Why do some people think bisexuality is awesome?

Very true :icon_sad:. Can someone explain me why?

 

Most likely fear of disease (specifically AIDS). But also if you have enough interest in men to have slept with one, then they likely fear whether they alone will be enough to satisfy you. Given our cultural value for monogamy...and the level of risk women experience in mf relationships (specifically, being stuck with a baby if dad disappears)...this second thing is enough of a taint on its own.

Personally, I think it is unfair for a woman to rule you out simply for that reason...but I do think it's fair (even wise) to consider these risks and factor them into her decisions on whether or not to date you. I suspect most straight (and many bi) women wouldn't even be as open-minded as this.

[But see my earlier comment above on the BS of "bi women get a pass".]

---------- Post added 7th Sep 2015 at 04:38 PM ----------

Completely agreed. Neither is it inherently easier. As I've written elsewhere, I do wish all of us in the LGBT community (and indeed in the human race, but at least within this community) could get past the whole "I have it harder than you do" nonsense, and accept that we *all* (even rich, straight, white American males) have significant challenges in our lives...just often extremely different ones.

 

I do think it would be interesting to be bi simply because you would have the ability to understand more peoples perspectives more easily and also have the ability to see through gender.

I think that's wonderful. I'd love to have a boyfriend that could enlighten me on what my straight buddies are going on about or vice et versa.

 

Heh. Not sure I buy the whole "see through gender" thing...I guess it depends on what you mean by that. Many/most bisexuals definitely react differently to males vs. females...either more attracted to one, or look for different things in them or from them. That bespeaks a sensitivity to the different sexes, rather than a blindness to them.

Also, I doubt anyone could really shed additional light for you on what we see in women. If you can't tell from pop-culture what men see in women (it's practically all they show of us)...or don't understand it...then I don't think hearing it from a bisexual guy will help.

Nevertheless, I appreciate your open mind on the topic!

 

I feel straight people not knowing if how hard lgbt life is say this "wow they can get gay guys and straight women, so their never alone." Thats as simple as I could see it.

 

I feel the same way when people say they wish they could be bisexual due to whatever reason as when a straight person says to a gay person, "It must be so easy, you don't have to deal with men/women and their bs".

And the whole "not seeing gender" thing sounds more like pansexuality, which some people argue is a type of bisexuality. Either way, I think pansexuals tend to see eye-to-eye with us more often, suffer similar discrimination, and engage in the same types of debates.

I don't feel *limited* towards queer partners, but they're definitely more accessible, and I'd be more comfortable in any sort of relationship with one.

 

Not to mention, given the bolded bit, that some bisexual men are not attracted, or not solely attracted, to the stereotypical women, idolised in pop-culture.

 

Here here Linthras! I know I'm not terribly attracted to the women idolized in pop culture. I'm often sitting here, scratching my head about why straight guys think so an so femme Hollywood starlet is hot. So it's not like I could explain it very well to a gay man.

Now, if you wanted to know why Lucy Lawless or Shane from the L Word is hot, I could tell you that. But you could also just ask a lesbian, too. Lol :lol:
(Why my tastes in women run towards the lesbian, I shall never know. Oy! :bang: It definitely added to my sexual confusion and frustration as a youngster!)

That said, I think perhaps what Manitoban was getting at was not seeing through gender so much as seeing across gender. That is, being able to understand both women and men well, as people. Theoretically, if your a decent person, and if you really love someone, you get to know them very well, and attempt to see things through their eyes. And we bisexuals are uniquely positioned to do that with both sexes.

At least, you know, theoretically. In reality, some people never quite understand their partners, and I'm not so sure one can generalize particular experiences across entire sexes... Eh who knows.

 

I'd rather just be Bi because sometimes I'm straight, Sometime I'm gayer than gay, and sometimes I'm not attracted to anyone . I have have no clue what my orientation is. It would be so much easier just to be Bi.

 

Oh, my friend, you've just perfectly echoed/paralleled my own feelings toward gay men. Why are they so friggin' attractive? Is it simply that they are unavailable? (am I that masochistic?) Or is there something in the queer persona/vibe that I need...and when I meet it in women, they are available, and when I meet it in men, they aren't?

[I suppose to be completely fair, there are definitely qualities I look for in people that seem to be more common in queer people than in straight people.]

Presumably, a straight man has no trouble understanding another man as a person; ditto for straight women. The problem is straight men trying to understand women as people and vice versa...and possibly gay men trying to understand men as people, and comparably with women. So interestingly, what you appear to mean in your upper underlined quote (reinforced in the lower underlined quote) is that bisexuals are able to understand both women and men *as sex objects*. (It also seems that that was the clarity Manitoban was looking for..."how do I see (or how can a man see) a woman sexually?")

This observation makes me wonder if, since we *can and do* view both sexes sexually, does that make us *more or less* likely to be able to view them as people??

 

Was just talking with my partner about this, and thought I'd share some additional reflection.

It occurs to me that when every person I meet is a theoretical sex partner...could potentially "trip my trigger"...well, first, I find myself being careful *not* to view them like a sex object, lest I end up viewing everyone (or at least everyone nice) that way. Basically, though, the punchline is that I treat everyone, male or female, the same way.

It strikes me that, if you're a straight male, then you view women as potential sex partners and males just as...equals; competitors, even...often worthy ones. Whereas women are just...the pursued. Makes it difficult to view us as equals, let alone as people.

It feels like there'd be a similar dynamic with straight women: you view men as potential sex partners, and women as equals...*both* as competitors, but also as allies in the often uneven social terrain. That social terrain makes it very difficult to see men as equals...sometimes women see them above us; sometimes below; but rarely, I believe, as equals...as "just people".

Basically, following this along, a gay man would view men as potential sex partners. *And yet they are men, so obviously equals, certainly from a social perspective.* The model gives no insight into how they would see women, really. Equals? Allies? Annoyances (since they are sometimes pursued by women)? Or simply as (mostly) irrelevant? I suspect they simply view the social dynamic that treats women as inferior and (unless prompted otherwise by something) have no particular impetus to question it.

Lesbians would then be similar: women are potential sex partners, but also equals, at least from a social perspective. But inasmuch as they are pursued aggressively by men, men are not irrelevant, nor equals, nor allies. Certainly annoying (in the aggregate)...often to be feared...certainly to be treated with wariness.

So maybe bisexuals, by viewing everyone as a potential sex partner, *do* actually have an edge also at viewing them as people. Interesting.

I do appreciate the thinking and conversation that has been going on in this thread (I'll confess I was skeptical of its fate when I first saw the title *smile*).

 

Can you teach a class? On sexuality? It would be awesome. I love your insights, very thought provoking and makes me look inward and delve a little deeper into my own thoughts. Thank you I have learned so much!

 

I agree thirdtimecharm... very good stuff happening in this thread! thanks biAnnika

 

...Bi erasure sucks. Though I do do agree, as a lesbian, that we get a stigma too, but Bi people get it not only from straight people, but from the gay community too. I've heard from bi girls that when they happen to go out with a douchey guy, they get comments like "It's okay to hook up with a girl, but not with a guy" or "Threeesssommmeee?" And from douchey girls, "Are you sure you not just straight?" or "I'd NEVER date a bi girl. They'd just cheat on me with a guy!" That kinda stuff annoys the hell outta me. If a girl truly likes me I don't care what your orientation is.

 

Hmmm. This is an excellent analysis.
And it really exposes how naive and flawed my last post was regarding the truly significant barrier to understanding posed by sexual objectification. Thanks!

In that post, I very naively assumed that sexual objectification is not an obstacle to knowing and understanding people as people. To my way of thinking in that post, romantic and companionate love are stronger than objectification, leading to the desire to understand ones partner as a person (at least in a long term partner context.) But you are right that sexual objectification is a very big barrier to understanding in heterosexual relationships, especially for younger people and those who are single and dating. And perhaps that barrier to understanding persists over the course of long term relationships. Still, don't you think its likely that a straight man who has been married to a woman for 50 years would have a greater understanding of the female experience then a gay man who has been partnered to a man for 50 years? Cohabitation and time spent together should eventually trump the barrier of objectification, no? Or am I giving straight guys too much credit?

In any case, the fact that I ignored the barrier of objectification is a probably a sign of my own implicit biases as someone who is bisexual, somewhat demisexually inclined, and tries pretty hard not to objectify people in general. I guess I tend to unconsciously assume that that other people see the world as I do. And which might explain why I am sometimes so annoyed and disappointed with some of the straight guys in my life. Lol :bang:

My naive bias also kinda proves your point that perhaps we bisexuals tend to be less objectifying, doesn't it? Lol :lol: (Sorry that got kinda meta.)

To some things up, we could say that bisexual people tend to be less sexually objectifying, (and therefore perhaps more understanding of the opposite sex), because we have an incentive to look past objectification because otherwise we'd risk becoming utterly alone and isolated by our objectification.

Alternatively, we could say that our same sex attractions, which we know are to equals like ourselves, inform our concepts of love and attraction, helping us to humanize and de-objectify the opposite sex.

 

As it happens, I am approaching a career crossroads, and one of the possible routes I've been considering is teaching Diversity Studies (sexuality and gender, specifically). Your encouragement here gives some additional energy to that path. Of course, it's not as simple as just choosing to do it, but it's one route that is becoming available.

So I am sincerely touched by your enthusiasm/encouragement...thank you.

 

To be honest I think you would make an amazing teacher because I can feel through your words alone how passionate you are about the subject. You writing style and thought processes as presented in this forum have pushed me to think outside of my own little box and makes me want to be engaged in the conversation. I would love to take a course you taught, I think I would learn a lot. Good luck in whichever path you chose

 

I don't know how flawed it was...I mean, I ultimately get around to the conclusion that we actually *may* be more understanding of people as people. But honestly, I saw it your statement as more of a typo (or brain-o, or whatever)...drawing the opposite conclusion from what the facts would seem to indicate...rather than as naïvete.

For sure I would think that a straight man married to a woman for 50 years would understand the female experience *no less than* the gay man (unless said gay man was a staunch feminist who really went out his way for some reason to understand the female experience).

But more? Perhaps. Certainly possible. But not necessarily. My father is a really sensitive guy, absolutely not sexist, etc. He's been married to my mother for about 54 years now. But I don't think he really understands the female experience much at all...meaning that I don't think he's gained that much understanding from his 54 years of being married to a woman. So if he hasn't, I can only imagine that many men wouldn't.

I would think it would require in a man quite a level of reflection and a sincere interest to understand the female experience...not to mention a belief that he could...in order to gain a meaningful amount of understanding of that experience.

I really like this notion. I think it's an important consideration in thinking about gays and lesbians as well. Hetero love does not inherently or necessarily contain a component of ownership...but it inherently entails that risk. A same-sex love *can* have components of ownership...but it does not inherently entail that risk...as you say, it is love between (at least on a social scale) equals.

 

Bisexuality can be hard, and some people think your just too afraid to admit your gay, or you don't actually know yet... but its awesome because you are being yourself, and it doesn't matter what people think. While it seems harder to be bisexual than it is to be straight or gay, its your own sexuality, you've found who you are. And that's something to celebrate! You should take pride in whatever sexuality you are.