Would You Remarry If Your Partner Died?

Probably not. I have no good way of articulating my reason why but I'll try explaining.

If my husband died and I loved him very much, there would be a hole in my heart that could not be able to be filled by anyone ever again. If I did remarry, I'm the kind of person that will recall the little things that remind me of him. Remembering things about past partners/never moving on tends to be sorta toxic in future relationships as one dwells on the relationship too.

An excerpt from something I wrote little over a year ago that sums up what I wrote: 'Don't try to make it work when it obviously won't; maybe they won't fit at all'
In that, I was comparing life to a jigsaw puzzle and what you're given in life can be compared to puzzle pieces. At the end, it tells one big story but some pieces are meant to go somewhere and some are meant to go elsewhere

 

That's a hard question. It's been 23 years now, so I think I'd be so depressed, I'd probably not want to live, as I'm pretty hopeless/depressed about how my life is going, never having found meaningful work, and having struggled with money and getting by. I think I'd lay down on the high-speed train tracks, and let the life run out of me.

 

Please try to avoid thinking like that, HP. I've heard all sorts of stories of serpentine lives which involved barking up different trees with fruitless results, so I do understand. I've had my share of battles that can take a lot of energy and cause depression.

 

I completely agree with Amorviri. That is exactly what I would do.

 

It depends. My standards in a life partner or spouse are pretty high, and my kids will always come first, so it would have to be a pretty amazing person to make me want to remarry if something happened to my husband

 

I agree with the above. I had a life partner who back in '08 when she got deployed to Iraq told me, insisted in fact, that if she didn't make it back to not grieve too long, and to find someone new. We were never legally able to marry in our state but it was a lifetime relationship. She didn't die in Iraq but she did pass away 3 yrs later in an accident. I didn't date anyone for almost 2 years, I didn't want to get into a serious
relationship ever again and feel that loss. Even when I did start dating I didn't call it dating.

It's true that I was lonely but my choice of my current partner had nothing to do with that. My current partner is in no way a substitute for my previous one, nor does he need to be. If something would've happened to me first I would've wanted my former partner to be happy with someone else also, provided that someone else loved her and was good to her. I think that if my former partner exists in some way that she is approving of the choice that I made.

 

I feel like the institution of marriage is kind of archaic and outdated. Marriage by nature is a conservative value. That said, I still fully support monogamy and marriage equality even though I don't particularly feel I need to get married.

If I did get married and he/she died, I'd only get married if I found someone I loved and trusted enough to marry. So maybe. It really depends on if my opinion of the necessity of marriage changes and who I'd meet in such circumstances.

 

I agree. I doubt I'd ever get married for this reason. However, we can still form profound romantic attachments, and what this thread is really asking is if we could form another after the first died.

 

Then I still stand by my answer: Maybe. It would depend on whether I met someone with whom I could form a similar bond. Similar in intensity, but otherwise different as I don't feel like the love any two people share could ever be exactly the same.

 

I'd remarry if I found another person that I'd love deeply just like my dead partner. I wouldn't feel guilty at all, but I'd really miss the person that I loved.

 

Proabably not, but maybe, if I found someone really great.

 

No. She is it, my soul mate and although she said she would want me to be loved and happy, part of my heart would be missing. I love that deeply.

 

My answer was I dont know. It depends on many factors like how old would I be? If I was 30, I might have the opportunity to meet someone and see where it goes. But if I was 50, pretty much no. And it also depends on if I do find someone. I know I take a long time to get used to people and learn to trust them, and I cannot force myself, so... probably not.

 

im a big very big drama queen when it comes to someone i love and care about so its hard to decided now i just don't know
that is if i didnt have a heart attack or an asthma attack when he dies hope i have my inhaler with me if he did as my asthma attacks me whenever i get angry and yelling or sad and crying so if i dont have it i will most likely die with him ^^
i really dont know though to tell you the truth i got used to people dying in my life but i never had a real partner and he died so i cant judge cause i didnt lose a partner yet

 

first...sorry for your loss

however...that does not hold true for me personally. I do not mean to say my way of thinking should apply to anyone but myself. It isn't about betrayal...it's about my absolute desire to be by myself. Like I said I got lucky and found someone I can stand to be around...if she passed tomorrow it'd be the end of my dating/marriage days and I'd be just fine

and no I do not have a personality disorder as some seem to imply about me (not you Kaiser...in fact not ANYONE on EC)

I just know who I am inside and know that I am very happy being with her, but if she left tomorrow I would be done

also...that doesn't mean I WANT her to leave. I'll gladly spend all my days with her...point was that for me personally, no I would not pursue actively or indirectly another partner

I do understand your grandfathers words, but they aren't for me

I hope it's quite clear I am not insulting his legacy and words...I promise I am not

 

Everyone is entitled to their opinion. However, many responses seem to be theoretical, based on having met the person you'd be sharing your life with. I don't know how I'd respond since I'm not good at relationships. I think there is some idealizing going on and, only until a person is in a relationship and feels all the pros and cons, could they answer this. None of them are perfect, and they ALL have their pros and cons. That's why people fall out of love, uncouple, and find new relationships, fly solo, or whatever.

We've all seen this with widowed straight people who have been married a long time. Some remarry quickly. Some take a handful of years. Some wouldn't even dream of it. There is no right answer and, though I would never see myself in group one (rebounders), I think all lengths of waiting periods, or foregoing altogether, are acceptable.