Starting up with new therapist

It's a new year and a psychologist I'd been considering in the past is accepting new patients.

The last one that I kept most of the way through the pandemic was not a good fit. It was my fault for keeping him but I did keep looking. It was his fault for not trying as he was toward the end of his career, wasn't in my corner, and seemed to just want to keep me on as a client.

I'm starting up sooner than I thought. What would be some things you would need to clear up and get to fairly fast - in addition to sexuality? I also wanted to bring up that I feel the past therapist was not a good fit - there weren't many to choose from - and I believe he did some damage. I say this about damage because I often think about what a jerk he was. I think of the therapist I had before him in a positive light because he taught me a lot about myself and ways to look at things.

Should I bring this last therapist up and how? It will be something I will also need to work through.

 

Thank you for all the advice. Okay. I see that everyone has weighed in that I should bring up the last therapist. I will.

I will still need to work on all areas, and they can "go there" with me. This last therapist went into the sexuality area by the first session and then didn't do much with it. I think he was nosy because it was a single adult going to therapy on their own. He just wanted to keep billing, I guess, as he got closer to retiring. I wanted to address a lot of issues. The therapist I had over 5 years ago worked on things with me as we went along. He said that when I got a new therapist, most of them should be able to work on issues that involve relationships and sex and sexuality because it's in their schooling to become psychologists and they'll see it in their offices. Not this last one. I think that if they have a big couples and family counseling base, they might not be the best with single people.

A lot has happened in a week. I was supposed to go to therapy in the afternoon late last week but got a call in the morning that they were going to cancel it. I saw the caller ID and had a feeling it wouldn't be good.

As I said, I have tried to get with this therapist before and now he was taking on new people. It turned out to be the same issue as before. When I get into my medical and insurance site, their offices (it's a group with several offices) show that they take the insurance. The woman from the specific office who called me explained to me that they run into this problem every once in a while. The glitch is that not every provider in each office takes different insurance plans and groups, and the one I wanted to see did not. That's exactly where it stood a couple of years ago! Yet the woman who called me last week from the central office looked at all my intake stuff and said "you're good to go" for the appointment.

Their central office called me just this morning to follow up and line me up with another therapist. I'll look into them. You can tell a lot from reading their bios and what they focus on, and even their photos. She was understanding when I explained that I can get a good feel if it's a fit when I look at what they have on line and she respected that.

I will start looking again next week and may go out of network. I will have to hit a deductible and then the copay amount kicks in, so it makes a lot of sense to get started earlier in the year.

 

Thank you for your detailed post. This stood out. This is sort of what this last person was like and any input came about if the area touched one his pet areas. Then he would emote. Only then.

The telehealth situation allowed for waived copays during the pandemic. I'm glad I didn't have to pay for the radio silence and lack of progress during that period.

 

Thank you for the input. I agree. The fit has to be there and they don't need to be your friend. They should not be your friend.

I went through a lot to find the one I had. In the first year, there were some red flags. I was often returning to the directories and my insurance portal to look for a new one. I kept seeing many I didn't want to work with and a few I liked that didn't take my specific plan from my large insurer, so I kept attending sessions.

I don't like telehealth all that much. The only good part was not having to drive 20 to 30 minutes to get there and zero copays because of not going in.

I've got some criteria and then it has to match up with insurance. Darn. I'm even thinking of an out-of-network provider where there's a higher copay because my gut tells me he might be a good fit and his reviews are also good.

 

It was a way to stay connected. Especially during covid and the beginning of it when there was a state of panic in the air. He seemed more disconnected during telehealth sessions as he was sitting at his home.

I can tell you what it looks like money-wise. With my plan, copays are $40 per session, with no deductible for the year. If I go out of network, copays will be $60 after hitting a $1,000 deductible. I'm starting to think my mental health is more important than a $1,000 deductible and I usually don't run up much in the way of medical and medicine bills during the year. That's how I am looking at it at this point.

 

I have dragged my feet but just made the call to another therapist (got voice mail). This is the one I contacted about a year ago, was full, and I'm trying again. He is out of network, so copays will be more.

Yesterday was one of those days that left me wondering how I got through it. A very bad one. Thank you, sertraline and bupropion. Thank you to the folks on the forum.

 

I had my first therapy appointment today. It went well. I got a better feel from this provider than the one I last had and kept during the pandemic who sent up red flags soon.

I asked some initial questions to try to ensure there wouldn't be countertransference and resentment issues. He asked me what I'd like to accomplish and how I've been feeling over the last few months or so. I also told him about the last therapist and he said he doesn't know that provider in a different part of the city. He agreed that being contradicted and judged is not what a person wants as a client. I went through an overview of what has happened in my life. All in 50 minutes.

I have a few sessions scheduled going forward. He's out of network, but if he works out, I don't care about that. We agreed that we will fill in the chapters of what has happened in future sessions.

This is the hard part. I've been away from therapy for about a year and a half. Even though the session went well, I left feeling absolutely exhausted, like I was going to collapse. It was the last appointment slot in the day for him and I went to get dinner in a fog and then home to lay down. I don't understand why I would feel this way.

 

I think this could be a big part of it and it was my first session, so I didn't know what he'd be like and how the session would be. In a way, it's like that feeling after finals at the end of an academic term or meeting a difficult deadline at work. You feel relieved but also down. I sometimes get a little sick after stuff like this but bounce back fairly quickly.

Thank you for the good thoughts and wishes.

 

I wanted to wait until today's session which was the second one. The first session was draining because I just met the new therapist. Today's session was draining because we started going into my history and you're whisked back to the past. We're going to break it up in smaller chunks with less detail for the next few sessions. At the beginning of the session, he did a few more intake things. At the end of the session, I filled out a Beck Inventory form. I had to put in values from 0 to 3 next to statements. I didn't mind.

I feel comfortable with him so far. His office feels like an old shoe, but it's not an old place. It's not intimidating.

He writes some things down. The last one didn't write anything. That was sort of weird.

I wanted to clarify the part about asking personal questions. When I looked for reviews next to their names, other personal data sites came up and I clicked a few times and got to see some specific info about them and their families. The last one also had open social media accounts, which are supposed to be buttoned up. They weren't. It's hard not to look. You're right in that I border on being terrified by countertransference. It ruins the trust and wipes out a lot of the work. The last one and the one in the late 2000s might say something about their personal situation or their opinions about things around us and over a few years, I was able to get a good idea about their overall stand on many things and that it might not have been a good fit. I was able to see their values. The questions I ask are usually if they can work with people raised in old fashioned religious homes and maybe whether they have kids. Some have kids' photos on display so I don't ask. I also ask about their approach to therapy and if they will not be shocked by some graphic explanations and cursing. They may not remember what they've said over time because they have different clients. For me, they're the only provider I'm working with, so I will remember the different things they've said and it can look like getting pieces for a jigsaw puzzle.

They've all been psychologists. My insurance doesn't list as many LCSWs. The one I had about five years ago had a doctorate from a local school and was great. I forgot to mention one I had around '09 and '10. He had his master's and was starting his doctoral studies in about a year. He was much younger than me. He was very supportive because he was just a kind person and I don't think that a doctorate or time will change that. It's the last one that was the absolute worst with his contradicting and faces he'd make, but the pandemic came. I'm largely responsible for NOT going out of network to widen my options when I should have.

With this new therapist, we've now sort of decided on the day of the week and time I'd like to have sessions in the future. Let's see. I'm hoping for the best.