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Am I pretending to be gay? Was I straight all along?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by bwayinabox, Dec 11, 2014.

  1. bwayinabox

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    For some reason I'm back in the situation where something in me has convinced me that I'm straight. It's just causing my anxiety to peak and I don't know what to do. Any help?
     
  2. ellyy

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    This is an ongoing cycle, right? So, I think it's best for you if you get professional help since it seems to be a real problem. I don't know how to help you other than to give this advice.
     
  3. Sepulse

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    I'm not the OP, but how do you get professional help for this? I've tried, but most people thought I was just sexually confused.
     
  4. Morrisome

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    Who makes your heart race? boys or girls?
    If boys you're gay, if girls you're straight, if both you're bi.
    From what you described you strike me as 100 percent gay.
     
  5. ellyy

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    It depends on where you live. By most people are you talking about "professionals?"
    Are you just sexually confused or do you think you have HOCD or something like that?
     
  6. Sepulse

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    I'm talking about professionals. I think I have HOCD because I've had many obsessions before this one. I might be sexually confused, but OCD is my main issue. I don't need to be told a million times not to label myself, I need to be taught to tolerate not having a label first.
     
  7. ellyy

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    If they're not doing their job as therapists to help you I don't know what to say.. Maybe talk to them about how you feel if you haven't already. If a therapist said that to me I'd get angry and demand real help. If you feel like it's not a regular confusion of your sexuality and it's an actual problem such as HOCD they can't just dismiss your feelings.
    I agree. When you want to know what your sexuality is the last thing you want to be told is to not think about it and not "label" yourself. To me, it's not about labeling myself it's about getting to know myself. It's really irritating to me when people say that even if I get where they're coming from. But anyway, I truly hope you find the help you need.
     
    #87 ellyy, Dec 31, 2014
    Last edited: Dec 31, 2014
  8. bwayinabox

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    I'm already a sufferer of OCD and anxiety/panic attacks. I already have professional help for that.
     
  9. Jaymmm

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    maybe its HOCD- even gay people can have HOCD- fear that they┬┤re straight even though they are actually gay all their lifes
     
  10. bwayinabox

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    Hmm maybe, but I have somehow convinced myself I am straight! And that will simply not do!
     
  11. ellyy

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    So you have a psychologist? If so, what do they say about this?
     
  12. Irisviel

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    For me there was an issue of fear that Im gay/straight instead of some sort of bisexual that is mostly true about my sexuality, but that was something I had to deal with over time - but for me it came from being unable to deal with attraction towards more than one gender.

    A serious piece of advice - you won't get help with this particular anxiety on the internet. You need to either relax and try to live your life, letting this "thing" be settled for itself, or, if you do have some psychological issues, I'd strongly advise talking to your therapist about it. Sexual identity is a big factor in many depression/anxiety related cases, so it might help you a lot. As for forums such as this one, it is a great support, but in complicated cases it is simply insufficient - as opposed to a therapist that you said you have.
     
  13. Chromedome

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    You are confusing yourself with your own thoughts, relax, stop making up a bunch of theories and HOCD this and that, If you a gay but somehow have a desire to be straight you obviously aren't comfortable with being gay so you prefer to be straight and confusing yourself, HOCD doesn't make you gay, it means you have and obsession with thinking of what it would be like to be gay.
     
  14. bwayinabox

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    Ive been feeling 'straighter' for some bizarre reason. It's as if I've convinced myself that straight. What happened to the certainty I had years ago?
     
  15. bwayinabox

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    Ok so an update on the situation:
    Ok so my mental illnesses (depression, anxiety, OCD) faded away for a few months, so I bid farewell to the intrusive 'straight thoughts'. I've been off medication for a short while, but school stress and fatigue have brought around a new bout. The thoughts of possibly being straight are haunting me again - this time making me think about doing sexual things with girls. This is something I really hate - is it part of my reaction to my questioning about being straight or is it a natural thing that just happens? I do admit I get turned on by it a bit, but that must be my OCD playing tricks on me, right? The worst thing is that I fear my attraction to guys is disappearing. I don't think I'm reacting to them the same way anymore. However I know for a fact I do have an attraction to them and stuff (or has that all been made up?). I've definitely had history with boys, but not girls. Or was I just trying to push away those thoughts about girls.I'm scared that me being so sure about being gay was all a pretence or some kind of act. I really want to be gay, since it's something I identify with so much, but all these things are making me doubt it. It sucks.

    ---------- Post added 10th Feb 2016 at 10:39 AM ----------

    And I'm not even sure if I want to be gay anymore. Is that all a pretence too?
     
  16. bwayinabox

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    I'm even starting to doubt my past history, meaning I don't have much of a source to pool in. I have nothing to back me up as such, so I'm kinda just drifting away into the unknown. I don't know what I want anymore; I don't know who I am anymore. Can anyone help me in any way?
     
    #96 bwayinabox, Feb 10, 2016
    Last edited: Feb 10, 2016
  17. flyingsublime8

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    Perhaps being gay has just been so integrated into your life that you don't FEEL that way anymore because it's just become a regular thing about who you are. When I first started questioning I felt like it was the biggest part of myself and now that I have come to accept that I am bisexual I feel as if it's not a big deal. Personally I would look at the Cass model for identity development and see where you feel you are in that process.You shouldn't expect yourself to feel gay 100% of the time you just are just like you have nice eyes or a great nose it's just a part of yourself.
     
  18. bwayinabox

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    I've definitely gone through all the steps of the Cass Identity Model when it comes to my gay self. It's just the new (well this is a relapse after a free year or so) questioning. I think it's probably just my OCD kicking in with a 'are you sure you're gay' by making me automatically think that I should think of sexual situations when I think a girl's pretty or something. I hope that's the case, after all.
     
  19. bwayinabox

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    Just asking, is it possible to suddenly drop a few levels in the Cass ID model?
     
  20. Justasking100

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    You clearly have ocd issues. This is not about your sexuality but your doubt. It screams it to be honest.