1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Younger generations

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Kevins1197, Jun 11, 2020.

  1. Kevins1197

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 10, 2019
    Messages:
    29
    Likes Received:
    13
    Location:
    United States
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Do you ever find yourself slightly jealous of the younger generation and their ability to be open and brace their same sex attraction at an early age?

    I’ve known most of my life that I’m attracted males but it really wasn’t until my late teens did I begin to be comfortable admitting to myself that I liked other boys.

    Even now I’m only out online.
    But I feel if I was ten years younger I probably would’ve felt more comfortable with my sexuality growing up and maybe pursued other boys.
     
    VanBo and StillHorny like this.
  2. OnTheHighway

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2014
    Messages:
    3,895
    Likes Received:
    570
    Location:
    Florida
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I think there is a generalized perception because of all the progress made, but rest assured there are still a significant number of young people who are still unable to embrace themselves fully based on family, religion or where they live.

    A few things you should also consider: 1) looking back on what could have been is somewhat of a pointless exercise from my perspective. Instead, I prefer to focus on where I am now going and what the future has in store for me. 2) Your own imbedded shame my be causing you to feel jealous and is most likely still limiting you to being open only online. Consider and thing about whats causing the underlying shame and try and work through it. As you do you may be able to become more vulnerable and open up more generally.
     
  3. Spatula

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2012
    Messages:
    823
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    Southeast US
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    It's weird, I'm only slightly younger than you, but I don't feel worried about my generation at all.

    In high school it was a different story. If you were openly gay you were a punching bag. Most of the people with those attitudes evolved though, they just needed to be exposed to something other than their parents' views. Popular media went through an evolution of ignoring homosexuality, then acknowledging it and treating it like the punchline of a joke in the 90s, to being a lot more positive in more recent decades. Millennials, even older ones, seem largely supportive. They see sexual minorities as their civil rights struggle, and something they can confidently point to improving about the world in their lives.
     
  4. bluehorizon

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2015
    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    24
    Location:
    Wisconsin
    >But I feel if I was ten years younger I probably would’ve felt more comfortable with my sexuality
    >growing up and maybe pursued other boys.

    So, may I add a little bit of alternative perspective? I was married, and felt same-sex attraction, and came out... in 1977. So with respect, I don't think your age has anything to do with it.

    :stuck_out_tongue:
     
    #4 bluehorizon, Jun 14, 2020
    Last edited: Jun 14, 2020
    LostInDaydreams and OGS like this.
  5. brainwashed

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2014
    Messages:
    1,957
    Likes Received:
    392
    Location:
    Phoenix, AZ
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I will add "some young people" There are still a lot of young people out there who accept the party line - "hate myself".
     
  6. brainwashed

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2014
    Messages:
    1,957
    Likes Received:
    392
    Location:
    Phoenix, AZ
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Interesting I've got to ponder this for a bit.
     
  7. brainwashed

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2014
    Messages:
    1,957
    Likes Received:
    392
    Location:
    Phoenix, AZ
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Punching bag - if you were for fortunate. The mental anguish could be much worse.
     
  8. Vesta

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 2, 2015
    Messages:
    284
    Likes Received:
    25
    Location:
    Wales, UK.
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I wouldn't say I find myself being jealous. I don't really think about it that way. Where I live wasn't always very accepting, but it was my own family that made me fear coming out or exploring. My mother expressed homophobic behaviour so I pushed myself into denial for 3 years because I feared she would disown me. When I finally told a friend who was very accepting, I decided to take the plunge and tell my family. It went a lot better than expected. I told a few more people after that, all were friends.

    I met a girl in college who I was really into. I was in denial that she was into me too, perhaps out of fear because I wasn't ready to fully come out, or maybe some other reason. I missed my chance with her because I was terribly shy and I crushed on her so hard that I would become so nervous around her and would just end up avoiding her. I ended up never seeing her ever again after college was over and I regretted not pushing myself to make a move.

    I ended up having a relationship with a guy at 19 and it was almost 3 years long. It didn't work out for a lot of reasons, but ultimately it never would have because I don't see myself settling down with a guy, ever. I came out over Facebook to all of my friends and people whom I even barely even talk to at the age of 24. I received a completely positive response, more than I could have ever expected. However, I still wouldn't push myself to get out there.

    My home life wasn't exactly great. It's not like I was able to bring anybody back home because of strict family rules, and I never thought I would ever be good enough for anyone. I was unemployed and heading off to university so I just didn't see the point. After going to university there was an LGBT+ society. I did try and take part in it, but by then everyone was 18-19 years old and I was the 'OAP' of the group at 25. I felt way too old. I also didn't want to just experiment or have a short-term relationship with a girl. I wanted something real, but nobody else did.

    In the end I ended up being with yet another guy and things were pretty awful. It made me realise I never wanted to be with another man ever again, even romantically.

    So, again, I don't feel jealous. My actions are my own fault. I could have tried to push myself out there more with the right crowds, fear was the thing that held me back.
     
    Nic2552 and gravechild like this.
  9. Kevins1197

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 10, 2019
    Messages:
    29
    Likes Received:
    13
    Location:
    United States
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I think it’s just easier for younger kids to be out and admit same sex attraction than for the older who still struggle admitting it, while people in high school are very open about it.
     
  10. Ladybird12

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 2, 2018
    Messages:
    12
    Likes Received:
    9
    Location:
    Australia
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Yeah, absolutely, I mean I think a lot of us on here have already built a hetero life, familes, marriages, children etc, so we have lot's to lose. I'm not sure if I would have admitted my feelings even if I was in school now though. I had my chances and grew up in a very open-minded house, in a very LGBTQI area and lots of kids at school were out and I still denied and suppressed my entire life. So who knows. But it is great to see people coming out and being accepted.
     
