When is it not enough anymore?

Yess! This makes so much sense actually, I also sometimes think that there is EC and there is real life and there are the opposite of each other, but that can't be true.
I mean, usually there are more bullies online than offline, so based on this there shouldn't be so difficult to find "offline people" who are supportive.
And I'm sure I will find some soon, too

---------- Post added 7th Oct 2015 at 01:35 AM ----------

I think labels are not helpful sometimes, a lot of times actually. They keep us more trapped than they are actually helpful. I'm starting to realize this more and more.

Labeling myself straight makes me feel like I'm a living dead, labeling myself lesbian makes me feel like I'm not meeting some kind of acceptance criteria for that, labeling myself bi makes me feel like I'm lying to myself.

When I really feel good, when I feel really myself is when I don't give a shit about labels.

Because where I am right now in my life doesn't fit into any of these labels. And it's possible that it won't ever fit and I will not even want to, because life is not static and labels are.

So i can imagine, that when you are with a man you feel the need to be with a woman too. And that you'd feel complete if there was also a woman in your life. If this doesn't fit to some prefabricated label category, well, what does this change?

Because feelings are feelings and all of them are ok. ( It took me around 30 years to learn that there is no such thing as not ok to feel something, so...)

I imagine it's not easy to deal with all this...But I know that when I'm really happy is when I don't try to constrain my feelings or my life into these labels and boxes.
Sure, labels are good if you want others to know you on the surface, and sometimes are useful, but they are torture when it comes to life decisions and self-development.

Also I think a lot of anxiety is around the fact that we want to decide "right now" who we are. And yeah, I know I'm guilty of that too. But it just doesn't work like that and maybe it doesn't have to. Maybe, probably there is no deadline. When I'm really down I feel that is "now or never", I have to decide.
But that's not true, we are always evolving and you are doing great job with getting to know yourself better so you are doing exactly what you should. And the decision will come when it's time for it to come(*hug*)

 

I'm in a relationship with a male. We have kids together. The youngest is 12, and our 14yo is autistic. We split up almost ten years ago and got back together again just over a year ago.
In the meantime, although I had relationships, not one of those people met the kids. I was a single mother for a long time.
It was tough, and with some other stuff going on at the time, I thought I would never survive.
I came out to my partner Early September this year, just before we went away for a couple of days to celebrate a year back together.
Since we came back I have been questioning everything. Is this enough for me? Is a relationship that I have been in for only a year strong enough for me to not be who I think I need to be?
He asked me about marriage again last night and I told him I had to sort out my head first.

I put my kids first every day the entire time I was single. They are amazing kids but I think they would cope if their dad and I didn't stay together. They have spent more time without him than with him. I believe that if we split up he and they could maintain a relationship now. He has grown up a lot since we first split.

Is what I have right now enough for me? I honestly don't know. Would I pursue a relationship with the woman I am very attracted to if the opportunity arose? Yes I believe I would. For someone who has always considered herself fiercely monogamous this is a revelation in itself.

I guess the difference for me is that I am in what is essentially a new relationship, that I've been out there on my own and survived. I don't have as much invested in this relationship as I thought I did. I hope that doesn't make me sound heartless or cruel. But the stress of trying to work all this out is getting to me.

The only thing that is clear to me is that I don't want to marry the man I am with.

 

Sigh. Yeah.

Tonight is one of those nights where I'm just like WHY CAN'T I HAVE A HUSBAND AND A GIRLFRIEND? I LOVE THEM BOTH SO MUCH. I'd be SO GOOD TO BOTH OF THEM. It would only make their lives BETTER I SWEAR. I would be SO LOVING.

It kind of kills me to love two people at once and not be able to just treat them both as well as I'd want to.

Who knew I was a bi poly nurturer at heart? I thought I was a career-driven monogamous straight woman. Silly me.

 

It is always so interesting to read someone's story and find it strikes a cord of being similar in my story.

I am a lesbian- I am no longer questioning that-Or I should say I have not questioned that since June- it is who I am.

