why do so many couples bareback?

I would hope that my candour isn't mistaken for knowing subversion of safety practices, i was just trying to best answer the original poster's question, as one who does bareback when safety allows, in as direct a way as possible. I may also have more problems with condoms than most people because i find it very difficult to find any that don't 'choke' me, even especially designed ones (though i've found a brand that does the job fairly well nowadays). Apologies to Chip and others if my taste offends. It would probably have been more prudent of me to preface my frankness with a more clearly worded and stressed safety message.

As far as being in the great minority with this particular kink, that's perhaps true, but the last two girls i have been with both shared it, to mutual delight. My scientific side conjects that it might be of evolutionary advantage to have a strong urge to inseminate or be inseminated, so it stands to reason that it MAY be somewhat prevalent, if indeed it's a trait that's expressed and propagated genetically. No way to know though, and besides, even if that is true, i'm possibly an extreme example.

 

On porn tube sites, I tend to prefer barebacking, but only because they cut the camera less. I find far too often on clips where they use a condom, they'll cut as they're getting close, and a condom magically appears, where I wouldn't mind their momentary lull as they put the condom on. It detracts from it because breaks down a sense of reality. Of course a lot of what goes on is faked, but that cutting of the action is like seeing the strings.

In real life, I make no apology for the fact that I don't use a condom with my boyfriend of four months. Neither of us have had a boyfriend before, and given the liberal environment in college, random hook-ups would have been possible and very unremarkable if we were either of us the sort to do that. That we're 20 and 24, have known each other four years and have both been openly gay for two years. I know I can't put this in a way that others here won't think I'm terribly naive and that we're seriously risking both our health, but given that you don't know us, you can't fully make that judgement. I'm not saying that I know things between us will last indefinitely, and if they don't, I would definitely plan to wear a condom in that case. And if I was after that to find myself back with my boyfriend, we would start using them.

 

I don't think it's the "taste" that offends so much as the potential message it might send. You did a great job of explaining it in more detail in this thread, and, as you said, it might be prudent to preface it beforehand. And it is a very specific issue I'm trying to address. Unlike other kinks, there is a potential for something being misconstrued. If I were to say "I really can't feel anything without a gorilla suit and a parachute", I doubt anybody here would get the idea that they needed to go shopping for a gorilla suit to have a good time.

And it's cool that you found others who enjoy your kink (however prevalent it might be). When you run into somebody like that, it more or less ceases being a "kink", and becomes "that thing we do in the bedroom".

>>>I know I can't put this in a way that others here won't think I'm terribly naive and that we're seriously risking both our health, but given that you don't know us, you can't fully make that judgement.

I wouldn't say you were "seriously risking your health". It sounds like you've thought of the risks, found them minimal, and decided to forgo condoms. My only concern is that this behavior becomes ingrained. If/when this relationship ends, and you find yourself with another guy, it can be very tempting to think "Well, I KNOW I'm clean, because I only had sex with that other guy who was clean..." And it might make you feel uneasy to use a condom after NOT having used one before. "Does this suggest I think he's unclean? Does it mean I don't feel as much for him?" Whereas if you always use condoms, it's just part of sex - same as taking your clothes off.

Lex

 

it won't let me go back and edit my posts, to add a foreword >.<

oh, and the potential offence i mean relates to the other moral issue raised here... whether it is morally corrupt to knowingly watch condom-less pornography.

 

Barebacking is everyone's sexual fantasy. I would enjoy seeing it too, or enjoy doing it.

However, there is one issue: STD and other diseases. It is better to have protection, of course.

Well, I don't mind seeing people doing 'the thing' with condom in porn shows. Don't know why, I kinda like it too.

 

One thing I think everyone needs to understand is that it's a matter of free will. Seriously, judging others is a ridiculous thing to do in this case because the fact is everyone makes a choice and whether you make hte choice or not, it's not nice or proper for you to to tell someone they're wrong for doing it. Please know that I am not directing this at anyone of course, I'm just saying if anyone has a feeling of judging another person on here, I truly believe that you should first ask if you'd want to be judged the same way Health is good of course, but that does not mean you should judge others for what they do with their own.

 

For my own part, though I have never actually carried through on it, I've often considered bareback sex with strangers as a means of actively getting an infection (HIV/AIDS).

This is a continuing thought of a way of taking my own life without actually killing myself via one swift (Or swiftish) act.

I've always told myself though that I would never put someone else in danger and I really like to believe I will hold true to that. I'll be open and upfront about it.

 

I guess if you know your partner is clean from stds, and monagamus, then it really is up to the couple.

condoms, regardless if people say they are less pleasurable, probably is just a good habit to be in to begin with.

me, i prefer brokeback over bareback; smack my bottom and call me ennis.

 

Let people fuck the way they want to fuck (Or shoot porn the way they want to) and stop being so picky about your porn. You're just wanking for christ's sake.

 

Glad I'm not the only one who doesn't want to judge.

 

This thread isn't going anywhere...just saying.

 

But...CONDOMS TURN ME OFF.

 

no one was judging anyone, we all need to relax.

 

The real question, then, is does he have to try? Or does anybody else?

We labeled enjoying fluid exchange a "kink" above, so lemme run with that a minute. Let's pick another kink - getting tied up, costume play, whatever. Most of us would agree that any of these are fine, so long as you can do so safely. If you trust your partner to tie you up, and you trust them enough to show them your Batman outfit, then you're good to go. The main difference between this and fluid exchange is the risk involved. Not much chance of disease transmission through latex outfits or ropes around the wrists. Pseudojim obviously analyzed the risk very carefully, and has overcome his dislike of condoms enough to use them for the first months of each relationship. After which, he feels comfortable enough and secure enough to do away with the condoms. Given that, I'd say he's taking all necessary precautions.

I don't know djt's MO. Maybe he finds bareback porn hot, but always plays safe. Personally not crazy about that first part, but I can accept it. Or maybe he says "Condoms are a turn-off, and I never use them, because barebacking is much hotter, and I don't care about the risks." In which case I DO have an issue. Less so about his own health (he's apparently either decided the risk is worth the pleasure, or decided not to even bother thinking about it), but about his partner's. Because if he has several partners over the course of the years, he'll be putting their health in jeopardy as well. And I know full well the rationale that "my partners want to bareback too". (Not picking on djt here. Again, I don't know his MO at all - this might not be him in the slightest.) But from what I've learned, it's far too easy for barebackers to convince, coerce or even trick their partners into barebacking. At which point, hey, one of us now. And it's that sort of action that I find majorly problematic.

Lex

 

A few years ago, I was invited to a S&M workshop in San Francisco. From the initial glance, it seemed a pretty "anything goes" affair.

But the interesting thing was that they had long ago incorporated safer sex practices into everything that was going on. Rubber gloves were everywhere. Red "sharps" containers and red biohazard bags were everywhere (for disposing of anything contaminated with blood or body fluids). Anyone who wasn't observing safer sex practices was immediately told to leave.

Even though this was not my scene, I have to admit it was one of the most erotic things that I've witnessed. This was a community that was devastated back in the 1980s and early 90s by AIDS. There is no one there that does know someone who died or is infected. They long ago stopped having discussed about whether safer sex was a turnoff- they found a way to make it part of the deal while keeping it hot.

The excuses that I hear today about safer sex practices are the same ones that I've been hearing for over 25 years. Those same excuses are why we're still having the discussion 25 years later- if people would have taken these issues seriously 25 years ago, perhaps we wouldn't have a situation today where 10 people contract HIV every minute and someone dies of AIDS every 10 seconds.



PS. There's a few posts in this thread that I'm going to be deleting since they come a bit too close to violating the COC.

 

Ok listen here are some things people. The people who test positive but continue their activities should be judged yes because they're putting people at risk.

The people who are negative but do risky behavior and have sex with someone who is positive. They should be judged because as "bug-chasers" they are purposefully trying to contract the disease.

The people who are negative but have risky behavior with someone who is negative or does not know their status, they are not completely to blame or be judged because in the case of negative + negative, they're not putting themselves at risk. In the case though of one having sex with one who doesn't know their status is partly because their fault but is mainly the person who doesn't know their status who should be judged.

But that's just how I see it.

 

Fair enough, I understand your point. I just do think it's different between us because it's a first time. In my head, I associate the need for a condom with having a sexual history, not with being clean. I really couldn't imagine starting off a relationship with someone else and allowing them to have sex with me if they weren't wearing a condom. Of course, as the bottom in this, I think it would be easier for me to adapt to that than my boyfriend. I'd be surprised if things between us didn't last till the end of the year, and I find myself thinking of us together longer than that. So it'd be strange to wear one every time because of a distant hypothetical.

With someone else, working out what kind of things we like and make sense for us would be from the start again in a way. We'll see anyway.