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Why do straight men dislike homosexual men so much?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Johnny Gee, Jan 13, 2018.

  1. Johnny Gee

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    There is so much animosity.
     
  2. Wesley007

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    I consider myself a straight man and I dont hate gay men but i think the main reasons are because they can sometimes be rude, or because they have been subjected to being hated by the gay men because they are not gay. I honestly dont know maybe bad experiences or how they were brought up and they take too literal the bible or something. Sorry. I dont really know.
     
  3. Barbatus

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    Apart from those who are opposed to homosexuality, most straight men (in my experience) don't hate gay people or even dislike them (although they may not understand us).

    I think Wesley007 is probably on the right track that it is more about their stance on sexuality in general rather than specific homosexual people.

    Having said that there is a stereotype of gays being camp and 'over the top' which might have an effect but I think that is more specific social behaviour than being gay itself. Just my thoughts on it.
     
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  4. Chip

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    I think you're making an unfounded generalization. There are *plenty* of straight men that have absolutely no problems with gay men. There are also studies showing that the straight men that have problems with gay men are generally themselves fearful of being gay, or are closeted.

    Of course it varies in different parts of the country and the world, but in the US, acceptance of gay men is at an all time high, so I think your fundamental premise is flawed.
     
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  5. Joe2001

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    This is an interesting topic, I am glad you brought it up. I often think that the overly masculine, blokeish types tend to not like gay men. There is just too much of a personality difference for a friendship to work. They also tend to be the most homophobic, as they are the types who can make off-color comments towards effeminate/gay guys (seen it myself).

    Some straight guys are fine with gay men, but it does make me wonder if gay men and straight men can really have the right dynamic in a friendship. I'm not really out to much people, so cannot really comment, but I would be interested to see other people's input. I could personally never see myself being in a friendship with an overly masculine or blokeish type of guy. My mother keeps telling me not to write them off, but there are certain people you are comfortable with and others with whom it can just be really awkward.
     
    #5 Joe2001, Jan 14, 2018
    Last edited: Jan 14, 2018
  6. Chip

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    I haven't found that to be the case at all. One of my housemates was a football player who, when he moved in, was a little uncomfortable living with two other housemates who were gay, but he was openminded and friendly... and he pretty quickly became great friends with all of us. In many other circumstances, I've also found that there can be as many personality differences with gay men that will make friendships fail as there might be with straight men; in other words, in my experience, the personality attributes are an issue, but aren't correlated to the sexual orientation of the person.

    Of course, each person's experience varies. Where we have to be careful is generalizing based on our own limited windows of our own experience. That tends to get people into trouble.
     
  7. Joe2001

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    I agree that everyone has a different experience, but as a gay teen who has always struggled to fit in socially at school, I think it is fairly easy for me to determine that I could never be in a good friendship with the masculine/blokeish type of guy.
    In my view, I think that gay men have more in common with each other than a gay/straight friendship. In a way, that does rely on stereotypes, but looking at the type of guys that I am more comfortable talking with, I find it to be true.
    It does sound a bit ignorant, but I can't really see how a straight/gay male friendship would work. The vibe wouldn't feel quite right for me.
     
  8. Barbatus

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    @Joe2001 I have some very good straight friends and our friendship is based on outlook on like, shared sense of humour etc. However, if someone is concerned about being a 'proper man' then they may not be so emotionally open to a friendship and get fixated on sexuality.

    But I have been fortunate, I'm sure a lot of gay men have suffered a lot social exclusion by straight men so I can see how someone would form the view that straight guys hate/dislike or are incompatible with gay guys. The problem is generalising that to all straight guys when it is not the case.

    I think another factor is our own sense of self and self-confidence can be a factor. The more confidence and self-esteem we have the easy it becomes to deal with people who are different (and not just different on the basis of sexuality). When we don't have that we can be particularly vulnerable to and hypersensitive to remarks, attitudes etc. For example, if you bump into a straight guy who's having a bad day and they call you something, lacking in self-confidence or esteem will lead you to think that was personally directed at you and not the result of what's going on with the person. We basically think that it is us rather than the person saying something who has the problem. That's not to excuse homophobic comments, reducing the acceptability of derogatory comments it good and should be reinforced. What Im suggesting it that our interpretation of an event is affected by how we feel and how we conceive of ourselves.

