cast my friends hahahaha but that doesn't matter now).

Well, so today I told all this story to my bestfriend, and after being talking about our dicks around a hour I send him the picture as joke, and he was like "noo dudee!!! hahahaha wtf". So I insisted sending him the picture with differents clear filters in order to show my dick better. Well, it was pretty funny in that moment because I was also showing him pictures on instagram and suddenly I showed him the picture of the dick and he was like :eek: . I told him "but dude it's a handsome cock, ADMIT IT" and we joked aroud other hour about our dicks. It was pretty weird but it was funny. So, after showing him the picture by surprise more times he told me laughing "god, don't ask me again if your dick is beautiful, I don't like dicks" and told things like "god, I won't see the picture thought the telephone again so don't send me it again hahaha". So, after that I was like "omg, what I have done he is my friend and I have send him a picture of my dick". But he just told me really kindly "don't worry, I saw your dick and thats all! by the way it's a really awful dick hahaha" and we started again the jokes.

After that we said goodbye and I thought "well, he must feel unconfortable now about all of this, he would not reply my message now even in a worse way". BUT THAT WAS NOT WHAT HAPPEN. 4 MINUTES LATER OF SAYING GOODBYE he SENT A VOICE MESSAGE SAYING "I'M GOING TO MAKE A FOOD RECIPE WITH YOUR FUCKING DICK, YOU HOE! hahaha". So, he OPENED THE CONVERSATION IN ORDER TO SEE THE PICTURE AFTER SAY GOODBYE.
Then we talk about the picture and he said "but men, it's really hard to realize that your dick is showing in the real picture without a filter" and I told him "SO YOU SAW IN DETAIL THE PICTURE, YOU NASTY BOY" and he just laughed.

Well, after that I thought "well, now you should stop all this sexual thing becuase he must feel unconfortable" and I changed my profile picture and said to him "do I look pretty now ???" and he said "you look as ugly as your dick hahaha". That made think that he doesn't matter talking about this sexual issue because he is bringing back the subjet again. So, I told him "god, I wake up some minutes ago and I was really hard, it looked so big hahaha" and he told me "DUDE STOP TALKING TO ME ABOUT YOUR DICK, I HAVE ENOUGH FOR TODAY, HAHAHAAHAHAHA". He really send "hahahahah" as his "stop talking about it" was a joke, so I told to him "god, when you said that I felt pretty bad like "god what I have done"" and he just said "that's because youre a nasty hoe hahahaha you forced me to see your cock, you're a hoe and I'm a lady who is pure as white, you're always perverting me :tears: hahahahaha" and then we started to talk about other subjetcs.

So, RIGHT NOW EVERYTHING IS PRETTY WEIRD TO ME. Tomorrow I have to give him back some clothes he gave me and I'm going to give him with the clothes a CONDOM and a tube of lube and other random things as a joke because once he told me he LOVES JERKING OFF with a condom (yeah it's pretty weird). I would like to give him those sexual things in order to increase the sexual tension between us.

And that's what happened today...and also we talked about my mental problems and he was REALLY SUPORTIVE and told me that everything will be alright and that kind of things. So, today was a pretty "good" day between us. we even talked about threesome, at first we're like "oh I don't know if I would like near me a guy totally naked" I told him "YOLO, we must don't worry about that kind of stuff. I don't really mind, it must be pretty enjoyable" and we stayed quite like two seconds and he said "well, in deed you don't really have to interact with the other guy if you are in a threesome, I would prefer doing with a stranger guy, not a friend".

what do you guys think? What should I do now? Sorry for ALL MY GRAMMAR MISTAKES, if you see some really bad and awful mistake tell me, I would like to improve my english too

 

Maybe he feels uncomfortable, I don't know...but he was joking all the time and laughing and sending a voice message about my dick after leaving was really weird from him, he never did text me or send me voice message after leaving normally.
I felt more like he was unconfortable about having that kind of "sexual" thing more materialized between us over being uncomfortable for seeing my cock, but it's truth that seeing friend's genital in general it's uncomfortable for everybody hahaha.

I have thought about what you say but after watching porn in my flat around a hour or more with us really horny in that moment the last september, I think that's almost possible but I don't know when that could happen because he almost never come to my place when nobody is home, so do I to his. So, time will tell. Maybe I should tell him to compare our dicks or something like that in a bathroom and see how things go???? Is that a good idea?

