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Why the f@$× is Bi so hard for people to get?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by HDIGH, May 22, 2018.

  1. HDIGH

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    Sorry but need to vent.
    Since starting to come out as bi I've had 2 people(1 who is gay!) tell me I need to pick a side, and another say "oh, you're gay now cause any attration to a guy means gay. Bi's not real". This is just in the last damn week! I may have been just a bit abrupt with my gay coworker in saying "then what does the B in lgBtq stand for?"(only with a bit more profanity)

    Seriously is the concept that hard to understand? Even people who are supposedly all in favor of gay/lesbian persons and at least pay lip service to trans being "ok" seem to take one look at someone who is bi and say "nope, you can't do that" ffs...

    Ok. Rant done...for now...grumble
     
  2. gravechild

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    We've been conditioned to believe there is only one (or two, in more accepting places) orientations. Think about it: if attraction to the opposite sex is considered normal, and attraction to the same sex is, "Well, they do their thing, still a minority", where does that leave possibly large numbers that are neither? It smashes the binary. Humans are divisive by nature, so someone who isn't firmly on one "side" is seen with suspicion and hostility. Ironically, lots of gay and straight people either have bisexual inclinations, or have engaged in bisexual behavior in the past!
     
  3. Lexa

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    Yes, the concept is that hard to understand. Although I have more luck than you do apparently because I don't get these kind of remarks often (perhaps also because I used FB to come out except for a few selected people I wrote a letter too or spoke to in person).
     
  4. BlueNeon

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    I don't understand why anyone would feel the need to criticize another person's sexual orientation. I have exactly zero problem with someone being bisexual, especially since I came from a community where homophobia was just the normal and accepted behavior. I can't see why I, or anyone in the LGBTQ+ community, should have any issue with any sexual orientation.

    I'll admit, I don't understand being attracted to guys, and by extension, I don't understand bisexuality. This isn't because there's anything wrong with any of that. I don't understand those orientations because I don't share them. This doesn't mean that it would be OK for me to look down on people who don't share my orientation. I don't have to understand an orientation to respect it and be OK with it. If you or someone you know is bisexual, then that's fine. At no point is it acceptable to look down on another person's sexuality just because it's different.
     
  5. Biguy45

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    I have noticed the same thing, even on this site. There are some with the inclination to believe that any same sex attraction is gay and not bi. How could anyone other than me know who I am attracted to. If I say I’m attttacted to both, then I am. Why does it cause some people distress to think someone is bi. How is that hurting people. I’m not talking about spouses or family members. I’m just talking about strangers or other “well meaning” people. Sometimes it seems tolerance is only acceptable if you agree with the official position
     
  6. OGS

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    On the other side I've have had so many conversations on here where people try to convince me I'm bi. My husband thinks they're hysterical.
     
  7. Biguy45

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    Same works there. You are what you are. I’ve always believed that the best policy is to let people do as they wish. I don’t have to agree or feel the same way, but I’m all for people being who they are. I like girls and guys, that’s not going to change. I’ve accepted that fact, and I’m fine with it. I’m not going to give up my attraction to women suddenly. It’s who I am
     
  8. Biguy45

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    Sorry for venting. I had to say it.
     
  9. Nachtmahr

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    I don’t think that there is anything difficult about understanding that there are bisexual people who experience attraction to both males and females just as there is nothing difficult to understand about that there are people who are gay, like I am, or straight who only ever experience attraction to one gender.

    What I struggle to understand is the ‘pick a side’ comment you got there. If you experience attraction to both genders why would you limit yourself and repress attraction to one gender completely? How would that be good or beneficial or a need for you in the first place?
    And to say that someone who is attracted to females as well as to males was gay is simply incorrect by definition as gay men are not attracted to females at all, I have never experienced any kind of attraction to women and I don’t even get what could supposedly be attractive or interesting about them in the slightest, saying stuff like that not only gets bisexuality but homosexuality completely wrong as well. Someone who says something like that can’t be the brightest candle on the cake I’d dare to say.
     
  10. Destin

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    I think part of it's jealousy. A gay or straight person is limited to only one half of potential partners, while a bisexual person has access to all of them, so have twice as many options and double the chance of succeeding in finding a date.

    Also since a lot of bisexuals seem to have a preference for one gender or the other the lines get blurred and it becomes confusing. If you're a male bisexual who's 90% attracted to guys and 10% to girls, yea you're bisexual, but you have way more in common with gay guys than middle of the road bisexuals or straight guys - so other people think it doesn't make sense to call yourself bisexual when you have mostly gay feelings.
     
