Why do some people think bisexuality is awesome?

I am not sure why people think it's awesome probably because we get "the best of both world" for them but yes, being bisexual can be hard and confusing and even annoying at time.

I LOVE being bisexual and wouldn't trade my sexuality for the world, but it does mess with my head to be attracted to both sometimes. I try and stop worrying about which sex I am attracted to or not and just go with the flow, I am attracted to attractive people anyway, so does it actually matter if they are a guy or a girl since I am bi ?

You do not need to be with both sexes to be happy though. Actually I am one of those chicks who cannot imagine myself in a threesome at all. Sometimes I see an attractive couple but I would only love both partners separately, never together.

Try not to overthink too much your attraction and just go with the flow. I know it's easier said than done, but it really helps me not to go crazy sometimes.

 

Girls tend to get a pass for being bi. Guys like the idea of ",oh a threesome can happen." That tends not to run the other way. Bi guys are usually seen as gay men who can't commit, and once you've had sex with another guy, many women view you as "tainted goods." Bi stigma is a real thing, and I wish we'd just get over it already and let people be people.

 

I think some people assume it's like an off-on switch: that you can "choose" which attractions to activate and when. Instead, for most, it's something you can't predict or control, what with preferences, fluctuations, and limitations.

An acquaintance of mine said he thought it made "everyone" available to you. There's a huge difference between potentially being attracted to lots of people, and the reality of actually dating them (and that doesn't even include how they react to the news, if it's shared at all).

Finally, there's the whole "straight privilege" argument, which obviously doesn't work for guys, since bisexuality in men is basically grouped with homosexuality. You're othered from the get-go. You could argue that closeted gay men, especially if masculine, have the same privilege.

It's like being biracial, in a way: you're both, but you're neither at the same time, always trying to fit in, but never being fully accepted by either. Bisexuality gives you a unique perspective, but the lack of community and visibility wears you down.

 

I would love to be bisexual! The stigma sucks, but don't forget, there's similar stigma for lesbians (e.g. you just haven't met the right man yet etc). I guess it must be kind of annoying to have that sort of no man's land feeling ie not having a deep seated feeling of being one thing or the other, but I think I'd personally find that quite freeing. I also love the idea of literally falling completely in love with a person for who they are, regardless of gender, and wish I could experience that. It's honestly kind of annoying the way some bisexual people say "you fall in love with the person, not the gender " as if that is how all humans work, yet only they have found the path of true enlightenment, when for us who are literally just gay it doesn't work like that, no matter how hard we try to imagine it.

Anyway that's only my two cents, and I guess I don't have much of a say given I'm not bisexual. But I'd say remember that in some ways you are lucky, maybe not in others but try to focus on the good things about being bisexual.

 

I think being bisexual is better because you can experiment with both genders. You have a bigger dating pool, and that's awesome.

I'd personally freak out if I became bi, I've never seen girls that way.

 

You made me lol. Now I'm not saying I'm bi, or a lesbian, but for now I'm going with bi if you had to pin me down. The reason I'm laughing is, you say wish you could experience falling in love with a person and not the gender.

I went out on a platonic friend date with a woman I've known for a while. My husband was traveling for work and I was just bored so I met her for dinner. Within a week or two she and I were inseparable, and my life has been turned upside down, inside out, and flattened by a ton of rainbow colored bricks.

I guess what I'm saying is, be careful what you wish for! I had NO IDEA meeting a friend for dinner could take me down the road of questioning myself, my marriage, my past, present and future. I thought I was "safe" because she was a woman. I can have dinner with a woman when my husband is away, i said. No problem, I said.

Then BAM my whole flipping life changes.

So yes, while I do get the sanctimonious tone of enlightenment "you fall in love with the person, not the gender " implies, but having been the victim of such an event, I can tell you it is real and it is powerful.

For me, I'd prefer to be 100% straight or gay. That would solve the question of who I should date or if I can ever be married to anyone with any degree of seriousness.

However, then I wouldn't have had the awesome 3some experiences back in the day, and I really did enjoy those...

 

This is a complicated issue, but being bisexual myself, my experience is that bisexual men do have access to straight privilege if they chose *not* to be out and have an opposite sex partner. (although not being out is potentially emotionally and spiritually damaging.)

