Why the f@$× is Bi so hard for people to get?

I’ll m not even sure why there is a stigma

 

Right. But that's what is so wrong about it. Biphobia is so rampant even in the LGB community. I feel like for some unknown reason sexual fluidity really scare people and so they try to brush off any feelings to the contrary. I don't get what the big deal is. There are no awards being given out for how gay or straight you are, so what does it matter? Honestly this is why I hate labels, I only use bisexual as a label because I feel like it is the closest one out there to explain to other people what I like. But really, I wish I didn't have to be anything. Why can't we all just be US. Not gay, not straight, not bi, just US. Why isn't that enough?

 

Me neither. It baffles the mind. How could being attracted to both sexes be anything but a good thing? Doesn't that just mean you have opened yourself up to all kinds of possibilities at happiness? Doesn't that mean that the person is more important than the gender? How are these bad things?

 

And since we are no the subject, I would also like to point out why is it that the minute someone on here comes asking for help, particularly men more than women i've noticed, everyone immediately assumes that if they are attracted to the same sex that they must be gay and not bi? Why does everyone rush to stick the label gay on someone who doesn't even want it most of the time? Why are we so quick to assume that the person is only having opposite sex feelings not because they are genuinely attracted but because they were forced by society to feel that way. Why can't we take people at their word and when they say they like the opposite sex believe them the same way we take them liking the same sex seriously?

 

It’s just human nature. Most people’s outlook on things is colored by their own experiences. It’s iften not even done consciously. Of course, some actually believe that bisexuality doesn’t exist, and you will just have to agree to disagree with them. Others are probably just going off their own life and assuming that it is true for others. I know it is frustrating, but most of the people probably mean well. No one else can tell you who to be attracted to. Just live your life

 

You do realize that in a thread about how unreasonable it is for people not to accept it when people say they are bi you just flat out stated that when many people tell you they're gay you flat out don't believe them.

Irony much?

 

As I said, it’s best to just take people st their word and assume they are what they say they are. It doesn’t affect my life one way or the other

 

People can identify however they want, I certainly don't think I have the right to impinge on that. Not at all. I just don't understand how someone who has been attracted to more than one sex can not be bi? That is the definition of bisexuality. I guess you don't have to call yourself that but it just doesn't make sense to me. I feel this way about straight people too. Monosexuals in general seem very keen on staying that way and I don't see why? Why is it a source of conflict or shame for people to admit to being not 100% anything? I don't think there is anything in life that is 100% anyway.

 

There is a difference between real attraction and forced/perceived attraction as a result of heteronormativity. Just because someone writes the word attracted doesn't mean their experience fits the definition of the word, they may not have any other word of describing it as they "think" it's attraction but aren't sure of what actual attraction is. I've seen this in threads on here. And when people helped them unpack these experiences they found that what they thought was attraction to their ex-spouse or whatever was just a friendship built on a strong emotionally open foundation. No sexual attraction whatsoever. And they would describe it as "Well I guess it makes me feel good when he does this or that that's attraction right?" So especially on here don't take everyone's word for it when you don't know their full story. They might be so deep into compulsory heterosexuality that they don't know how to distinguish real from fabricated.

 

Which is why I think some gay people dismiss bisexuality. They believe what was true in their case is true for everyone

 

I have to say that I don't recognise that statement as a true or fair reflection at all. It's not the place of any member to stick a label on another and if you see evidence of it happening it should be reported.

 

I think what she means is people suggesting or leading the questioning person in that direction based on their experiences as told by them. When we give advice we go off of what we know to be true. I think that's what she's getting at. And @Love4Ever I must say that is not my experience with this site at all. I wouldn't say people are quick to assume, they usually ask follow-up questions to judge whether the attraction is real or not As I said, when the questioning person gives more information and when we together unpack the issue we can see whether or not the opposite sex "attraction" was real or not.

 

It’s certainly not overt, it is very subtle, but I notice it in some members. It’s not something I would report Perhaps it just oversensitivity on our part

 

"And since we are no the subject, I would also like to point out why is it that the minute someone on here comes asking for help, particularly men more than women i've noticed, everyone immediately assumes that if they are attracted to the same sex that they must be gay and not bi? Why does everyone rush to stick the label gay on someone who doesn't even want it most of the time? Why are we so quick to assume that the person is only having opposite sex feelings not because they are genuinely attracted but because they were forced by society to feel that way. Why can't we take people at their word and when they say they like the opposite sex believe them the same way we take them liking the same sex seriously?"

To add to what you said @Love4Ever from another perspective:
So what if there is a slight nudge in the gay direction? It's their journey after all. If, the person who gives advice concludes that it would be best to explore that part of themselves based on the information the questioner gave them, is that really an issue when you really think of it? Eventually they will figure things out, or accept that they don't have things figured out with the help of advice and their own life experiences. We can't control their journey, the information they provide is to be interpreted by our own personal experiences. We can't step into their heads and hear what they're thinking. We can't walk in their shoes. What else can you possibly expect from these threads?

 

Yes, this is what I meant. It is the way SOME people ask the questions that bother me. They seem to use leading questions to add up to a preconceived conclusion, usually that the person is 100% gay but is in denial and doesn't know their own feelings. These people tend to be the kind of people who don't really think bisexuality is real or believe in the "stepping stone" concept that bi people are just on the way to being completely homosexual. I am in no way saying ALL people are like this. There are plenty of people on here who are extremely good about helping people examine their feelings whatever they are, but this is something I have observed in some cases and I felt it bore mentioning because these responses overwhelmingly seem to come from people who identify as gay.

 

It bothers me the same way it does when a straight person who falls in love with someone of the same sex insists to everyone they are 100% heterosexual. This just can't be true to me. How can someone who is 100% heterosexual fall in love with someone of the same sex and not be at least a little bit gay? Even if it is only a small amount and maybe this one person is the only one who really does it for them I just don't see how they can be straight. Again, I am not saying in any way I have the right to dictate how someone chooses to identify themselves. It's not my life and I won't impose on that. I just don't understand it at all. I certainly don't want to offend anyone though or cause an angry debate. That was not be intention at all. I simply just felt like it needed to be pointed out because I wasn't sure if I was the only one confused by all this labeling.

 

Well if it's that obvious then of course. But most of the time it's not that clear-cut. Did you see what I wrote about real attraction vs forced/perceived attraction?

 

L

like I said. Just live your life the way you see fit. There will always be people who disagree. Many of the disagreements are probably just misunderstandings. Sometimes you just have to let things go

 

I guess

Fair point. I don't think I am ever really going to get this but that's okay.

 

Whoops sorry. The quoting thing was being weird. Let me try this again.
I am fine with agreeing to disagree.