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Would you feel insulted if...

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Driftr, Apr 17, 2016.

  1. Driftr

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    ...a closeted person wanted to be friends with you but they didn't want to be seen in public with you - because you looked "too-obvious" and that would out them if they know a lot of people in an area who would reach their parents

    However they'd have no problem hanging out with you afterwards when they're finally financially independent and can come out

    Would you bear with such a person or would you cut ties with them?
     
  2. guitar

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    At this point in my life, I probably wouldn't put up with it. But then again, at 17, I probably would have. You have to ask yourself whether this person is worth it. Do you want a bit of "something" with someone that *could* blossom into something more, or do you want nothing and to move on? My first relationship we were both closeted. Unhealthy though it certainly was, I'm glad we had eaxh other even if we couldn't be out and properly together. Relationships, even an imperfect one will still let you learn things about this person and yourself - it grew my "gay confidence" greatly. Because none of us were out, it was mutually assured destruction to be "gay together" in public.
     
    #2 guitar, Apr 17, 2016
    Last edited: Apr 17, 2016
  3. Joelouis

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    I am actually friends with a closeted guy. A lot of his friends have made it known to each other that he should just "come out" as it'd make no difference to them.

    I can't comment much about the "not wanting to be seen out with you" part though.
     
  4. RawringSnake

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    [​IMG]

    That's all they would get from me. They are free to come back when their balls drop.​


    ---------- Post added 18th Apr 2016 at 03:44 AM ----------

    Oh and just to clarify, the closeted aspect doesn't even have anything to do with it. If anyone told me "I don't wanna be seen in public with you" for any reason, they get the boot. Simple as that.
     
    #4 RawringSnake, Apr 18, 2016
    Last edited: Apr 18, 2016
  5. Aerin

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    I'd absolutely be fine with being friends, but if they thought hanging out in public made us look "obvious" then I'd probably think they were being a bit too paranoid. Hanging out as friends looks like hanging out as friends. If we were going out to fancy dinners together and holding hands then that would be different but that's not something I do with my friends.
     
  6. AgenderMoose

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    I would not be able to stand someone who doesn't wanna be seen in public with me. Like, if that were the case, then what's the point in hanging out at all?
     
  7. JonSomebody

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    I know a lot of straight guys that I have a great friendship with. However, there are those straight guys who tend to be questionable about their sexuality as well. For instance, there was this one guy that I had established a friendship with awhile ago. I have a tendency once the friendship with a straight guy evolves to inform them that I'm gay so that they will not hear rumors. You see, there are those gay guys who knows me from working in a gay club and therefore to be "shady" they take pride in passing on gossip/rumors if they feel it cause damage to your friendship with the opposite sex.

    Anyway, once I revealed my sexuality to this guy, he let it be known that he was totally fine with it and that it will not affect our friendship. Unfortunately, I began to notice that if we were both in a public environment, he would get uncomfortable being around me even though I do not display any type of behavior that would bring attention or to be questionable. So, the last time this happened, I quickly moved away from the situation and when he asked to come over to my place or to hang out, I declined. Furthermore, I informed him that I noticed his behavior whenever we are in public and I think it will be best if he and I terminated the friendship altogether. Later on, he came by to apologize and wanted to start over. Since then, our friendship has been great.
     
  8. Lipstick Leuger

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    I am too old for crap like that. I would tell them to take a hike.
     
  9. HM03

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    I agree with everybody else. If you don't want to be seen in public with me for any reason then they can fuck off aha. I'd be fine with being friends with another closeted guy though - if he wasn't overly paranoid.
     
    #9 HM03, Jul 17, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 17, 2016
  10. L0ser

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    If they don't want to be seen in public with me, then yeah I'd be a little insulted. I would probably understand their reasons, but that doesn't make me any less insulted. So, come back if you really want to be friends.
     
  11. Gunsmoke

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    I don't know, I'd have to meet the person first. Not a very helpful answer, I know, but I'd have to determine, using my own standards, if the person was "worth it".
    I mean, I'm not "obvious" so I think the person would have to be pretty damn paranoid to worry about that! But I think I could understand it - I wouldn't be offended, as such, but as for frustrated? Perhaps...
     
  12. bookreader

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    Nope, they can go fuck themselves.
     
  13. peterw78165

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    I agree.
     
  14. Randy

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    They can burn for all I care.

    --

    Jk I was that person a couple years ago. I mean I get where they're coming from but that would not I would be less insulted. I would urge them to try to alter their mindset, if at all possible. If years down the road and things are different, I'd try my best to keep an open mind.
     
  15. Awesome

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    I would never date someone who wouldn't want to be seen in public with me, no matter what the reason is.

    And I wouldn't be their friend either.
     
    #15 Awesome, Jul 17, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 17, 2016
  16. Aussie792

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    That's a horrible thing to say in any circumstance.

    It's one thing to be worried by being publicly affectionate with a partner. It's a completely different thing to be scared to associate with someone who looks too gay.
     
  17. lnamae

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    ...I don't think I would cut ties with them.

    Guess... It depends on the other persons situation. If being outed = being homeless, then maybe they have no choice? Is it all their fault? Eh, I'm not saying it's right, but it's unfair he has that fear to consider too... I'd try to understand his situation before I assumed the worst about his personality.
     
  18. Invidia

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    I think I would mind a lot, probably. But I guess I wouldn't necessarily break with them entirely if I liked them. Sure, cowardice can be seen as a character flaw, but we're all flawed. We'd just have to set up some boundaries and rules on how to hang out and stuff. *shrug*
     
  19. eMei

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    Yes because it's exciting.
     
  20. Gunsmoke

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    Exactly. Re-reading the ask, it kind of implies that the person wouldn't feel entirely safe with coming out and is afraid to be seen with you out of paranoia. I'd find it difficult to be harsh with somebody in that situation, to be honest. I have a friend who isn't out to their parents and all, so...