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Starting up with new therapist

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Tightrope, Jan 11, 2023.

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  1. mnguy

    mnguy
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    I hope it works out great for you. Is your goal to reduce mental health issues, help getting into a ltr, unsatisfactory life, how would you describe what's not working for you? I think that's from a shrink I had and he'd say most is working well for me, which was true and good to hear it from his perspective. Good luck!
     
    #21 mnguy, Apr 28, 2023
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  2. Tightrope

    Tightrope
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    Thank you for the feedback.

    From paragraph 1, I don't think the last guy made notes later; if so, maybe 1 to 3 sentences, at best.

    From paragraph 2, not so much social media as much as White Pages and data broker sites like that, because they are toward the top and could even be mixed in with provider reviews. I chose to click and look. The social media might show up further down.

    We talked about this yesterday at the beginning because the first session ended with goals. The goal is to make peace with myself about a lot of things, or should I say different chapters - and that's where "tightrope" came from.
     
    #22 Tightrope, Apr 28, 2023
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  3. mnguy

    mnguy
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    That sounds very worthwhile and I hope whoever you work with can help in ways that work for you. Have you discussed being single and your Kinsey number? Hmm, I've wondered if one of your chapters was working in a circus as a tightrope acrobat, so the intrigue continues :wink: You got this and we're here to help however we can.
     
    #23 mnguy, Apr 29, 2023
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  4. Tightrope

    Tightrope
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    We just started up. We're talking about other things right now. We'll get to that soon or it would be pointless.

    The last one wanted to know at the end of the first session ... and then NEVER worked with any of this information. It seemed like he asked this questions just because he wanted the "dirt" on people. He did nothing with this topic. The therapist before him did and said that all therapists who work with couples and individuals should be capable to handle relationships, sexuality, and sex of all kinds.

    I have never given a number. I just tell them what I've thought and what I've done and they can figure it out. They should be able to better than I can.
     
    #24 Tightrope, Apr 29, 2023
  5. mnguy

    mnguy
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    Interesting, I often wonder how many of them are familiar with the Kinsey scale. I told the two I've been to that I was gay in first session since that and all of society's hate was likely related in one way or another to my wish to not be. You really analyze these people in ways that sound hard to find anyone compatible.
     
    #25 mnguy, Apr 30, 2023
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  6. Tightrope

    Tightrope
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    Do I have your permission to laugh just a little about the last line?

    It can be easier than we think to tell who may not work out. It's good that we can preview them on their websites. Maybe. Maybe not. Therapy is so important. I don't want to work with some who is conservative and religious and I don't want to work with someone who is much younger and most of their ideas would be way too out there for me. I also don't want to work with a woman therapist. I've gotten different feedback on this and if one therapist who was very effective said "no," then I'm going to err on the side of caution. I have had short stints with women therapists who I could tell weren't in my corner and there were some I didn't feel comfortable with and dropped fairly soon.

    When you go into therapy and 2 to 5 sessions tell you it's not a good fit, that's time that was wasted and you have to start over. That can be draining.

    There's a lot to unearth for me like things with family and experiences at school and at work. I will be getting to all the topics. In a way, I am glad that he didn't ask about sex and sexuality issues on the first visit. It means he respects me and my pace more than the last therapist. I've known some people - not many - who I know or think were GLB and never worked on these concerns and difficulties they may have had while in therapy. Those issues could have partly been caused by being part of a sexual minority.
     
    #26 Tightrope, Apr 30, 2023
    Last edited: Apr 30, 2023
  7. Chip

    Chip
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    That's really unfortunate, as, for a competent therapist, their spirituality or political affiliation will not affect how they "show up" for clients. I worked with one individual who spent a significant part of every session telling me how Obama had personally ruined his life and forced his company out of business and how awful Democrats were. He never had the slightest idea that I was a flaming liberal. And I have worked with many brilliant therapists who are conservative Christians, or conservative Republicans, or flaming Democrats, but their clients would never know that.

    That is particularly unfortunate, because the very fact you aren't willing to work with one tells me there's grist for the therapy mill there that would likely be very useful to work through with the right female therapist. It also makes it harder since about 80% of therapists are female. I was initially more comfortable with a male therapist, but when I went back to him after a break, he referred me to his female colleague, who I saw for 5+ years... and that remains probably the most valuable therapy experience I've had. I've had, I think, 2 male and 2 female therapists. Competence and even approach are not correlated with therapist gender, though there are issues that clients can work through in different ways , depending on the therapist's gender. (This is more true for therapists working in the psychdynamic realm, but can come to play in almost any therapeutic realm.)

    Age can be somewhat of an issue, but many younger therapists are incredible. Again, age isn't correlated (at least according to pretty voluminous research) with skill or even therapeutic rapport with clients. It is the therapist capacity for attunement and rapport, first, and their capacity for critical thinking and analysis, second, and their therapeutic training/orientation, third, that are the best predictors. What therapists are learning in school in the 2000s is a *lot* more valuable to actually helping clients than what therapists were learning in the 1980s and 90s. We have a much deeper understanding of the role of family-of-origin issues on mental health outcomes, how these factors affect brain chemistry, and trauma awareness than therapists trained 20-30 years ago have. Of course, some therapists continue to educate and update themselves post-graduation, but many do not.

    Absolutely true. But therapeutic rapport has a lot more to do with therapist personality than it does with age, sex, experience, or even (surprisingly) training.

    I would also disagree that any therapist is competent to handle couples therapy; that requires a very specific skillset that takes time to hone and develop. And I'm on the fence about sexuality. I don't believe going to a gay therapist is a necessity for an LGBTQIA client, but I do believe that a therapist should have competence in that area, and it is not well covered, even in 2023, in most therapist graduate education programs. That said, most therapists are going to run into LGBTQIA clients, so they should develop competence. But many don't put the energy in to do so.
     
    #27 Chip, Apr 30, 2023
    Last edited: Apr 30, 2023
  8. mnguy

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    Haha yes, I was a bit worried it might offend, but hoped you see the humor in it! It's good to pick people you think you'll work best with. I was lucky that both I've tried I was comfortable with and wanted to bring up being gay and all that just to let it out I suppose. Keep at it and you'll figure it out. You're a smart guy with a lot of good things going for you :slight_smile:
     
    #28 mnguy, May 1, 2023
  9. Tightrope

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    I think I'm up to the third or fourth session with the new therapist. Today, he gave me the results of my Beck anxiety inventory.

    He writes things down. We discussed some things that have happened in greater detail and he acknowledged that it amounts to a serious situation. He seems to be supportive and I walked out of the session feeling okay - not overjoyed and not beat up, so that's good.

    Today, he also mentioned that the shaping of a younger person's self-esteem is greatly affected by how they were treated by their parents and the siblings that came ahead of them and were older.
     
    #29 Tightrope, May 22, 2023
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