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Fallen like a fool.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by nikkigreen, Dec 8, 2016.

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  1. Really

    Really
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    This is EC! Empty Closets. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
    #41 Really, Dec 30, 2016
  2. silverhalo

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    Sorry my mistake :slight_smile: as really has said EC empty closets. Glad you had a good festive period.
     
    #42 silverhalo, Jan 1, 2017
  3. nikkigreen

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    Oh dear me! How did I not realise what EC stood for!
    Hope you had a good festive period too! Back to work tomorrow to see what the new year brings!
     
    #43 nikkigreen, Jan 2, 2017
  4. nikkigreen

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    So back to work now and it was about 2 hours before I had to call her regarding something. We talked playfully and then she called me back later to help her with a problem (she could have spoke to people in her own office to help her but alas she called me) It felt so right talking again and she has started to follow me on twitter again which her gf doesn't know about. That will cause drama I'm sure.

    Anyway, I feel much better now :slight_smile:
     
    #44 nikkigreen, Jan 5, 2017
  5. resu

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    Have you thought about dating other girls? I know it may seem hard, but if you keep waiting on this girl, you may have missed opportunities with other perfectly good women. Avoid tunnel vision in analyzing everything she does when the main issue (her relationship status) is unchanged.
     
    #45 resu, Jan 7, 2017
  6. nikkigreen

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    Well I've actually been talking to some women lately and hoping to go for drinks with them soon :slight_smile:
    I know I'm over analysing everything she does, but just when I think I'm moving past her, she does something to pull me back in.
    That is stopping now, I have got a promotion which means that in a months time I won't need to talk to her as much at work and hopefully one of my dates goes well :wink: xoxo
     
    #46 nikkigreen, Jan 8, 2017
  7. silverhalo

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    Congratulations on your potential dates :wink: and on your promotion sounds much more promising.
     
    #47 silverhalo, Jan 8, 2017
  8. resu

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    Congratulations on the promotion! Time heals everything, so just try to maximize your time away from her, including at work. Also, dating others is kind of a balancing act, but make this a learning experience of what you liked about this girl while at the same time avoiding any direct comparisons because each person is unique.
     
    #48 resu, Jan 9, 2017
  9. nikkigreen

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    Hello again EC
    So an update to this story, I did go on to date someone else but nothing became of it.
    After a while, the lady who I fell for in these posts blocked me on Twitter stating her girlfriend found out.
    Out of the blue, the crush called me at work and we a tiny catchup. She then instantly went to WhatsApp and updated her pic to one of her and her gf for about an hour.
    Turns out, we will be meeting eachother at the Christmas Party in just under 2 weeks. Ahy advise on how to proceed?
     
    #49 nikkigreen, Dec 9, 2017
  10. nikkigreen

    nikkigreen
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    Me again.
    Went to the Xmas party she told me she was engaged to her girlfriend. I was happy for her and felt nothing. Then at the end of the night she pulled me to the dance floor for a slow one. Now my head is so confused.
     
    #50 nikkigreen, Dec 18, 2017
  11. nikkigreen

    nikkigreen
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    Can anyone give some advise. I’ve fallen hard again
     
    #51 nikkigreen, Dec 20, 2017
  12. Lin1

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    This girl seems to like to play games. It does look like she is into you but also holding on to her first love. She is engaged now, she has picked who she wants to spend the rest of her life with (technically at least) so I would just put some distance between you two.

    Remembering that the behaviour she has with you and towards her current partner she could have with you too if you were dating and I am talking about the lying, hiding stuff, talking to another woman in secret and blatantly lying about it and then acting like it's the other lady being stalkerish and her being completely innocent.

    She has shown you who she is and keeps doing it. Listen to her and put some distance to protect your heart. She isn't worth it in my opinion.
     
    #52 Lin1, Dec 20, 2017
  13. N4rley

    N4rley
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    Run away as fast as you can! Seriously this crush is toxic for you, sounds like she likes the attention and even the drama. But it would be extremely detrimental to your work and personal life if you let her in again.
     
