I wish I didn’t feel anything sexually

I hope you are correct but I doubt it. Not that I’m a big fan of BMI but what would your current BMI be?
Being happy with your appearance should never be about starvation, there is nothing healthy about that. If you are exercising (which you said you were) and you are not over eating (which you are not) then it cannot possibly be a healthy situation. As for constantly thinking about food, if you weren’t starving yourself then perhaps you wouldn’t be constantly thinking about it.

As long as you are happy to work with them then I’m sure the therapist has methods that can work for you. It’s not going to be a quick or easy fix but when you get there it will be worth it.

 

You are not going to want to change your habits though because in your mind as you see it you need to lose weight. Do you not think your parents are just looking out for you?

 

100% per cent what Rain said.

Perhaps you think you know best, Danielle. But I know people who have either had anorexia and/or have self harmed and I'm sure Rain and others who have been on this thread do too. We've all witnessed that it never ends up well. It always results in hospital visits, tears, pain and heartache for both the individual involved and their family.

Any therapist worth their salt will say exactly the same thing.

Beth

 

Look, I know that sucks when your parents act like they’re mad at you when you just want to talk to them about something that concerns you. My parents did that a lot, and I didn’t want to tell them anything either.

It’s more than a decade since I’ve became a parent myself… And you know, I can’t blame them. Yes, the kind of reaction you described is absolutely, totally wrong. But please do try to see the other side of it - they’re shocked, hurt, angry at themselves… They want to help, but they don’t know how to or might not even completely understand what the actual problem is. They see that something isn’t right, that something is bothering you - every parent sees if their child has troubles. Please, try to talk to them - they need it as much as you do.

And your eating habits alone are a big deal, even if you might not see it that way at the moment. I mean, you actually wrote that you are pretending to eat - and that’s a big red flag. Don’t take my word for it, look it up, you’ll also find other things mentioned in those same articles that you’ll surely recognise.

I’m sorry if I sound as if berating you, me and everyone here is on your side - we all just try to help. Rain, Beth and @silverhalo are right, and deep inside, I’m sure you know that.

 

There's nothing wrong with having 'goals' for your body and how you look. And there's a lot of satisfaction to be had in achieving them. But what you don't want is to get there only to find maintenance is a battle, and the way you're going about it is probably going to be where you end up. If you starve yourself until you are whatever body fat % you desire, you're going to have such a low metabolism that you're constantly tired and your body will tell you to eat, and when you do eat, which inevitably you will, you are going to put on body fat quickly.

I know I've said similar before, but you need to lift weights and eat close to maintenance calories, with as much of that being protein as you can tolerate.You want to see the scale dropping by no more than 1 or 2 pounds a week. You don't want to be seeing big falls in your weight, slow and steady is the goal. The idea is to keep hold of as much muscle as you can while losing fat, via resistance training and high protein. You will look slimmer at a higher bodyweight than you will by starving yourself, which will leave you looking 'baggy'. The goal should be lean but with a high metabolism so that you don't put weight back on again quickly. If you lose it quick by starving, you lose muscle & fat together. Then when you regain, you regain just the fat and that muscle is gone for good. I have seen so much of this with fellow gymnastics girls over the years, weight going up and down like a yo-yo and them getting steadily less happy with how they look.

 

Have you ever told them that you would rather discuss things privately?

 

You won't get big without eating a caloric surplus. Look at what anyone in a gym actually does if getting big is the goal, it is far from easy. They eat lots and they lift heavy. In a deficit, the most you'll do is get a little bit of muscle tone but that'll only happen while you have easily accessible excess fat and once that is gone, significant muscle growth will only happen while eating a surplus. Eating so little is a recipe for disaster.

 

It’s cool we don’t have to talk about it. I hope together with your therapist you manage to find a way to work through these problems.

 

And if you ever decide you want to talk about stuff. Feel free to post on my wall or start a new thread.

 

Nothing wrong with having sexual feelings