Why being disabled affects me more than being gay (even inside the community)

@Creativemind where do you live where everyone is so focused on accomplishments by 27, where I grew up if you hadnt been to prison by the time you were 25 you were doing very well.

 

Too young? At 22 I would consider someone 27 a bit too old, but only by a year, so maybe consider it.

Yeah ... I'd like a partner with a career ... Doesn't have to be degree based but I do like science-type pepole so they tend to have a degree.

I'm not completely independent and doubt I would be at 27 ... see myself still living at parents paying rent and saving up for my own house.

People like to be with people who are at a similar life stage as them (prvoiding mentally and biologically of age too). For example, when I was 18 in sixth-form I would consider dating a 16 year old, but as soon as I left sixth-form but still 18 years old, I felt that 16yr olds were too young for me to date. Even though the ages were the same.

 

Ah, there are plenty of first year ''mature'' students (some are 25, some are 40) at my university, as some of them have been taking bridging classes as they are from China.

When one gets older the gap 'closes' mentally even if it's the same gap, a 30 year old teacher is in a similar stage to a 36 year old teacher, providing that none are doing their PhDs. They are both fully qualified, and the six years difference doesn't matter too much mentally. The 36 year old is only making slightly more money than the 30 year old, and most people (UK) move out by 30 and the 36 year old probably has a home, so they can move out with them and help pay rent or whatever. [I'm doing an education course, so that's why my example is a teacher].

Please speak to a suicide hotline.

 

I think you are running with wrong crowd, if they are so worried about college status.

 

There is so much more to life than stupid stuff like that, there are plenty of good people that see past that garbage.

 

This subject hits close to home for me. I have a grandnephew with Down’s syndrome. He is a wonderful happy boy and I love him to death however, there are parts of the world that are trying to eradicate Down’s syndrome by aborting the fetuses. As if the child was a disease. Some people think so little of someone who is different or has challenges that they think they don’t deserve to exist. Nothing disgusts me more

 

Its a fine line to walk and I feel like it could so easily turn into a massive eugenics program. Does eugenics work? Well.....we selectively breed animals to get stronger, hardier, more efficient breeds, so yes it works, but when I applied to humans is it ethical? I dont think it is.

 

Many ancient culture let abnormal infants die of exposure, the Nazi's killed off the weak. This idea is cyclical and I guess its coming into vogue again, sadly.

 

The problem is, who decides what is worthy. My nephew certainly enjoys his life. What is beneficial to one person might seem like to much to someone else. It’s impossible

 

I totally agree with you, god forbid they locate the gay gene. Honestly how many parents if given the option would want a gay child? They would eradicate us.

 

I’m sure it wouldn’t be their first choice. Honestly if I had kids it wouldn’t be mine either. It makes their life more difficult. Frankly I’d rather be straight than bi. I’m ok now but it has caused a lot of inner turmoil in the past. But as Popeye said. I am who I am

 

Creativemind, I stand corrected, or at least amended. This is an important topic. (I.e. that's the prelude to me sounding off on it. I hope it doesn't amount to mansplaining.)

I saw a lot of behavior on the autistic/Asperger spectrum as an undergrad at Caltech. I probably am somewhere on that spectrum too. I can confirm that I am not (usually) too puzzled about others' feelings. In fact I too often pick up that I make them uncomfortable. Because they can't figure me out. (I thank my mom, who could pick up people's feelings through walls.) Which leads to my "theory", aka well-considered conceit. (Cue Monty Python's Anne Elk.)

Your last sentence quoted above echoes my frustration that others "expect us to have a psychic ability and be able to play mind games." So whence this (alleged) ability to pick up on other peoples' signals? It smacks of action-at-a-distance. Well consider this: it's more or less just dumb (so to speak) luck. Most people are in the middle of the bell curve. Therefore the (unconsidered) assumption that others are like them is often correct, even though not via logical deduction or non-physical intuition. By contrast, those of us on the outskirts of the curve will have less in common — there are more ways to be different than to be like the mean. We have to learn by observation and experience what those strangers are thinking (not feeling). Not from lack of some mysterious "skill" denied us, but from the conceptual distance between us.

Having read an entire encyclopedia (yay World Book) by fifth grade, my everyday thoughts were miles away from those of my neighbors and classmates. To them I was a freak; to me they had all the wit and agility of an Easter Island statue.

It has been my path to slowly gather the experience needed to decipher other people. Being in academia helps, both via study (e.g. psych classes), environment (they're nerds like me anyway), and sports (having something non-scholastic in common). It's depressing to look back at various experiences and think "Oh, that's what was happening between us. I totally missed that." But I suppose (contra Faulkner) the past is past.

I'll wind this up by just saying that I look for your posts and always learn from them. You live up to your name. Cheers!

 

@Creativemind you need to stop comparing yourself to other people. I'll tell you this, it's your mopey, boo-hoo attitude that will hold you back far more than your education or independence status. It doesn't matter if you're a PhD. book nerd with a big Mcmansion. How you feel about yourself is way more important. Self-esteem and confidence are things people pick up on and are attracted to. If age, education status, and housing situation, were the keys to finding love, and then the world would be a different place. As is sits right now, there are probably a bunch of 25 year old college grads sitting in front of their computers at their houses, beating their dicks raw every night.

If you are a fun person, that loves life and loves yourself; then nobody is going to care if you live with your mom or you don't have a degree or your age, you're only 27 for god's sake. These things you seem to think are so important are things I don't even consider when looking for a partner. I care about this; Are they sexy, are they funny, are they fun to be around, and do they respect themselves and love themselves.

I've read a lot of what you written on this forum, you are obviously not stupid. But you have a serious attitude problem, why do you hate yourself so much? What ever it is you did, you need to forgive yourself and move on. If you feel good and you make others feel good, I guarantee you will find somebody. But first you need to take care of you, if its accomplishment you want, go climb a mountain, build something with your hands or help somebody truly in need. Why dont you volunteer for the big sisters?

Still reading? After you have done something worthwhile then you are going to realize you have worth and then you can love yourself. Dry your tears, put on your big girl panties and start worrying about what you think of you, fuck what everyone else thinks, fuck what I think.

I leave you with this qoute from the 1987 movie "Over The Top" starring Sylvester Stallone " The world meets nobody halfway. When you want something, you gotta take it."

 

Im not trying to be mean to you, but you need to make your own value, go make a positive change in your life.

 

I would agree with that last bit re self confidence, I think everyone struggles with it. I do agree with what some of Jackie ray has said. Don’t compare yourself to others. I don’t look at what degrees a person has or what house they have etc I look at the type of person they are, are they kind? Trustworthy? A hard worker etc I think dating someone who has been on a different path to you is exciting as you can both learn from each other. Some of your posts I would say you are wise beyond your years, I could never write like that and don’t have that knowledge. Be proud of yourself as you are working towards the life that you want and it will fall into place.