Am I pretending to be gay? Was I straight all along?

It sounds a bit like HOCD which is when either straight people imagine they are gay, but know that they are not but the thought is sort of stuck in their heads making them quite worried nevertheless, or gay people who begin to develop this fear that they are straight even though they know they are not.

I've have recently discovered that I may have had OCD for some time now, more a religious version of it, and one thing that seems to connect many different types of OCD is thinking irrational thoughts which you know (almost for a fact) are not true and yet you are afraid that you believe in those thoughts and that they may still be true but maybe you don't want to admit it to yourself.

To give a more personal example: I was quite a traditional Christian (not sure what I am anymore in that regard) but when I still was I would believe in Jesus as savior, Son of God etc. but sometimes I would think things such as Jesus is really in cohorts with the devil and I would be very afraid that I had blashemped and that I really believed that Jesus was sent by the devil, even if I knew that I didn't believe that at all.

But because I had thought such things I figured I also believed them....

Just because you think something doesn't mean it reflects who you truly are. Everyone thinks 'strange' things (or what they feel is strange to them) sometimes and most people immediately dismiss these thoughts, but with OCD you take them far too seriously and they sort of begin a life of their own... which then causes all types of problems and worries.

Perhaps you could look into that? Hope it helps!

 

Your gay. You are not pretending

 

I have OCD too and it really does a number on the brain. I could sit here all day saying "But that's not true," and have a million reasons why it isn't true or doesn't matter, but if my brain is stuck on that idea it's stuck, and rational arguments don't really help.

But even though I can't seem to permanently get rid of OCD, thoughts do pass. I can think of a thought that bothered me a lot for a long time and now I can't understand why I ever cared about it in the first place. Professionals have techniques to help get rid of thoughts, though I haven't gone very far down that road yet.

(I'm not trying to diagnose you or tell you what to do! Just saying that if you're thinking something, such as being straight, for no apparent reason OCD can definitely do that to you.)

 

Maybe you should talk to a professional if you do have OCD and depression. I don't know, but I do hope you start feeling better about yourself.

 

You're probably gay, but if you experience some degree of attraction to females then you may be homoflexible.

 

if you're not interested in girls and you are both romantically and sexually attracted to men, well, that sounds pretty much the description of being gay. as far as being afraid of being straight, I don't know what's going on there but I don't think that it diminishes your "gayness"

 

You are a human individual who does not need to care to whom he is attracted to.

 

Sorry if this is personal or sensitive, but is porn a factor? I know that personally all my confusion stems from porn. It confuses me a lot.

 

maybe instead of worrying about what gender you are attracted to, just enjoy life, enjoy friends, and discover what person(s) you are attracted to. Over time, you will probably see a pattern, and that will tell you what gender really does it for you. or no pattern, which is OK too, and is also an answer. (&&&)

 

This is probably good advice. Worry about things just makes it even more confusing. It's hard not to, but just don't think about it and it should come naturally.

 

Look from the information that you had provided I honestly think that you are more attracted to men than to women. So I wouldn't worry about your minor attractions to the opposite sex. Have you heard of the Kinsey Scale by any chance?

 

that's kind of cute. "I know I'm gay (I think I do)." It certainly reinforces your premise that you jump around the different stages. Sounds pretty normal. We go two steps forward, one step back, three steps to the side, two jumps into the air, a somersault and a pirouette or two, and then another step forward. At least, I think it's forward! :lol: But for me, after each series a steps, my vision became clearer. so that the 'I know, I think" eventually became "I just know." it's great to have you here. your insights really make me think, and reflect on my own experience. (&&&)

 

I'm a 6! Yay! ride:

 

I think you're gay, and you know that on some level, but now you're re-questioning all that. I do that sometimes, especially a couple years ago; I was convinced that I just "wanted" to be lesbian or something, to make me different and liberal and non-privileged or whatnot. If possible, assert to yourself that it really shouldn't matter, you like guys but who knows, maybe you could like girls also. Trying to keep a neutral mindset about it might make that little voice that says "maybe you're straight after all" shut the hell up.