When good looking people say they're ugly...

While we're talking about things that piss us off a little...

I'm into big guys. It's not something I decided one day out of open-mindedness; it's not like I thought about it and one day said, "You know what? Fat-shaming and fat-phobia is stupid and destructive; I'm going to make a conscious effort to find more fat guys attractive." That didn't happen. For as long as I can remember, they're who I've found attractive, simple as that.

And if there's any group that seems most unable to admit that they're attractive, it's big guys, the guys that make my heart flutter and my loins take notice. I've yet to meet a bigger guy who wasn't surprised when he found out someone found him attractive; hell, most of them react with, "Well, I don't think I'm attractive."

And while you might have a hard time believing me if I tell you you're attractive, you'll probably have an easier time believing me if I just tell you my side of it. When I see all these amazingly attractive guys vehemently denying their attractiveness, it makes me feel like a freak for finding them them attractive. If they're so clearly ugly, obviously there must be something wrong with me if I think they're attractive. Now, I've managed to move past the point where I always think like that, but that's how I thought for a lot of my life when I kept seeing fat-phobia and fat-hate, even though I would always ask myself, "What's wrong with looking like that?"

But even today, when I'm not at all ashamed about who I find attractive, hearing a big guy talk about how unattractive he is still kills me inside. It feels like they're invalidating my feelings, because how could I find them attractive if they're unattractive? That pisses me off, when people deny the way I feel because it doesn't make sense to them.

In short...

 

Wow didnt think of it like that. Here i am thinking im ugly even though i had 7 attractive bfs. There personalities were not for me so i dump3d them but their looks ranged from cute to sexy. That means i must be hot! :icon_bigg

 

yes......

 

Looking back to the OPs comment and I think that whilst the thread highlighted some important issues about self-esteem, it might not be so complex a situation.

I know it varies between cultures but it's quite common to point out your own faults or 'ugliness' when posting photos online.

It can be a good defense technique, to point out your own failings so that other people can't do the same to hurt you.

It's a great way to fish for compliments and is reinforced by the masses of online 'pleasers' that love nothing more than massaging a needy ego.

It's often seen as being the more polite or reserved thing to do. You can't honestly say you'd prefer that attractive people posted their selfies with captions like
"look at me I'm so hot"
"I love this pic so much, it's the best one I ever took"
"every feature on my face is perfect, I'm so lucky compared to all you guys"

 

I feel like this has to do with two things: self esteem, and modesty.

I'm quite attractive and beautiful, and I realize that now. However, it's hard to think that way when people constantly say otherwise and it affects you. I've been bullied in middle school and constantly called ugly, unladylike, told that "no guy is ever going to love you" and it used to affect me a lot.
Then there is also body standards. Being white, tall, skinny, curvy, hairless... It's so unrealistic and that barely applies to most of the population. But that's always what is known as hot and beautiful.

Having been told these things really impacted my self esteem and body image. It didn't matter to me that I was beautiful, it was hard to think I was so when everyone and everything around me said otherwise.

Self esteem really doesn't have much to do with what you actually have..

I also do agree with calf.
If you post a picture online and state that you think you look fucking amazing in it, people don't really prefer that over you being modest and polite.

 

I hate those commercials about whitening your teeth and the actors are like "ugh my teeth are so yellow!" Even though they're super white.

 

After my mother divorced my father when I was just 2 years old, her bitterness toward him in the aftermath was expressed without restraint for several years thereafter. It is a grave mistake to do that in front of the kids, because it cuts them to their soul...after all, he was still my father and thus part of me. In a child's mind, whatever she said about him was inevitably about me.

When she married again when I was 8, the stepfather further humiliated me in various ways; abuse is not too strong a word. He and my mother separated when I was 12, and he died shortly thereafter, drunk, in a single-vehicle car accident.

The picture in my avatar is me, when I was 26, I was good-looking, I know, but in my teens and early twenties, I did not feel that at all. I was always surprised when people told me that, it didn't register.

It took me many years to get over the put-downs and insults, the shame of being called a faggot by the stepfather, the beatings, etc.

There are indeed magic mirrors, they're in our heads and they colour everything you see, including yourself.

 

My sister just mentioned that recently. :lol:

---------- Post added 18th May 2016 at 01:53 PM ----------

Sometimes good-looking people say they're ugly just so that other people will be like, "Oh, that's not true! You're beautiful!" Not saying that's usually the reason, but I think it often is.

I have all these online friends who will post pictures of themselves online saying, "Oh, I'm so ugly! I need to lose weight! Oh, it's hopeless; I'll never be cute!" And I always get so confused by it, and just tell them that I don't think they need to worry. A lot of them look really attractive in those pictures, some even like models; how do they think they could possibly look any better?

At my school, we had something going on where we had to watch all these videos about self esteem and "true beauty", which I think has affected my view of people's attractiveness. "Average-looking" is beautiful! Sometimes people will say they're not good-looking; they're just average, but I'm like, "Average is beautiful though! Don't you think?"

People are so weird. :lol:

 

I'm never someone to post a picture and say, "Oh, I'm ugly." I do it sometimes but say it as a joke... However, I do have many confidence issues and I've struggled with them since the end of high school.

I was called ugly by a kid when I was a freshman in college and that really set me back. I also think my lack of relationships plays a role in my perception of myself. I believe sometimes I'm ugly because I base my looks on others' approval; I didn't know of many people liking me or having a "crush" on me growing up, so I figured I was ugly.

I'm trying to be more confident nowadays, but it is hard to change your mindset. I even used to message attractive guys on dating sites and include, "I understand if you're not interested."

I now realize that no one is going to be interested in me with that lack of confidence.

 

Beauty is subjective what you may see as beautiful another person can see it as ugly. You can say someone is the most beautiful person in the world but the toughest critic are our own imaginations.

 

Amen!

 

Believe it or not, most good looking people suffers from a lot of insecurities than you could imagine.

 

Ive always had trouble with body image and such, and something that i've found is that until you accept your body as it is, you will never run out of things to hate about it.

These days, im trying really hard to not give a shit about how others view my body, and just focus on putting good food into it, and making sure I'm healthy.

 

It's all relative.

 

What I hate more than anything is when somebody asks if they're attractive and I don't actually think they're attractive. I mean, yeah, I can lie- I do it a lot for self-gain I'll admit- but it's so much harder when there's no direct incentive to, which is why most people never believe me when I answer yes. X_X Ugh... I need to learn to lie for unselfish reasons. I know I'm a horrible person, but these people aren't making it any easier! Seriously, don't ask if you're attractive if you will only take "yes" as a good answer! X_X Me personally, I know I'm attractive, and trust me, you'd much rather have an attractive person who doesn't know they're attractive than an attractive person who knows it- We're horrible, horrible people.