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Why do straight men dislike homosexual men so much?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Johnny Gee, Jan 13, 2018.

  1. Joe2001

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    LGBT groups? Yes please! Definitely better than the offerings at my school.
     
  2. Barbatus

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    Schools are a bit of a small pool. You'll have more opportunity at uni. Just get involved and make yourself known.
     
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  3. AmberRose

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    I think it has something to do with being mislabeled gay if they hang around gays. Society has a habit of questioning a man's masculinity.

    A cousin (male) of mine moved in with two roommates who were gay males....for a while his family thought he might be gay.

    There are plenty of straight males that could care less if you fall in love and create a family with another male. But sometimes the aggression toward a gay man has more to do with society than the person.

    So if you run into a straight guy who is acting mean to you because you are gay....it is because of the social rules they are impacted by than really anything to do with you as the target for their crude behavior.
     
  4. beenthrdonetht

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    Well, everybody has some frustrations. Everybody has some anger in them. Some people deal better with it than others. Those others, they look around for an "approved" target for their anger. Somebody that it's OK to pass life's kicks along to, rather than sucking it up. Like a man. (Yes, too many double-entendres there but really I'm serious.) The approved target could be gays, could be blacks, could be women, could be communists, could be ice-cream vendors. Sexual transgressors are just the easiest kind of victim, because there is already so much disapproval and judgement about sex.

    And yes I suspect that they fear they might be "tainted" if they associate with gays, might wind up the recipient of just the negative deluge they were hoping to inflict. And anyway, thinking about sex of any kind makes us males, er, respond, and that could be even more scary. Better work out my fears by acting out...
     
  5. kibou97

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    Some are obsessed with trying to be super masculine and think men liking men is a feminine thing, some do it for religious purposes, but most straight men I know are fine with homosexual men with some of my best friends even being straight.
     
    #25 kibou97, Jan 15, 2018
    Last edited: Jan 15, 2018
  6. KnucklesNation

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    I see/know very few straight men who are okay with gay men...I don't know if that's a southern thing or what, and the reasons also vary from person to person. Most, if not all, don't understand that feelings are feelings. They're beyond the control of every mere mortal. Some are overtly religious; in spite of the fact that - the half that are - don't even practice their religion as often as they should. Some are so opposed to the slightest showing of femininity from men; as we're bred from birth to act and dress a certain way -- especially from their sons (i.e. crying, playing with dolls, placement of the hands on the hips, playing too closely with other boys, holding hands, etc.). Some pretend to hate gay guys or follow the crowd so that no one would suspect them of being gay. And a few could be self-hating gays themselves. I've seen a variety of different reasons. None of which make sense.
     
  7. Joe2001

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    I don't get what is wrong with guys acting more feminine. Just because of my gender, it shouldn't mean that I should conform to stereotypes. I remember getting told off by my dad for watching Strictly Come Dancing (UK version of Dancing with the Stars), whilst his friend was picking him up for football.

    A favorite quote of mine - "Be yourself, everyone else is already taken."
     
  8. Barbatus

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    @Joe2001 There's nothing wrong with guys acting more feminine. Macho guys then overreact to feminine guys, perhaps because it undermines their sense of self (don't know just throwing it out there). In relation to parents and siblings etc, I think they tend to see it as reflecting on them. I don't know how long you have been out to your parents but if you dad is a'bloke' then he may feel that having a feminine son means he's not been man enough around the house. I'm absolutely not saying that it is justified, just offering an explanation. And it is very much is a selfish attitude as he's not thinking about the effect of what he says on you.
     
  9. Joe2001

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    That all makes sense. Not actually out to parents, although wonder if they have suspected. I have been told on occasion to stop acting like a girl in various different ways (e.g. language, the way of holding a supermarket bag etc). My mum has even told me to stop sounding like Craig Revel Horwood from SCD! :grinning:

    I get that it would make him look bad. I have heard that straight guys can be insecure about their image, and having a son that differs greatly from them can potentially embarrass them. I certainly have a good relationship with my dad, but we are very different. He is a bit of a "bloke", so it isn't necessarily the "friend" type of parent/child relationship, and nor should it be. I know someone who calls his son "mate", and from spending almost everyday in 4.5 years with that child, I can definitely say that he has not been raised properly.

    Sorry, going off on a bit of a tangent. Ultimately, I will be myself no matter what, and will do so even more when I move out to uni.
     
  10. Barbatus

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    Great that you will be yourself - it's the only way to live.

    As for your parents, maybe once you come out (if you decide to of course) they may settle down after the initial period. If you aren't out and act feminine then they may suspect and be anxious about it (not knowing is a nightmare) whereas once they know it'll provide context. Don't take that as you need to come anytime soon - that's entirely your process.

    That good relationship with your dad will stand you in good stead down the road though.
     
  11. Calf

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    "Why do straight men dislike homosexual men so much?"

    There are so many reasons that could be listed here but none that would apply to all straight men. I wonder what was the experience that prompted the original question? What makes you think that straight men dislike homo' men?

    Perhaps the best way to get an answer to this would be to ask straight men (preferably those that don't like gay men). Obviously not in any way that would put you at risk of harm but if for example it was a family member or colleague that was acting hostile, you might ask "is there some reason you say that?" or "have I offended you in some way?" etc. Reassuring or educating them may be the solution rather than confrontation or avoidance. Each case is different though and ultimately I wouldn't waste too much time on someone that doesn't want to like me.

    One area that worries me though, is when straight men make comments that express a fear of being victims of gay men's sexual advances. The ones that automatically think every gay man wants to have sex with them just because they are a male human. Clearly this is reflective of their own personalities i.e. "I think it's acceptable to act inappropriately towards all women, therefore gay men must want to do that to me". My main concern there being for the unfortunate women that may suffer sexual harassment and abuse from those men. In all honesty I think everyone should be wary of someone that thinks like that.

    If ever you feel that someone's homophobia puts you or others at risk, you should call it out or report it.

    There is a big risk however, in assuming that all straight men dislike homosexual men. Having an attitude like that could be a reason for straight men not liking you. Nobody likes to be judged as a result of their sexuality after all. In addition, it is unfair to demonise someone for having genuine fears or misunderstandings, if you haven't at least tried to help them overcome it.
    I have a number of straight male friends and I am as "out" as a person possibly could be. I'm not in to sports or cars or any of the typical lad stuff but that doesn't mean that I can't forge relationships with straight men. I'm not a massive Madonna fan or fashion guru but I still manage to have gay friends. My point being that you can't rely on stereotypes when deciding on who to like or dislike and you don't have to be a 100% match with a person to become friends.
     
  12. Joe2001

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    Is it a nightmare for parents to suspect but not know their child's sexual orientation?
    My mum does keep making comments about me and girls, so I don't know if she does suspect I am gay, but having seen how I have acted all of my life, I am sure she has probably questioned it before.
     
  13. Barbatus

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    @Joe2001 Heya, sorry for saying nightmare - I can see that has come across totally not how I meant it. I was trying to say that not knowing something can be difficult because there is no closure or resolution. I didn't mean that it is a nightmare in the sense of tormenting them or causing them problems. It's a saying I use and I should have chosen my words more carefully. Sorry.
     
  14. Barbatus

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    As for parents suspecting - each case is different and you won't really know until you speak to them about. I wouldn't worry about it for now.