I wish I didn’t feel anything sexually

I'm not sure there are viable ways to avoid the arousal you're mentioning. But, how do you think, could the problem be in something else than the arousal or sexualty as such?

Otherwise, from what I've read and heard, HRT can pretty lower libido considerably and could very well prove a better alternative to other possible permanent solutions, such as one you mentioned.

 

If you feel shame whenever you get aroused, I think you should talk about it with a therapist. There might be some underlying issue. Perhaps you were raised in a religion that condemns sexuality?

 

I meant, if you think this could be related to not having the right bits down there, sory for my awkard way of putting it. Otherwise, what you describe seems to be similar to sexual aversion syndrome - but then again, I'm not a therapist, this is just a laywoman's guess. If it so, however, your therapist just might be able to help with it.

 

Hi Danielle, the easiest way to stop yourself getting aroused (I think I, er, know what you mean...) is to do stuff. Get out of your bedroom, get out of the house, be active. Hang out with people. Engage with them. Do a run. Tire yourself out.

And if that doesn't work, cut yourself some slack - you're a teenager. Of course you're going to think about sex! That's what teenagers do.

Beth x

 

I'd suggest that you feel this way because you don't have anything else to occupy your time.

Danielle, when I was 15 I felt very similar to you. I hardly had any friends, I was cripplingly shy. I didn't do very much - I stayed in my room most of the day. And I was deeply unhappy.

It was around that time that I realised that life doesn't come to you. You have to go out and look for it. Nobody is going to hand it to you on a plate. From that point on I decided to be more outgoing and treat friendships as I would a plant. I fed them, tended to them. For I knew deep down inside that I wasn't destined for a 'normal' 'straight' life and that I would need a support structure to fall back on when disappointment and heartbreak and distress came my way (which of course they did, eventually, as they do to everyone).

Why am I writing this? It's because I can see a lot of my younger self in the stuff you have written and I feel it's really important that you sort yourself out while you are the age you are. Otherwise you are going to drift into your 20s and beyond living a demi-life, scared of putting yourself out there even slightly for fear of rejection.

Ahem..you've been talking to others on EC for over a week! What is so different about doing it in real life? You've been brave enough to register here and tell your story. So you can do it! I would implore you to take the advice that others have given and contact a local LGBTQ centre. They are staffed by people like us - gay and lesbian and trans people who really won't laugh or joke or sneer at you, because they know exactly how you feel. They know all about the fear of rejection that resides inside your heart because they've been there.

Be brave. No more 'I can'ts'. You can. Really.

Hugs, Beth

 

Hey, I’m sorry you are feeling so low. I don’t think @chicodeoro was meaning to make it sound like it would be easy.

Do you live with your parents? Have you always felt this isolated or is it something which has become worse?

 

This is going to seem very blunt and curt though that isn't my intention- I apologize in advance. I understand that fear, feeling like you're stuck in a hole, and like you'll die alone- and you think it's true. However, that is the pain talking- not the truth. People change over time sometimes with great effort. Right now it seems you're scared and overwhelmed, which is totally normal, in my teens I was terrified of pretty much everyone (incuding myself). What I've learned is the more you force yourself to talk to people the more natural it becomes. You can talk to me on my wall if you like, a good chunk of my story is already on the forum but the parts about being shy aren't as much.

As for your main problem, finding something that can easily fully take your attention works best. Stuff like a scary movie, a good video game, building a model of something, writing (in a journal, or perhaps a poem or song), spending time with a pet, playing an instrument, etc. The point is to direct your focus away from anything that would arouse you. I'm sure this feeling is related to being trans or being raised a certain way (for me it was both- still affects me at times), but you're around eighteen right? Totally normal for your libido to be kind of on the rise- levels out in your twenties on average. However, if you go on E it will likely drop quite a bit. I'm not quite sure the science behind it but T has a different effect. I understand the frustration though, I truly do.

 

I can totally sympathise with this. I was super shy when I was younger and whilst I am lots better now I am not the best at making conversation with people I don’t know.
Does your university have an lgbt group? If so perhaps that is a good place to start. Before you get terrified I’m not suggesting that you just turn up to one of their socials but perhaps they have an email address.I don’t know about you but I find it much easier to communicate via text (even though it also has draw backs). I mean that is probably why I ended up on a forum. I’m thinking more if you could send an email that would perhaps be a start.
When you attend lectures at uni do you speak to anyone or not?

 

Sorry I didn’t realise you weren’t out. When you were at school what kind of hobbies did you enjoy? Do you know anyone that goes to your university?

 

Well it doesn’t have to be a hobby you already do. Do you ever have to work in groups for your uni work? What about some kind of volunteering opportunity? That way you don’t have to force interaction with people and you will have a common subject to discuss.