Am I pretending to be gay? Was I straight all along?

This is an ongoing cycle, right? So, I think it's best for you if you get professional help since it seems to be a real problem. I don't know how to help you other than to give this advice.

 

I'm not the OP, but how do you get professional help for this? I've tried, but most people thought I was just sexually confused.

 

Who makes your heart race? boys or girls?
If boys you're gay, if girls you're straight, if both you're bi.
From what you described you strike me as 100 percent gay.

 

It depends on where you live. By most people are you talking about "professionals?"
Are you just sexually confused or do you think you have HOCD or something like that?

 

I'm talking about professionals. I think I have HOCD because I've had many obsessions before this one. I might be sexually confused, but OCD is my main issue. I don't need to be told a million times not to label myself, I need to be taught to tolerate not having a label first.

 

If they're not doing their job as therapists to help you I don't know what to say.. Maybe talk to them about how you feel if you haven't already. If a therapist said that to me I'd get angry and demand real help. If you feel like it's not a regular confusion of your sexuality and it's an actual problem such as HOCD they can't just dismiss your feelings.
I agree. When you want to know what your sexuality is the last thing you want to be told is to not think about it and not "label" yourself. To me, it's not about labeling myself it's about getting to know myself. It's really irritating to me when people say that even if I get where they're coming from. But anyway, I truly hope you find the help you need.

 

maybe its HOCD- even gay people can have HOCD- fear that they´re straight even though they are actually gay all their lifes

 

So you have a psychologist? If so, what do they say about this?

 

For me there was an issue of fear that Im gay/straight instead of some sort of bisexual that is mostly true about my sexuality, but that was something I had to deal with over time - but for me it came from being unable to deal with attraction towards more than one gender.

A serious piece of advice - you won't get help with this particular anxiety on the internet. You need to either relax and try to live your life, letting this "thing" be settled for itself, or, if you do have some psychological issues, I'd strongly advise talking to your therapist about it. Sexual identity is a big factor in many depression/anxiety related cases, so it might help you a lot. As for forums such as this one, it is a great support, but in complicated cases it is simply insufficient - as opposed to a therapist that you said you have.

 

You are confusing yourself with your own thoughts, relax, stop making up a bunch of theories and HOCD this and that, If you a gay but somehow have a desire to be straight you obviously aren't comfortable with being gay so you prefer to be straight and confusing yourself, HOCD doesn't make you gay, it means you have and obsession with thinking of what it would be like to be gay.

 

Perhaps being gay has just been so integrated into your life that you don't FEEL that way anymore because it's just become a regular thing about who you are. When I first started questioning I felt like it was the biggest part of myself and now that I have come to accept that I am bisexual I feel as if it's not a big deal. Personally I would look at the Cass model for identity development and see where you feel you are in that process.You shouldn't expect yourself to feel gay 100% of the time you just are just like you have nice eyes or a great nose it's just a part of yourself.

 

You clearly have ocd issues. This is not about your sexuality but your doubt. It screams it to be honest.