Thanks for you reply ^^

I have rembemr when I told him all my problems about feeling suicidal and that kind of depression things I told him "thanks I love so much <3" and some day later I thanked him for being my friend and my biggest support and again I told him "love you dude!". He replied everything but he didn't reply the "i love you" back. I find that weird because he did it before but not now. Does that mean something?

 

Well, I said comparing penis because we are ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT IT. But maybe I should think about what you said, the next week we're going to go to a apartments with other friends and maybe me and my bestfriend would end sleeping in the same room REALLY DRUNK. So, maybe some things could happen, but I don't know.

And some days ago I told him I spend a lot of time masturbating (I last around one hour or more). So I told him "Well, I should have to schedule when I jerk off". So, yesterday I told him I wanted to go to the gym before meeting him and then I'll have 2 free hours. And he started to tell me "oh, you should jerk off in that moment, 2 hours of gym, one hour of really good porn, and then meet me". He really insisted about it. Then, I send him picture of the screen with the porn, and when we meet infront of my other friends he asked me "did you go to the gym? and after that...what did...you do?"(and put a nasty face). I just laughed.

I don't know what's going on. I still did't give him the "Sexual things" but I have plan to give to him on sunday because we are going to meet alone.

 

Oh god, I won't do anything without his consent. What I want to mean it's maybe we would feel horny or something in that moment and with all our consents something could happen, but I guess nothing is going to happen

 

Hi again,

There are some news between my best friend and me. Well, yesterday everything got REALLY BAD. But I'll start from the beginning. AND THIS WILL BE REALLY LONG, SO GUYS ...sorry about it :eusa_doh:

I gave my bestfriend the sexual thing I told before and he was really glad but at the same time he was like "wtf dude?? haha you are giving me things to masturbate". BUT HOWEVER that day was my birthday and he gave a fucking TENGA EGG (research if you don't know what it is, IT'S A SEXUAL TOY). So, I thought "he is totally into this sexual tension between us". He left my house and then I told him how it was using the tenga. Everything was fine but then I told him "oh, tell me when you used the things I gave you, and let me know how it was I love this kind connection between us " and he said "oh no, I'm not going to tell you when I'm using it, that's too much hahaha I don't like that kind of things" and then I think I made a joke about some random sexual thing and that's all. I felt like he felt uncomfortable in that moment but it was pretty normal, blame on me

Well, after that we went with other friend to the apartment that week. Because I get really easy overwhelmed when I'm with a lot of people because of my low low esteem, I was feeling a little bit down. But I try to make my best. I ask him to give me a hug before going there (because I was feeling bad the day before too) and he told me "okay I'll, don't worry". But in the apartments he didn't and when we were going to sleep, everything was fine until we had to choose where we should sleep.
I was looking for somethings in my bag and I heard him talking to a friend outsite saying "oh I have to sleep with (my name), you know what...I don't want because..." and he started to talk in a low tone. I was REALLY DISAPPOINTED because if something is wrong between us he has just to tell me I will understand. So I left that spot as soon as posible.

After that, I thought "he must felt uncomfortable about sleeping with me because all the sexual tension, but why he told some unknown reason about me to that friend (a friend who he REALLY dissed some month ago), he really trust her more than me?". Well, I tried my best so I told him and that friend "oh, I'm really tall, so me and him will be really uncomfortable sleeping there because we together won't fit here, you should sleep together, she is really small so she couldn't be a problem.". I felt TOTALLY SHITTY IN THAT MOMENT because WHY my best friend told her some "unknown reason". I felt also like he told her about our sexual tension or something (because I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT HE TOLD HER). Well, the next day I felt really bad and really overwhelmed with everybody, because I felt like I coudn't get into the rithm of their conversations, jokes and that kind of things, so I spent all day almost quiet. I tried my best but I think I didn't work.

Well, some days after that we hanged out with those friends. I felt like he was really ignoring me. So, I thought "I feel ingored but I got a really low esteem so I must try to ask him something and see how it goes, it must be my imagination". But I asked him some random question and he answered looking to the other friends :eusa_clap So, that how it goes, but I must said that when we are with those friends I almost didn't said anything because I felt like I can't contribute anything to the conversations, so it's normal he didn't look at me. After that the rest of the other friends started to leave the party, and when we went to a club it was just me, him and other girl. We were in a club and the girl started to talk to some random guy , so I tried to speak to him about my problems and how I couln't tell my mother about seeing a therapist (the next day I told my mother about feeling depressed). He was really supportive and gave a really long hug because I asked him. After that, we left the club and he was walking in front of me and he moved his hand to my crocht and almost touched. I was like "dude, you almost touch my dick" and he said "that's what I tried hahaha". So, I was really confused.