My husband was fine with me trying "it" out- that is physical intimacy with a woman- my sister warned me it is not just hooking up--at least for me- because I am someone who seeks an emotional connection as well- she warned me about either person falling in love

I have fallen in Love- and so has the woman I am with- It caught all of by surprise- my husband worse of all. I am still tyring to answer so many questions- how we will be a family- can my lover live with us - as she has- how will this affect my kids- but the question I had to answer first was could I stay married to him

No- I cannot not- and this answer led to many other questions.

I am glad I had the room to explore- and I know that not every marriage can withstand that- the exploring nailed the last nail in the board- as I sunk into a warm body that sighs with joy with every touch I give and I wondered why it took so long to figure out who I was

Keep trying to find yourself- it is journey- and no matter what someone will be hurt- but that is for them to fix- you only have work on your hurts

 

3rd watchman-

Your response to my comment -made me smile- in a weird ironic way

I too have put others needs before mine- and when I hit the brick wall of what do I want- I also had no clue- and that began the journey to figuring out who I am as a sexual being

I will tell you yes things are complicated in my life- but I don't think there has been a time when it has not- and last but not least

thinking of yourself first- is a hard habit to start - when you have lived for others for so long-- I still have to be careful because my first response to others is them first and me second- It is part of who I am and sometimes like to be

start little and it will get easier!

 

CapColors, I feel you! 18 months ago, I thought I was totally straight and never a non monogamous thought (at least that was my conscious perspective).

 

I told my... male friend?... the last vestige of a perhaps boyfriend, whatever, a guy I see a couple of times a month... that I was really contemplating my sexual preference, that I needed things to be simple right now so I could figure things out. And he had encouraged me to do this, which is great, but I still don't even want to talk to him, not to any man (except gay men!), I don't want any of that ... I'm supposed to say/think blah because there is a man with me stuff. I don't even know how to be who I am, if there is a man in sight, I am so trained to be part of a hetero couple. I want OUT of it all, I want nothing, I want me and my job and my friends and my dog and my own thoughts and NO distractions. Fantasies and wondering are not enough anymore. I want to KNOW.

 

Crazy, right. I mean poly is probably still too extreme a label to place on myself, but I'm certainly feeling more...flexible.

 

I broached the idea of me going away on my own for a few days earlier. He wasn't against it, but he was a bit taken aback. I think it is something I am going to have to do though. The biggest problem though is that I don't want to go away on my own, I just don't want to go away with him. I want...argh...to go away with a straight married woman....and that's not gonna happen

 

Why not?

 

Because she's married and straight. I'm working on developing a solid friendship with her, as I can't bear the thought of not being at least her friend. But going away with her would be just too hard. I could destroy what I think will be a great friendship. We have common interests, and chat easily. I just have to behave myself around her lol

 

Is it that you are totally hot for/in love with her, or just the burgeoning sexual energy of liking women in general? Would it help if you came out to her, or if you came out to her would it involve a confession of attraction to her?

 

I don't react to her the way I keep finding myself reacting other women. It scares me a little bit. Because I know me, and I think I'm falling in love with her. she's the first thing I think of in the morning. I wake up missing her. I go somewhere and think how much more fun it would be with her. My whole week is planned around when I can see her again. And a quick chat with her in the shop where she works keeps me on a high all day. I have her phone number and I have to stop myself texting her messages I'm not ready for yet.
I can see myself coming out to her, and I think it will be a sudden thing, unplanned, like it was with my partner. And I know damn well going away with her is a really bad idea right now.
And yes, for me coming out will probably include me telling her how I feel...

And reading that, I sound like a damn teenager lol.

 

HUGS, darling! And thanks for your compassionate reply. I missed it earlier, sorry.

I'm TERRIBLE at living a deprived life. I am GOOD at getting what I want. (Like, in a nice way! Usually what I want is friends and a job and stuff!)

But now, I finally WANT TOO MUCH.

---------- Post added 8th Oct 2015 at 10:42 AM ----------

OH HONEY I FEEL YOU. You sound exactly like me. This is exactly how I feel, although I have already admitted that I'm in love with her. I wish I knew when I was falling. I don't know if I could have stopped it, though.