    Sorry that's a bit of topic but basically being friends with straight guys is perfectly possible in the same way that friends with anyone are possible but depend on a whole host of personality traits. Obviously, some straight guys will be homophobic and therefore will not be friends with gay guys under any circumstances.
     
  9. Joe2001

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    The point about confidence/self-esteem is true, and I suppose it is all a matter of who you feel comfortable with. For me, I prefer the company of gay, or at the least, less masculine and kind-natured guys. I certainly wouldn't want to be friends with straight blokeish guys, or the guys who have made homophobic comments towards me.
     
    #9 Joe2001, Jan 14, 2018
    Last edited: Jan 14, 2018
  10. OGS

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    I'm not a real fan of being friends with homophobes either--male, female, gay, straight. I have however been close friends with a lot of straight guys--some of them pretty "blokeish" if I correctly understand the term. People are people.
     
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  11. Joe2001

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    "blokeish" is a bit of a British term. It means "indulging in or relating to stereotypically male behaviour and interests."

    There are some straight guys who I can potentially get on great with, but I try to avoid blokeish types wherever possible.
     
    #11 Joe2001, Jan 14, 2018
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  12. OGS

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    Yeah, that's what I thought. I'm in investment banking--the offices I work in are where frat boys go when they grow up. It's never been a problem.
     
  13. Joe2001

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    A question that I have relating to this topic is: How different is the dynamic with your straight friends vs. your gay friends?
     
  14. OGS

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    I'm definitely closer with my gay friends. For me it's like friendship requires a whole building process and somehow being gay skips several of the stages. I'm not a very guarded person in general but I can leap into sort of insta-friends status with gay people. We sort of do that when we vacation. We almost always will fall in with a group of people, usually other gay guys, and spend the better part of a week with a group and then at the end of the week we just go our separate ways. My gay friendships have also proved the most resilient--most of my straight friends I've known for a couple of years. They sort of come and go. My gay friendships are measured in decades.
     
  15. Joe2001

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    That's good to hear. I only have 1.5 years before I go to uni and start hitting the LGBT scene. I feel that I will be more compatible with gay guys rather than my current friendship situation, and lack of compatibility with straight guys.
     
  16. Barbatus

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    @OGS @Joe2001

    I think you both make could points. Certainly I think a lot can depend on how comfortable you are with banter - my friends and I take the piss out of each a lot and in ways that would be appear quite brutal to other people.

    However, I definitely agree that friendship with the gay guys are different. There's a lot that you don't need to explain with other gay guys (and I would guess the same applies to bi, trans and lesbians - although obviously I don't have that experience). I agree that there is a comfort level with other LGBTQ people that is there from the start.

    Having said that I have some close friendships with straight guys but there is definitely a slight distance that comes with it with a couple of exceptions - probably that is more me being cautious because you don't always know how people will react. I think the danger is in generalising because you can empathise with a lot of people who have different experiences and ruling it out by fiat may mean you miss out on some good friendships. But there is a tendency to gravitate toward people who have had similar experiences and a shared understanding.
     
    #16 Barbatus, Jan 14, 2018
    Last edited: Jan 14, 2018
  17. Joe2001

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    I would say that I am uncomfortable with banter. Nothing against guys who do it, but not my thing.
     
  18. Barbatus

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    Absolutely, its not for everyone. A lot of the difficulty I found which school is how limited it is in meeting a variety of people and how you get group forming. Not an easy social environment especially as the composition doesn't really change.
     
  19. Joe2001

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    Agree. Hoping university is better.
     
  20. Barbatus

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    Well you'll have LGBTQ groups there so you'll be able to meet a lot of people and make some friends. :slight_smile:
     
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