For years, I just kinda hid or ignored my bisexuality because I was attracted enough to women that I could pretend to be straight. That gave me a tremendous amount of privilege in terms of just appearing to be another straight guy, especially when I was married. I "fit in" well in my small rural, socially conservative leaning community. Once I was married, I got invited to be part of more of the community institutions, etc. ("your one of us now") Mind you, I wasn't happy pretending to be straight, but I still benefited from the privilege, nonetheless. And, because I *was* attracted to and liked my ex-wife (and was out to her), I was at least happy with much of the relationship itself. In this regard, it can be a "velvet prison".
(By the way, the reason we broke up was completely unrelated to my bisexuality.)

In contrast, while masculine presenting gay men can access straight priviledge in the absence of a serious partner, they ultimately face the choice of either being closeted, or coming out publically, when they get a serious partner. So there is a difference.

That said, if a bisexual guy is publically out, he pretty much looses his straight privilege. In most places, the old "one drop and your gay" rule still holds.

 

I am of two minds on the subject of bisexuality.

On one hand, I have always found it awesome. To me it represents flexibility in love and passion. I don't mean "best of both worlds" or "having twice as many options"...but simply being unuptight and unrestricted about what I want or what would satisfy me sexually. Part of my requirements do *not* include "must have penis" or "must have pussy". I do kinda disagree that bisexuality means "falling in love with a person for who they are, rather than what they are"...we *all* fall in love with *people* we're attracted to, not genders or sexes we're attracted to. Some of just have a larger pool of such people. Some straight/gay people have a larger pool than some bisexual people: personally, I can be quite picky...I'm sure there are straight guys who have a much larger pool than I do. So let's not get too full of ourselves on that count.

But on the other hand, it is also terribly frustrating, especially being monogamous with one sex for so long, while having desires for the other (Linning, I don't know your age, but all I can say is wait until you've been monogamous with one person for 20+ years and then reevaluate how you feel about need for the other sex, or about a threesome). And yes, the social stereotypes are stupid and annoying...but *all* social stereotypes are stupid...some people suffer under much worse ones.

Finally, on this whole "bi women get a pass" crap.... Woman here, and I can say that *maybe* in *some* situations, a bisexual woman may "get a pass" *from a man* for being attracted to women. But I've spoken with many women whose husbands were outraged when they told them they were bisexual, or suggested a female partner on the side...the primary reaction was *not* "oooh, threesome"; it was more like "you bitch, you didn't tell me??" I have also heard from men who have told their wives, and their wives have been thrilled with the idea of seeing their man suck a cock, etc. So it's not just some women who get those passes.

But two women living together *absolutely* do not "get a pass" (from men or anyone else) just because they are bisexual. Yes, men love the idea of two women together...as long as they can watch and possibly participate. But they *despise* the idea of women to whom they do not have sexual access...and two committed bisexual women represent just that. So stop adding to your stupid bisexual stereotypes, because "bi women get a pass" is one of them.

 

Sorry, I hope I didn't cause offense. I'm not saying bisexual people who say this are wrong or spreading some sort of falsehood, it's just problematic that some use it as argument to say that gay or straight people don't or shouldn't exist. I've mentioned it before, but these discussions keep bringing me back to Lisa Diamond's studies on sexual fluidity. Interestingly she believes there are different types of bisexual people, with some being attracted to males and females by way of their gender, whereas others genuinely feel gender-blind, and simply experience person-based attractions.

Anyway, I do not doubt that bisexual people have struggles, like anyone who isn't straight. As someone who isn't bisexual, I cannot truly understand the unique struggles bisexual people face, just as a bisexual person cannot understand the struggles of being 100% gay. I guess for both there is a feeling of the grass being greener etc...

 

Well said! Oppression and privilege are very complicated things, and usually they can't be boiled down to simple rules or stereotypes.

Damn, biAnnika, I like the way your mind works. I think I'm developing a slight intellectual crush.

---------- Post added 6th Sep 2015 at 11:48 AM ----------

Some bloggers have pointed out that bisexual women are statistically at greater risk for intimate partner violence (e.g. domestic abuse/assault) due to exactly the kind of situation you describe. I haven't been able to verify the stats, but they seem on point, given the dynamics. It is common for a straight man partnered to a bisexual woman to be insecure (sometimes violently so) about the possibility that she will leave him for a woman, and it also represents something that the man can not control, which is very threatening to some straight men.

So yeah, bisexual women may sometimes get a pass, when they fit into the needs of the heteropatriachal society, but when they buck heteropatriarchy, there is often serious retaliatory oppression.

 

I am 20, so obviously haven't been in a 20+ years monogamous relationship but I know that I am currently not interested in threesomes. Then again my sexuality is fluid so I can't say never but I definitely can't picture myself in one any time soon. Also I crave women much more than I crave men, I can go months if not a full year without having sex with a man without it bothering me in the slightest. I am attracted to them yes, but sex with them often leave me indifferent so I can only really see myself accepting a threesome while in a long-term monogamous relationship with a man. As I said, things may change but the idea of me being in a bed with two persons is for now much more of a turn off than it is of a turn on.