But yesterday, we hanged out again with those friends. Although I didn't feel totally well around them I'm trying my best because they're not such a bad people or something. Again the same things started to happen so I felt bad and I asked him by a message phone "please...could you give me a hug after this?" and he just looked at me like "okay". We went to a club again and we were having fun but I started to felt anxiety and tried my best to pretend that I was fine. So, after that we left the club and I walked with him to his house alone. We hugged and said goodbye, but I was feeling really bad almost without knowing why (I guess it was because of all the social interaction though the night). So, after leaving I texted him "dude... can you go out again and talk with me...I'm feeling bad" and he texted me like "well, it's really late, I dont. I can't go outsite again, I'm in bed...why are you feeling bad again...?".

So I told him I think I didn't fit them, and he started to told me that's because of I have a huge fucking low esteem, (he was really cold saying these things). So we started to talk about these kind of things and he told he was feeling sick about me because I'm always trying to force us to get alone to TALK ABOUT MY PROBLEMS. Then, he told he has been feeling uncomfortable all this time with me because he tell me all the time to go to a therapist because I got a real mental problem that has solution and he feel like everytime we meet people "everything seems fine until we're alone because I force everything to talk about my depression problems, like I premeditated everything to finally talk about it. that he has been always telling me the solution in the better way but I never do anything about it, so I'm always in the same spot". So, after that I GET WHAT HE TOLD TO THAT FRIEND in the APARMENTS and probably he told her "I don't want to be alone with him because he is frustating me with his problems". I felt bad but I understand what he said because he must be feeling really frustrated because of seeing me always depressed and don't to anything about it (I can't assimilate easily). He said he didn't know what to do with me because of this and he then told me he also was feeling like I'm forcing us to avoid those friends in order to talk about it. I told him he is my best friend so I TOTALLY PREFER speeding time with him because I can feel TOTALLY CONFORTABLE around him and I can control better the conversations and this kind of things. I asked him if he was feeling frustated about me and him being alone because of this, what does he want to do about meeting together? After that, he didn't reply anything, I guessed he felt sleep because it was REALLY LATE. So, I texted him to excuse me because I didn't know he felt like this and I'll find a psychologist asap this week, and also that I want him to know I considered him my best friend and the person who I had trusted more than anybody, so I hoped that this wouldn't be a big deal for our friendship.
And told him I don't want that my problems would be a taboo issue between us because although I went to a therapist this woudn't easy. He replied me today that he fell asleep becaus he was really tired in that moment and also to do not worry about it because our friendship is a "real friendship" but he was feeling forced to talk about my problems all the time and also this have not to be a taboo issue because I need time to heal my problems. Then, he said he was feeling scared because I'm forcing my problems to be our friendship center. I told him that it's fine, I understand him and that I'll do my best.
After some hours later I sent him a random picture to broke the "tension" of the discussion, but he didn't reply me after my message. So I guess he need his spaces.



BUT THAT'S NOT EVERYTHING. That day I saw him with the mark of a disco in his hand and told him "what's this?" and he hid REALLY FAST his hand and told me "that was nothing". Then, we were walking and he told me "oh I'm not feeling good, my stomacch is aching" So I told him "oh why?" and he said "I don't know" (you will know why)....Well, I thought that everything was pretty normal but in the night when we met these friend the gay friend I have been talking about in previous post disclosed that the night before they went to a gay club together with other gay classmate and they had drunk A LOT OF ALCOHOL and my best friend said "oh god, this mornning I felt like shit because of that" (Oh and they didn't say anything about it until that moment about that plan). I was really dissapointed because, why again he was hiding things to me and also I felt a little bit confused because he went to a gay club with these people. However I guess that maybe that plan happened without premeditation and that was because they didn't invite anybody.

So, that's almost everything... please guys...but do you think?? I'm REALLY CONFUSED because I think I have messed everything but I'll do my best to face my mental problems because that should end as soon as posible. But I don't know what to think about my friend and all this gay tension...

Also I should said that some days before one hot friend (a girl) met him in front of us and everybody was like "god, fuck her, she is flirting with you, you look so cute together" and he was like "time will tell I wish, we will meet some day to do take pictures". So, I don't know what to think.

please tell me what you all think about this TT.TT :icon_sad::tears: