Coming out as gay

How you been doing ?

 

Losing my desire and then the physical ability to be with a woman didn’t phase me in the least. Frankly it was a total relief to no longer have to pretend. What was frightening was how intense my attraction to other men became. As I acknowledged my homosexuality and before becoming intimate with the man that became first and todate only boyfriend I became obsessed with everything gay. I was shocked at quickly I was becoming a gay man after years of being straight. Doubts, reservations and second guessing plagued me until my first intimate sexual relationship with another man. Suddenly it wasn’t so frightening and seemed so nature and beautiful. More frightening to me was starting to peel away layers and layers to toxic masculinity to find a total different person under it all. One that wasn’t so masculine and macho, one that started to embrace a softer more effeminate outlook. Have to come to terms with who I truly was was more frightening than either. Admitting finally after all the years of pretending that I was an effeminate gay man totally into guys was not easy. However in the end it was the emotionally and physically rewarding thing I have ever done for myself.

 

[QUOTE="Notsureatall, post: 6749271, member: 109592"
i kind of have pride in being feminine being gay and being a man all at the same time.[/QUOTE]
Love this statement. It encapsulates exactly how I feel.

 

When I look back in years past all the signs were there but I did not know it. Having sex with women was always work. Trying to satisfy them in bed. I needed the little blue pill to have sex with them every time.
All this time I never had a desire or a thought of being with a man. Then just like that ,in an instant I had a desire for a man. At the nude section of the beach a conversation at the waters edge. My gf 60 feet away watching. Talking with 2 guys and I am can barely take my eyes off. That was the lighting bolt that opened my eyes.
After that I never needed the little blue pill for a man. Still needed it for my gf at the time.
The first time out with a man I told him its my 1st time. I gave him oral and he gave me the greatest compliment I could ever get. You never did this before are you tell the truth. I told him never honest. It was just so natural to go down on him I was relaxed and it was so enjoyable. I found my true self

 

I know that feeling well. Straight sex just seemed meh, and so mechanical. Women were ok but nothing special. Frankly I thought sex was overrated. That’s until I met a man at our office working temporarily as a consultant. Suddenly he was all I could think about. He was my trigger that opened my eyes to my latent homosexuality. Better late than never.

 

I had what I considered to be great sex with a few women, at the time, but as I look back, there were many times where reaching orgasm with a woman felt like a chore and occasionally just didn't happen. I would write it off as too much alcohol, stimulation, or just wasn't that into her. Little did I know that not being that much into her was perhaps signaling something more significant. When I'm with a man, however, it's an effort to not orgasm too quickly

 

So often you hear straights guys boasting of the great breasts or shapely ass on a woman and nobody thinks twice about it. Why can’t gay men say the same about a hot guy’s penis or ass. Sexual double standard or heteronormative brain washing? It’s refreshing to read honest reaction from gay men about other men and their attributes!

 

An interesting point for me is that I never understood other guy’s attraction to a women’s ass. It never did anything for me. As I’ve let my attention go to men I find it’s completely different. It’s one of the things that tips me towards thinking I am gay.

 

Thank you to all the contributors to this thread, I have read from start to finish. I have found it is positive and refreshing read
Thank you all

 

I always had this but since I liked clothed women I thought I must be straight but just like clothed women. Now I realize I love being around the feminine environment, talking/looking at fashion but I am no longer forcing myself to try to like them sexually.

Luckily I have a woman friend whom I am very close with I could talk with.

I don't know what the reasons are (born that way, hormones in the womb whatever the debate is now) but how could I grow up in a totally homophobic environment, have no access to gay pornography or anything else yet somehow since high school, have vivid fantasies.

Yes. Work. That's how it felt but I didn't know any other way. I thought 'this just must be what sex is like'.

I was terrified at first, letting go of that mask...but then it quickly felt incredibly liberating.

 

Trying to stay aroused and trying to orgasm and could only do it thinking about another guy. That is until I lost the ability completely to be intimate with a woman. The whole idea of a naked woman’s body just started to gross me out. By the end I was so repulsed by a nake female body I need to escape totally. It was such a relief to be done with trying to pretend attraction and fake intimacy. With men I have the opposite problem, trying to control myself so as to make sexual intimacy last as long as possible. I much prefer the later issue.

 

Yes! I LOVE being gay! It's hard to imagine I came here to this forum shaking, nervous, ashamed, denying, getting in arguments with people why I wasn't gay...

Sometimes I get a little jealous of women's fashion but I don't have any desire to wear their clothes.

You can have 'acceptance' but still not like that part of you. When I first spoke with my female friend about me being gay, she bought up sex (she was concerned because she said a lot of newly out guys can be taken advantage of) she mentioned condoms and it started to feel 'real' and I LOVED it...then I found out my observations and desires were similar to hers and it felt so normal to talk about!

 

For years I tried to figure out why. I thought if I knew why I could 'fix' it. It's funny how many nagging questions that kept me from accepting myself are now irrelevant.
I don't know 'why' I like women's fashion, seeing beautiful women despite not being sexually aroused, but it no longer bothers me one way or another - before acceptance I saw it as an 'out' to being gay - well if I am interested in women, I must not be gay!
The other was the 'why' am I this way. If I could just figure out 'why' I could fix it!
Then one day I just stopped asking 'why', and just felt amazing and grateful that I did feel this way.

 

Couldn’t agree more. Like you didn’t feel this way at the very beginning but now I can’t imagine not being gay. How did I ever deny the incredible pleasure of being gay.

 

I think that's how many of us later in life start our journey towards homosexuality. For me, I had suspected for a long time but realisation and acceptance are not the same. I was forced to confront myself after wanting to kiss (and do other things) to one of my friends. I call him my catalyst. While he didn't start the chain reaction as I would've eventually got there on my own, he sped it up considerably.

I think part of the issue for me was accepting that I was gay would change how I felt and it did. I feel great.