    #53 N4rley, Dec 20, 2017
  14. nikkigreen

    nikkigreen
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    Thanks for the replies :slight_smile:

    I’m annoyed at myself more for not saying no to the slow dance because I was doing fine until that moment emotionally.

    I understand what you are saying, although we have never kissed or anything, I too wouldn’t be happy if I was with her and found out that she danced and sung to another girl who she knows had feelings for her.

    Part of me wants to think she had a few drinks and her guard was down without her now fiancé there. But I know I need to let this go once and for all.

    I know her fiancé is jealous, controlling and sometimes violent towards her but if she isn’t going to take control of her life then I can’t have her in mine.

    Work will be awkward once more after the holidays!
     
    #54 nikkigreen, Dec 20, 2017
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  15. nikkigreen

    nikkigreen
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    Having a bad day today, a few friends have asked me how the event was and know that we danced - they have all said she should not have asked me to dance knowing how I felt prior and none of us can work out why she did this to me.

    I’m trying to get over her but everytime I close my eyes I see her, I need a new distraction and quick!

    One things for sure, I can’t see her anymore at work events
     
    #55 nikkigreen, Dec 23, 2017
  16. nikkigreen

    nikkigreen
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    Text her wishing her a good xmas

    How can I get over her

    I’m sure she likes me

    Ahhhhh
     
    #56 nikkigreen, Dec 27, 2017
  17. ExPonto

    ExPonto
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    She is not honest with you. She likes attention she is getting from you, and likes that you have feelings for her, but does not want to reciprocate. She wants to stay with her fiancee and have you in love with her at the same time even though she made her choice and cannot give you anything. Whenever she sees that you are moving on, she pulls you in. When her fiancee gets angry, she puts all the blame on you and lashes out on you. Then, when she feels she is safe, she reconnects with you and blames it all on her fiancee. That is clearly the pattern here. Unless you want to get stuck for months or years in this situation that is toxic to you, you should distance yourself from her as much as possible and avoid and reject contact with her no matter how hard it feels. When she wants something from you at work, direct her to other colleauges whenever possible. Do not respond to her texts or say that you are busy. If she blocks you on social media and then wants to readd you, do not accept her requests. Date other people, get a new hobby, start learning a new language, travel, etc. That will occupy you so you will be able to cool off.

    You need to show her that you value and respect yourself and that you are not her puppet. She clearly does not respect you as she is ready to put you through all of this. She wants to have control over you while at the same time she is with her fiancee. Only she benefits from that - not her fiancee, and certainly not you.
     
    #57 ExPonto, Dec 30, 2017
    nikkigreen and N4rley like this.
  18. nikkigreen

    nikkigreen
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    Thank you for this. I appreciate it!
    Other than a date in February for office health and safety training, I don’t think I’ll be seeing her again.
    It has been a year already, I’m annoyed as I thought I was over her and it would all be okay. You’re right though, if I was with her I would be in the same situation as her fiancé so even if she did make a move (she won’t) I would reject her on that basis. Onwards and upwards xxxx
     
    #58 nikkigreen, Jan 1, 2018
  19. nikkigreen

    nikkigreen
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    Quick update here...
    I spoke with her and she said she only danced with me for fun, I don’t believe this is the case and told her that and to distance herself from me. I did not get a reply and so have blocked her on WhatsApp. I have told my senior management in condlfidence that I do not wish to liaise with her again and gave them a brief rundown of what happened. Strangely, they were very helpful and have told me what a jerk she was and that she crossed a line that shouldn’t have been crossed due to the history. We have no reason to liaise with eachother now and I am happy with that!!! Xxxxx
     
    #59 nikkigreen, Jan 3, 2018
  20. nikkigreen

    nikkigreen
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    So after being so positive that we wouldn’t ever speak together again I ended up unblocking her on WhatsApp for work purposes as we had to communicate (against my wish) regarding a client.

    Spoke to her today regarding said client and I said to her that if she has any issues to call me or text me and she has now told me that her partner caught her looking at one of my WhatsApp updates and has deleted my number and that it cannot be saved.

    All in all very weird.

    I’m still thinking about her but not as much as before. Can anyone give me some helpful advise? Thanks
     
    #60 nikkigreen, Jan 28, 2018
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