 

Then, Linning, my dear, don't have any threesomes. Lol
To each their own. Everyone's sexuality is different.

Personally, though, I do see where biAnnika is coming from. I want a long-term partner, and I'm personally fairly sure that no matter which gender I end up with, I'd probably be disappointed if I NEVER got to have sex with the other gender ever again. I see the most likely path is for me to be in a "monogamish" relationship with a queer woman with occasional mmf threesomes for me, and whatever threesomes she wants for her, too.

Alternatively, I can see myself being primary partners with queer lady, but having a close romantic friendship with a man that is sometimes sexual as well. Or, with the right man, I could see being primary partnered with a man (preferably bisexual), but having occasional mmf threesomes or flings with women. Unfortunately, gay men are usually more numerous than bisexual men in the dating pool, and gay men don't want mmf threesomes, so I think I'm more likely to find the right woman than the right man... But who knows.

As much as I hate living up to the stereotype of bisexual people as needing to have relationships with both men and women concurrently, I think it's how I am. I have a hard time imagining a happy life for me without sexual and/or romantic relationships with both women and men. But I'm also painfully aware that it's not for everyone.

I do sometimes wonder whether if I met the right man, my desires for women would dissipate, as some gay men formerly married to women report. (It sure would simplify things, wouldn't it? That would be nice.) And then I remind myself that I tried living as gay for 9 months, and I still kept seeking out sex and relationships with women, cause, well, I enjoy it.

So.... Yup. I'm still bisexual.
And it's still wonderful and confusing and sometimes a pain in the ass. lol

 

Haha well QBear, like you said, everyone is different so if you feel like you need both in a relationship, surely go for it. It's not so much about living up to the stereotype or not but more about living the life that fulfils you and make you happy. So if that's an open-relationship for you then who really cares?

 

Wow, so very agreed with both the last two (really, probably four) posts. I think we're all in a state of mutual like.

 

I deal with this and have for a while. My husband is an alpha male. He has anger issues. He is very protective, full of pride. When he really realized that me being bisexual meant more than "let's have a threesome" he was scared and threatened and still is. He periodically asks me if I am going to leave him for a woman one day....if I will ever leave him and come out as a lesbian....

Sadly I think in my mind this is part of the reason I don't leave. He knows this about me and I am afraid that if I left, even though we have issues between ourselves, he will make it be about me being bi and do everything he can to shame me. I cannot live with that.

 

Depends on the individual and the situation. They have their pros and cons, as does everything.

To be frank here, maybe in regards to masturbation, but I don't ever feel like I have to make up my mind solely on sex. And really, I want those who I am attracted to... and I'm not going to be attracted to every male nor every female.

When people bring up the 'need both sexes at the same time', I now bring up that you can pine for and miss certain aspects and energies. It's easy to cite the bisexual-and-the-two-sexes stereotype, but just as a bisexual can miss a male or female, so too can somebody miss being with a larger individual, someone with more body hair, someone with other hair/skin/eye colors, someone who had certain kinks, and so on and so forth. It doesn't mean you're going to go out and cheat, or you need a plethora of things, it's simply you acknowledging yourself.

Personally, I do think my bisexuality is awesome. I feel like I have a deeper connection, or the potential to, on a wider spectrum. That isn't said to claim some type of superiority, it's just that I've utilized my sexuality as opposed to making it a burden. It is, like practically everything in this world, what you make of it.

 

I don't agree that being bi is inherently "harder" than being gay. Different people have different experiences. I've had a much easier time of it than my girlfriend, or my best friend from high school, who have both had it much easier than some people on here. The individual experience can vary wildly.

It's true that most people I talk to have thought being bi would be "cool," despite being completely okay with their own sexuality. They thought it would be interesting to not be "limited" by gender, and I can see where they're coming from. I have been told, "You're only bi," when talking about oppression I had or hadn't faced. And that does suck, a bit, but to be fair, she was partly right: I've been lucky, though it isn't only because of my orientation.

I still think bisexuality is awesome. If we just ignore the rest of the world's opinion and how certain sexualities are discriminated against -- well, it is pretty great. Yes, at this stage in my life, I enjoy and love being bi. If I could choose, right now, I would choose to be bi. Yes, some of us face certain struggles that some straight/gay people don't face... but frankly, you could say similar things about any identity.