Coming out as gay

It's hard to believe how frightened I was about being gay..Besides the fear of what 'others might think' the thing I was really scared of is how powerful this emotion was in me: acknowledging just how much I wanted to have sex with another man, how natural it felt, how much I wanted it! Finally embracing that negative fear turned into intense happiness!

Funny that was the first person I came out to as well - close woman friend. It also helped confirmed my sexuality to myself - because she was straight and had the same attractions to the same parts of men as I did

 

It took me a long time to get over this. Internalized homophobia made me ashamed about how I wanted to be intimate with a man and that I had a stronger sexual desire to receive anal intercourse than anything else. Now I look at it as a beautiful intimate act I want to share with someone I love.

I only have done it once so far but that first time…

I have tried to figure out why this shift happens, I think we were just trying to fool ourselves we liked it, like someone who's afraid at a dinner to say they can't tell the difference or even like the super expensive bottle of wine..once we admitted we just don't like it we become aware of that feeling of revulsion.
In denial I thought it was just 'natural' to be a little grossed out during sex, until I realized I was even grossed out trying to fantasize about naked women but not about naked men... then I thought wait a minute....

 

I remember when I came out (almost 10 years ago) as Bisexual. I was very careful who I told. I was lucky that I received no negative comments. It was hard, no doubt. Interestingly enough one of the people I came out to was an ex-girlfriend. We talked for hours. She was so kind. She asked me if I was seeing anyone (I wasn't at the time.) A few months later I was at a bar, she casually introduced me to one of her co-workers, never mentioned I was BI. Her co-worker and I hit it off well. Within a few weeks he and I were dating, sometimes we would go on double dates with my ex and her boyfriend. She was genuinely happy for me. When he and I "officially" became boyfriends, she sent me a nice letter saying how wonderful it was that I had a boyfriend. That was 9 years ago, he and I are still together and my ex-girlfriend likes to tell people that she "fixed" us up.

 

When I discovered my bi sexuality I had a long time girlfriend. Sex was okay but I felt a bit awkard or clumsy. She pushed me to explore men after an incident at the beach . She had arranged my first date with another man whom she knew. She then decided for us to switich gender roles in the bedroom . The sex gotten better and I felt more at ease in the bedroom with her. . She was also great for finding bi men for both of us to enjoy even thou she was straight herself.
Now I am totally gay. I can't imagine myself sleeping with a woman again.

 

We have many nice beaches here. One beach have a unoffical gay nude beach far away from the population. It was population some nudity and the gay section but all nudity far from regular population.
We would go she liked to be topless and I would go nude. As I was standing at the waters edge two guys came towards me. We were talking and I could 'nt stop staring. We were in the water for some time. Got back to the blanet and the girlfriend had some nice comments about what transpired. Nothing bad . On the long drive home she asked if I was bi. I told her no but we continued discussing the subject. Finally changed it to maybe and she arranged a date for me with a guy she knew . Had a wonderful time and it had changed my life for the better.

 

These are all wonderful examples of how it is possible to overcome heteronormative programming and embrace same sex attraction without guilt or fear. There is so much stigma attached to two men engaged in sexual relations that it sometimes pampers guys coming out. I know it did me. I was conflicted as in my heart I knew I wanted a sexual relationship with another guy. We know we love oral and anal with another guy but still feel the societal taboos that make those acts seem somehow dirty or abnormal. However in reality they are wonderful fulfilling expressions of a loving connection between two men. Having a boyfriend is a very heady experience after years of denial. Having been brainwashed that we are suppose to have girlfriends rather than boyfriends it takes some time to leave those antiquated ideas behind and come out as gay. For many of us once that switch occurs we can no longer imagine intimacy with a woman again. The idea of being bisexual simply doesn’t work for us. The female body loses any appeal and the idea of sex is just simply gross. I still can’t get over the fact that for so many years I was with women all the while desiring men under it all. These days I don’t even identify as ever being straight as it just seems so unreal.

 

Couldn’t have said it better, so so true.

 

There was alot of self discovery going on until it was time to be gay. We switched gender roles in the bedroom . We had played with different so guys over a couple years . Had rules to it but it worked out very well .
She had passed away a few years ago and thats when I decided to come out as gay.

 

thank you but it has been a few yrs. now. I mourned and have moved on. She was the best not just a gf but a best friend first.
Now dating a very nice gentleman.

 

Yes, it was years of beating myself up "why don't I like this" or even worse "i really like this" it was hard to accept "I really really don't like this'.

It took years for me to imagine being comfortable talking about it I remember sometimes hearing bits of women's conversations and being jealous but I didn't know why since I found guys locker room talk revolting. Even in my fantasies I can imagine saying "nice c*ck" but I can't imagine saying that about any sexual part of a woman.

Yes! It seems so natural and such a natural way to express affection.

This is a great way to put it!

Yes! I realize now how much I want it! and finally feeling good about wanting it! I never understood why people got so worked up about straight sex.

Yes. I had two girlfriends tell me I was gay. I denied it but at the time I secretly liked being told that.

I never considered that label even during my 'but I think women are beautiful' stage.

 

Both of these statements resonated with me. I remember wanting sexual intimacy with another man in the worst way. Afterwards there was no comparison to straight sex. I couldn’t understand how I stood it for so many years. It was nothing compared to same sex intimacy.
I too at the start denied being gay when a woman friend asked but was secretly I loved the idea that someone thought I was gay. Frankly it was a turn on for me.

 

I have a similar feeling - even with still being not out.