    Nic2552 and LostInDaydreams like this.
  11. LostInDaydreams

    Moderator Full Member

    Joined:
    May 10, 2016
    Messages:
    2,775
    Likes Received:
    1,189
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Yes, it’s hard to know whether it would have made any difference. I was completely clueless when I was at school. My best friend came out just after Year 11 (16 years old) and that didn’t prompt me to question my own sexuality. My closest friend in my first year of university, was also gay and that didn’t prompt me either and that was in an accepting/open environment. So, even if people had been more open at school, there’s a good chance I still would have been clueless.
     
    Pole star likes this.
  12. Jakebusman

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2015
    Messages:
    685
    Likes Received:
    188
    Location:
    OH
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Yes very much I came out at 29 wish I could have been brave like youth of today
     
  13. johndeere3020

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 20, 2016
    Messages:
    947
    Likes Received:
    343
    Location:
    Minnesota
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Having kind of figured I was different by my mid teens I didn't come out until age 46. Yep, sometimes it is hard to see the youth of today, but remember some of them are still struggling.
     
    Nic2552 and VanBo like this.
  14. Choirboy

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 21, 2013
    Messages:
    1,635
    Likes Received:
    278
    Location:
    Wisconsin
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    My mother all but asked me flat out if I was gay when I was about 23, and although all my fantasies involved guys, I could probably have taken a lie detector test, answered "NO" to "Are you gay?", and passed with flying colors. I loved family and children and genuinely believed that in the end, finding a female soulmate would make any interest in guys irrelevant. Whether that would be any different if I had been born in 2001 instead of 1961, I don't know. Perhaps if I had enough examples of guys in stable relationships with families, the puzzle pieces would have come together far more quickly than they did. Or if I had had a little more self-esteem and not been bullied as much as a kid for being smart, overweight, clumsy, bookish etc., I might have spent less time just hiding from the world. Or if Mom had not died 6 months after that conversation. Or if.....there are too many "or if's". My experience with my two daughters who are just out of high school and college, is that there is always something that will cloud your view of who you are. That's as true now as it ever was, maybe more, with social media and all the creative new ways to bully people that make my grade school dodgeball games look like amateur hour. I do get a tiny bit wistful on occasion, but for the most part, I am far more able to handle the world now than I was in my teens, and I'm glad I am where I am.
     
    johndeere3020 and Lyman like this.
  15. OGS

    OGS
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 1, 2014
    Messages:
    2,652
    Likes Received:
    674
    Location:
    Chicago, IL
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    It's always interesting for me when this topic comes up. I feel like on some level I should be jealous but I'm really not. I came out, well at this point I guess it's been almost thirty years ago and I just have to say I'm really glad I had the opportunity to come out when I did. At the very least I'm grateful I came out before the apps. I think the gay community feels very different for someone of my generation. Perhaps because there was so much crap to deal with we really were there for each other and in a very real way built a whole counter culture and to a large degree have carried that forward in our fogey circles. That sense of community has been such a blessing in my life and, to be honest, I feel kind of bad for anyone who missed out on that...
     
  16. mellissa

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 26, 2020
    Messages:
    244
    Likes Received:
    29
    Location:
    Canada
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    As a young person I have had difficulty accepting myself. However, I do agree that if I was born 10, 20 or even 30 years ago, I wouldn't have accepted myself so early. I'm thankful to all of you from the previous generation for making that possible. I'm thankful that you all risked your jobs, homes, family, friends, and even your lives for young people like me to be able to have the possibilities we now have.
    I'm sorry that acceptance doesn't come as quickly for you guys as it does for us. But thank you.
     
  17. rktonks

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 10, 2020
    Messages:
    208
    Likes Received:
    28
    Location:
    Charlotte NC
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I agree with @mellissa ! It doesn’t seem easy to me, and 90% of Christian people are still a pain in the ass, but thank you to all you old people for fighting so that I have places to go to. Like here, or pride. And I can one day get married and I can be mainly brave because you guys fought to be recognized and so I can be too❤️
     
  18. Kevins1197

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 10, 2019
    Messages:
    29
    Likes Received:
    13
    Location:
    United States
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    It was just something I was curious about, it just seems to me that younger generations are more self aware at a younger age, and more open about.

    very few people were out in middle and high school. I can think of at least a dozen people I’ve gone to school with who’ve cone out in the last 20 years.
     
  19. OnTheHighway

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2014
    Messages:
    3,895
    Likes Received:
    570
    Location:
    Florida
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Society does seem to be moving towards broader acceptance of sexuality that does not conform to the heteronormative script. Look at the recent U.S. Supreme Court ruling protecting LGBT equality rights at work in combination with Marriage Equality that passed some time ago. As more rights are protected, as the media moves away from messaging based on the heteronormative script and even as some religions and places of warship open up to the idea of acceptance, shame diminishes and people are more comfortable coming out.

    As well, in the United States at least, I perceive there has been a parenting evolution in some respects where kids have been raised to be more self aware (the concept of parents not wanting to be like their own parents rings a bit true here), Those parents that have participated in this philosophy (recognizing I do not think it a universally embraced trend) have allowed their children to better express themselves compared with prior generations.

    So it might be argued that the combination of both a more open minded society and evolved parenting have created the foundation to allow a younger generation to feel more comfortable embracing their sexuality at an earlier age. Younger generations may be perceived as benefiting from these trends towards full acceptance.
     
  20. Nic2552

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2018
    Messages:
    156
    Likes Received:
    97
    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone

    Same, I went to a performance high school were there was a lot of lgbt , very open school but my group of friends were judgemental so I guess that’s why I suppressed my feelings and was afraid of my family opinion. Even then I don’t regret coming out in college. That’s when I met my first girl friend and we been together 7 years.