  11. Biguy45

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    I
    suppose that makes sense. I would say I lean closer to straight than gay. My attraction to men is very real though. I wouldn’t want to get rid of either, but the gay side would be easiest to live without I guess
     
  12. smurf

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    This! Bah, sorry that you all had to have such ridiculous interaction with people!
     
  13. Biguy45

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    Thank you
     
  14. normalwolverine

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    To be perfectly honest with you, I think the media is probably your biggest enemy here. I don't think it's about jealousy, really--I think it's about what we, i.e. people who are not bisexual, are basically being taught about bisexuals and pansexuals and people who feel sexual orientation is fluid.

    As a lesbian, the two things I notice in the media constantly with people who identify directly or indirectly as bisexual are:

    1) There will be TV shows where a character is either originally presented as gay or straight, and then they'll meet someone or they'll have a friend they fall for or catch feelings for or whatever...basically, the lines get blurry as far as their orientation goes. And then that ends, and the person goes back to being "100%" gay or straight, i.e. they only date people of the sex they were dating before. And the reason why it looks like they're "100%" is because there's never any declaration or explanation that, "Listen, I'm not straight or gay--I'm bisexual," or "I like both guys and girls and will date whomever I like--I'm not all about guys, and I'm not all about girls." To people who don't really know better, it comes off looking like "experimentation," and not something real--especially since they mess with one girl out of several guys or one guy out of several girls.

    2) Especially with female celebs, there will be celebs who come out and say they're bisexual, or they speak in language that most people understand to mean "bisexual" when it actually could mean fluidity or pansexuality or whatever...but with female celebs, 98% of the time they have sex with one or two women but only date and marry men (I don't know about the men as much because I don't follow that as closely). This is another thing that really leads people to trivialize bisexuality, because it makes it look like, once again, the only thing "bi" about it is the sexual part and like bisexuals still only date/marry/love one sex. And it also leaves people questioning whether or not these women are actually bisexual or are they just saying that to get attention or gain LGBT fans.

    Now, I've only had maybe one person ever say she is bisexual in my presence, even though I may have heard rumors about other people--and I didn't spend very much time interacting with her. So, if you don't really have a big enough sample of bisexuals in your acquaintances to know what bisexuality really is, but you have all this crap coming from the media, what are you going to think? From personal experience, you'd not have much of a reason to believe differently from what the media almost always presents.

    And I guess, technically, "bisexual" does mean that someone likes sex with men and women and doesn't mean anything about romantic/emotional feelings...but that's not how people use the word "bisexual." It's used as encompassing sexual and romantic interest.

    And to be clear, I'd never say the kinds of things you say people have said to you. That's ridiculous and rude of them.
     
    #14 normalwolverine, May 23, 2018
    Last edited: May 23, 2018
  15. HDIGH

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    Your comments about the media portrayal are part of the reason I think it took me so long to admit my bisexuality to myself. Even having no problem with people of differing sexuality some part of my brain still said "liking men = gay". Being gay would have been fine but I couldn't reconcile that with my still definite attraction to women, so I just kinda pushed it to the side.
     
  16. Love4Ever

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    Yes! I am sorry but this has to be said. IMHO, if you are or were attracted to both sexes you are bi, end of story. The definition of bi is being attracted to both. If you were attracted to both you are NOT 1000% gay. You're just not. You can call yourself gay or straight if you want, if you have a preference but I don't really get that if i'm being honest. I feel like so many people do this to get away from the bisexual label like it's some kind of disease which frankly, smacks of biphobia.
     
  17. Love4Ever

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    I don't know why people who identify as gay seem so resistant and upset at acknowledging any opposite sex attraction. It's like some weird heterophobia. A lot of them will argue with a brick wall and swear up and down they have no attraction to the opposite sex at all, even when they have evidence in their past that is evidence to the contrary. Why does having any opposite sex attraction bother them so much? They don't have to date someone of the opposite sex, but denying any attraction at all? I just don't see why being exclusively gay is something people wear like a badge of honor.
     
  18. Biguy45

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    I think I’m many cases many gay people only participated in opposite sex activities as an attempt to fit in, and an attempt to deny their attractions when they come to terms with it, realize they are they are happy and proud about it, and justifiably so. On the other hand, many people are legitimately bisexual, and are not acting out of some compulsion or fear. I guess many believe that some bisexuals are going through the same thing that they did. I think it’s best to let people figure it out for themselves
     
  19. RebeccaK

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    I don't think it's about honor, it's think it's about avoiding biphobia and the stigma that comes with being bi but I might be wrong.
     
  20. Love4Ever

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    I disagree. 10% isn't nothing so I don't think its accurate.