How I went from straight to gay in a span of just a few months

Hay Justin, thanks for sharing with us. Yeah it can be a difficult roller coaster ride, but meaning that you are gay, doesn't change who you are. I also hate shopping, so much so I dread it every time my hubby says we have to go into a shop. I usually had a small list, went in, got only those things as quick as possible and get out as fast as possible, If I spend 15 minutes in a shop, I felt it was 10 minutes too long! I still am like that, yet now and then I sometimes get this urge to go shopping, if only window shopping, still don't know where that comes from, and still working on that part.

I am also exclusively friends with guys, I love extreme sports though I'd only watch rugby or football when it's in a finals and guaranteed to have a few "eye candy" to look at, further, I really don't care who wins or what ever.

I guess what I'm trying to say, that even though you are gay, you are the non feminine type like me, and also many out there. Anyway, really, thanks for sharing, I know it will help all the other guys out there that's still new to all of this. At least be glad you moved along so quickly, hell it took me 10 years to come to terms with being gay!

 

I can't believe I missed this thread before... Just wow. Thanks for sharing it, I'm sure this will help a lot of people. It was one of the best things I've read on here.

And like Ianthe I'm also wondering about coming out to your housemates, how did it go?

 

Wow nice thread. Im currently going through the whole 'being brave, stop hiding and actually deal with how i feel' stuff atm and i have to say it brought a tear to my eyes (which is very rare) so thank you for sharing

 

These kinds of stories always unnerve me for some reason. I have trouble wrapping my head around how someone could apparently have "a great relationship with a lovely girlfriend" for many years and then retroactively declare those feelings null and void, as if they never happened. Did you two ever have sex? Did you enjoy it?

I am curious to hear what the extent of the OP's actual attraction to women was and whether he still sees female beauty (or if he ever saw it), and just isn't interested at the moment.

I don't know what it's like to be fully gay, so I can only extrapolate based off of what I have been told. I know that gays sometimes rationalize a fake opposite-sex attraction early on, and live heterosexual lives simply because it's the default without realizing they're gay. Some have told me that.

But I also know from my experience as a bisexual man that it is quite possible for the pendulum to swing based on your emotional attachments, and it may seem like you have a stronger interest in men while you maintain a crush on one. That crush is purely an emotional component of attraction though. It comes and goes.

There was a brief time I considered the possibility that I was fully gay, around the time I started coming out as bi and dating other guys. I had thought of myself as straight for many, many years, and I was just really excited to have a same-sex relationship at the time. It was a new thing, with new possibilities, and it was invigorating. And once the excitement wore off it became clear that the attraction to women that I had for many years up until that point was still there and still quite strong.

 

Justin, would you say you're Bi? I think I am... gay-leaning Bi, but still Bi.

 

Hmm... your story is very different from most gay "self-realization" stories. And it's clearly different from Chip's scenario as well, since you seem quite at-ease with yourself. No hangups, no denials or delays. You jumped right into it eagerly. By the way, that kind of story is insanely adorable (*hug*). I think we all love hearing about the gay crush that turns into a self-realization and then an awesome relationship. You really brightened up my day with it.

At the same time, what you are describing sounds more like the result of an emotional attachment swinging the pendulum than it does a prevailing hard-wired sexual orientation. If you were a kinsey 5 or 6, I think this would have played out differently. The way you describe women, it seems like you're attracted to them. You may think you're emotionally incompatible, but prepare for this one later on: emotions change. There is a massive emotional component to the way you 'see' gender.

I could be totally wrong though. The proof may just be in the pudding. I cannot imagine limiting myself to men for the rest of my life (or women); it would feel like cutting off a piece of my soul. That you're content with the idea might be proof enough that you're in a very different situation than I was years ago.

 

Aw this is great! A really nice thread to read. Must have been a pretty crazy couple of months for you but its great you've been able to work it out and be happy XD

*grin*

 

Your writing is very beautiful, you made me feel like I had a peek in your life. The troubles you went through, the excitement you had (even if it scared you). I haven't seen your other posts but now I'm going to look back(not too sound too creepy).

You must have felt things I think we all have felt at one point in our lives. I know I like women but have never been in a actual relationship with one. I hope one day I can share something as beautiful as what you have shared with us.

 

What an amazing jouney you've had and thanks for sharing it with us. I wish a best friend had kissed me to open my eyes to the fact I was gay way back when. I could do without the turmoil that followed, but in the end you made it and for the better. Looking back now, can you see any clues that you liked guys on some level? Did you fully understand that being gay simply means you're sexually attracted to guys and nothing to do with masculinity and your interests? The gay stereotypes and not understanding basic human sexuality is a huge reason why it never occurs to lots of guys that they are into dudes.

For me it was admiring and trying to imitate guys for their hairstyle, how they dressed, and their charismatic personalities. Now I see that most of that was actually little crushes on those guys and wanting to be friends with them, but I never got a surprise kiss in any of those friendships, haha. I'm a bit jealous when that happens to other guys, yet I'm really happy for them too. Good luck coming out to your other friends!

 

Thank you for sharing your story Justin. I have to say, you've actually helped me.

My experience was completely different from your own. I was raised in a very rural area and sheltered as a kid. I didn't even know what gay was or that guys could like other guys. Hell, my notions about sex in general were pretty vague. However, I became aware that I started to have romantic and sexual attractions toward guys around the time I started puberty, and I didn't really understand them - primarily because I didn't have a word to wrap around the feelings. Of course, when I learned what gay was several years later, I knew instantly that they were talking about me.

And looking back even further, it's pretty obvious to me that I was gay at an even younger age, though obviously sexual attraction hadn't developed yet - I was too young.

So, whenever I've heard stories like your own - men and women - who discover their sexual orientation pretty much after age 15, it always somewhat baffled me. I accepted that such people existed, but believed that they were simply in denial. It was hard for me to understand, though, because it wasn't my personal experience.

Your story has actually helped me put the missing piece of the puzzle into place. It's not that such individuals are in denial (though some certainly are), it's that we don't know how to measure our emotions and feelings when compared to other people. How do you describe a crush to someone whose never really experienced one?

I can look at women and admire their beauty and attractiveness. I could even have sex with a woman if I had too, and I'd most likely find it physically pleasurable. ...but with men, it's not even something that can be compared to a woman. It's like trying to compare the light of a candle to the light of the sun. It doesn't compare. They're completely different.

I can love a woman as a friend, perhaps even as close as a sister. I could value her immensely as a human... but I could never really -LOVE- her the way that I'd love another man.

Since everyone is assumed to be straight until they say otherwise, it seems rather obvious that some people would grow up and go about their lives believing that what they felt toward the opposite sex was the same thing everyone else felt. When, in reality, that isn't the case at all.

Everyone is limited to our own experiences, we can't jump into the minds of others and actually FEEL the things that they FEEL. We can only share what we are feeling, and then use that knowledge to measure our feelings against that of others.

So, thanks for sharing your story. It seems so obvious that it's somewhat embarrassing to admit that it didn't dawn on me sooner, but your story helped me understand things from a different perspective.

I'm glad that you've discovered the truth, especially before you had gotten married and had kids. So, in that sense, you're lucky. I'm sorry that things have been so traumatic for you, this has been an assault against your very identity.

However, you're clearly a good guy. You're going to come out of it stronger and better - not to mention happier in the long run. I'm sure of that. (*hug*)

 

I shall return the call for caution. His story fits both of our hypothetical scenarios. If either one of us tries to push our narrative too much we both run the risk of screwing him up if we're wrong. I think he's being very smart about it so far. I commend him for his courage and I'm excited to hear where this goes. It's a very interesting story.

 

As everyone else has said, that's a great story. Glad that you've become comfortable with being 'not heterosexual' ;D and hope everything continues to go well for you and yourboyfriend.

 

Thanks for sharing your story! It's really been well told and an amazing journey that touched me for some reason. I used to dream /hope that some friend would hit on me so that I could see what it would be like without having to "come out" but saddly it never happened. Anyway thanks again love all your posts so you are so sweet and genuine with a wonderful life ahead of you I'm so jealous! Best of luck hope you make the best of it!

 

Thank you for sharing your story.
It's so encouraging to read about something turning out so nicely for another person.

I'm at the very beginning of a similar journey, and the way you articulated your feelings about how your close friendship with your boyfriend started out, and your reactions to what was happening once you realized what those feelings were have really resonated with me.

Just reading that another person out there has felt and lived the same things I am trying to sort out is wholly comforting, and though I don't know you, I am so pleased that you have found a good balance in your life and are continuing to move on and be happy for yourself.

Thank you for letting us share in your happiness. You are awesome.